Getting spouse motivated????

Swimgoddess · May 2011

Ok, since I've had a >little< bit of success using MFP, I figured it would motivate my husband to make better eating choices and return to the gym. Usually, our BMI's have kinda mirrored each other; when he started working on his body, I'd start to and vice-versa. Granted, there'd be times where we're out of sync because he usually gets quick results and mine take more of a sustained effort over longer periods, but we'd both end up in the same place eventually. This time seems different for some reason; he seems more depressed and is eating way worse; definitely not exercising and chalking it up to all these random minor injuries he won't see a doctor for, but would be less likely to occur if he got some regular exercise, etc.

Worse yet, I feel more and more like I'm on my own in this... When we'd both work towards bettering ourselves before, we'd shower each other in compliments and cheer each other on in the day-to-day of it; that's missing this time and it's lonely. Worse yet, his being depressed and emotional eating makes it feel like I should feel guilty for making an effort this time. I guess I can be thankful that he hasn't outright tried to sabotage me; I'm pretty self sufficient when it comes to getting my butt in the gym (I don't need him to watch the kids because I shell out for kids club at the gym) and he doesn't bring in temptation foods that are specific to me in the house; ie, he'll have original Ruffles in the house, but knows I generally won't PIG out on them unless we have the white dip, so he'll keep bean dip to have with them (ick).

Anyone else have a motivational discrepancy with their spouse where you both start off generally overfat and unfit and one of you changes? About how long did it take for your spouse to get on board on their own? (I don't want to pressure; I realize he's going to have to want to do it >for him< in order for it to truly work in the long run). Anyone else deal with the regressive behavior I described above or *gasp* outright spousal sabotage?

fpueblo · May 2011

Mine just started about a month ago. He saw how happy I was about myself and he wanted to eat healthier. I told him eating healthy food is fine and good but if you are only eating once a day and getting most of your cals from blended drinks you aren't eating healthy. He is now trying but he still drinks two home blended coffee's a day. He is coming around but his complaint is how can I eat all that food in a day I can barely finish my dinner... it will take a while to get him to come around but I'm sure your spouse will. I also have to keep track mine's calories or he wouldn't be doing it....

pixietoes · May 2011

All any of us can do is make decisions for ourselves. Perhaps your husband will be inspired by your progress, perhaps he will open up about what is contributing to his depression, I hope so, on both counts. In the mean time, keep doing the right things for yourself and be the best friend to him you know how to be.

dustyhockeymom · May 2011

I know my husband well enough to know that the more I tried to convince him the stronger he would resist, so I just don't. I do all the shopping, so him bringing stuff in isnt an issue. Not that it would really matter, that doesn't seem to be a problem for me (we still have 4 boxes of girl scout cookies I ordered before I started this). I do most of the cooking, so the meals he eats with me, he is eating healthier. But other than that, I have no control. I share with him what I am doing, how MFP works, and my weigh loss. I ask him questions to initiate discussions, but I have never once said anything about him doing it to. I work out in the house because we don't belong to the gym, and he sees me do that.

He is very supportive of me, and I don't think he would do anything to sabotage me, other than the occassional grumble when he wants to watch TV and I am using it to work out. He just isn't ready to make those choices yet. However, I did see a small sign the past week. I noticed he was searching Craigslist for fitness equipment. He has made a couple comments about not liking the type of exercise I do.

So my advice is to just keep doing your thing and hopefully he will come around. You can't make changes for anyone but yourself, so keep working hard.

fpueblo · May 2011

Mine just started about a month ago. He saw how happy I was about myself and he wanted to eat healthier. I told him eating healthy food is fine and good but if you are only eating once a day and getting most of your cals from blended drinks you aren't eating healthy. He is now trying but he still drinks two home blended coffee's a day. He is coming around but his complaint is how can I eat all that food in a day I can barely finish my dinner... it will take a while to get him to come around but I'm sure your spouse will. I also have to keep track mine's calories or he wouldn't be doing it....

BTW this wasn't me trying to get him to do this with me it was him realizing that what I was telling him about his eating habits might actually be true. he decided on his own, and everyone must that he was going on a diet. If you are nagged or prodded into the decision you will just fail. If you decide to make the change yourself you have more of a chance of succeeding...
My husbands problem was he was a yo yo eater. Most days he would only eat 800-1000 cals maybe twice a month he would eat more, but then it was a overload of cals sometimes 3000 cals. So when I explained to him that he wasn't eating to many cals, but his body was trying to hold on to the fat when he did he got what I was saying.

bcweisen · May 2011

I've never really been able to convince my hubby to work out. He doesn't struggle with weight like I do so it's not as hard for him anyway. But when I make an effort to eat more healthy, he kind of goes along. He can still eat extra treats and that doesn't bother me. I bought him a membership to the gym once and he hardly used it. He said he could work out at home just as well. So we bought him a stability ball and some weights which he doesn't really use. He walks during his lunch break at work since his job is so sedentary. But I think his weight has only fluctuated about 10-15# since we've been married. Men are such a different animal that there is no point in even comparing. I've gotten over being jealous that they can drop weight on a whim, but I've also kind of realized that while exercise will always be crucial for me, I will probably never get my hubby to join in.

Britt22706 · May 2011

I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 years and we recently moved in together. I met him when we were 15 and he was 6'1" and 160 lbs of pure skin and bones! He played hockey and road dirt bikes, both of which burn immense amount of calories! Although he hadn't ever "worked out" a day in his life.

Now, five years later and 20 lbs heavier, he doesn't play hockey anymore and can't eat like he did when he was 15! Although he still likes to!! Seeing as I've always had to work to stay leaner and watch what I ate, I knew that I could help. So to motivate him, I try to find things that he likes to do that aren't necessarily "working out" to him. He HATES going to the gym, and REFUSES to do p90x with me, so instead we play LOT'S of tennis, ride bikes, rollerblade, play basketball, just whatever burns calories!

It's a way to workout that doesn't feel like "working out"

smoten · May 2011

i wish i knew the secret to motivating husbands. i have been at the very least interested in fitness for a while but have made significant efforts over the last few years. My husband has gained a lot of weight almost 300 lbs now, he spends a lot of time driving for work and then comes home, hits the couch and plays that stupid xbox. he eats whatever he wants and doesnt give it a thought. he loves the fact that i am reasonably fit and loves how it looks for sure, but doesnt even consider what he looks like. Not only that his health is beginning to suffer, his sleep apnea and snoring forces me to the couch several nights a week, he has back pain, fatigues really easy and has started wheezing. it is breaking my heart in many ways, why doesnt he care? what is it going to take? i try so hard to be the best i can be for me and for him and he does nothing.

i try to set an example and let him know how good it feels to be healthy. i dont complain about the food or the exercise. if i bring it up he shuts down and will not discuss it, says things like "dont you love me the way i am", i do love him, i dont respect these choices and i certainly dont understand them.

sorry, i know this wasnt what you were hoping for, i just needed to vent. i really dont know what to do.:sad:

Swimgoddess · May 2011

smoten... HUGE HUGS to you sweetie! Sometimes I can see my hubby going in that direction too. When we met, we were both active-duty and in the best shape of our lives... hubs was actually that freakishly naturally skinny guy and a lot of my platoon-mates were stratching their heads at why I started dating him (I had a really awful experience with the meathead I dated prior; broke my jaw, long sordid story... at the time, I just needed somebody non-threatening with a sense of humor). Now hubby has filled out considerably, including this huge beer gut. I mean, he looks ok in the morning, but I can tell if he's had so much as an ounce of something carbonated. Oh, and all the extra weight around his neck makes the sleep apnea and snoring a million times worse! So I feel ya honey. As much as I'd hate to admit it, it screws with the intimacy aspect too. Not in the attraction department; I can live with it... it's in the performance department.

*sigh* I may have spoke too soon though; yesterday he finally called his gym rat buddy and went, though we still got into a huge argument when it came to planning dinners for the grocery trip. He won't eat veggies, he won't eat fish, heck! He wanted me to cook a beef AND ITALIAN SAUSAGE meatloaf recipe! Ugh... am I going to be one of those moms who has to cook crap for the family and then prepare my own separate meal for myself? He said he'd rather eat crap and enjoy every meal until he dies at 50 than eat "cardboard" every day and live til 90. It's like living with a picky eating 4 year old. Worse yet, he insists the reason he's never sick is because he doesn't eat veggies and that's the culprit anytime I catch a cold or stomach bug... and he touts this stuff in front of our kids

Tic_Tac_Toe · May 2011

((HUGS)) I wish there was a magical wand, but there just isn't. Ever since having my son back in 2003, I have been fairly healthy & exercise (some years better than others). He never got on board, not until last year actually. He started making small changes and has now lost 80 pounds!! I wish I could say it was something I did but he made the choice on his own. He didn't like being overweight and not being able to wear the clothes he wanted to.

Try to be patient and keep setting a good example. Do you know any guys that can give him a push? I think my brother really helped the situation when he never gave up asking my husband if he would go to the gym. Good Luck!

dustyhockeymom · May 2011

smoten... HUGE HUGS to you sweetie! Sometimes I can see my hubby going in that direction too. When we met, we were both active-duty and in the best shape of our lives... hubs was actually that freakishly naturally skinny guy and a lot of my platoon-mates were stratching their heads at why I started dating him (I had a really awful experience with the meathead I dated prior; broke my jaw, long sordid story... at the time, I just needed somebody non-threatening with a sense of humor). Now hubby has filled out considerably, including this huge beer gut. I mean, he looks ok in the morning, but I can tell if he's had so much as an ounce of something carbonated. Oh, and all the extra weight around his neck makes the sleep apnea and snoring a million times worse! So I feel ya honey. As much as I'd hate to admit it, it screws with the intimacy aspect too. Not in the attraction department; I can live with it... it's in the performance department.

*sigh* I may have spoke too soon though; yesterday he finally called his gym rat buddy and went, though we still got into a huge argument when it came to planning dinners for the grocery trip. He won't eat veggies, he won't eat fish, heck! He wanted me to cook a beef AND ITALIAN SAUSAGE meatloaf recipe! Ugh... am I going to be one of those moms who has to cook crap for the family and then prepare my own separate meal for myself? He said he'd rather eat crap and enjoy every meal until he dies at 50 than eat "cardboard" every day and live til 90. It's like living with a picky eating 4 year old. Worse yet, he insists the reason he's never sick is because he doesn't eat veggies and that's the culprit anytime I catch a cold or stomach bug... and he touts this stuff in front of our kids

I think we might be married to the same man :-) My hubby won't eat any veggie but green beans and corn (if you can call that a veggie). He always says I am going to eat what I want and enjoy it. My hubby was active duty too, and I will never forget the day I first saw him after boot camp. He was in such good shape and looked HOT! We both let ourselves go after we go married, and that is a shame. I am hoping he will want to make changes eventually.

Getting spouse motivated????

Replies

Categories