How do I deal with this?

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Whitezombiegirl
Whitezombiegirl Posts: 1,042 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi Guys

I will be seeing a close freind soon. We haven't been able to meet up for ages as she has been travelling with her job. Last time I saw here I had put on weight and this time I'll have lost all the weight - and then some. She is obese and having trouble with losing weight - and all the eating out with her job has helped her to gain even more weight. (I know she feels down about it)

I haven't warned her that I've lost weight- I haven't told her anything about it, because I did'nt want to make her feel bad (she has admitted previously that it does make her feel jealous when I drop weight, which is excusable). We are the eaxct same height and build so comparrisons are inevitable

So how do I handle it when we meet up? I really love the girl and don't want to make her feel bad in any way. When she asks about it- what's best: shrug it off/ down play it? Explain it? Encourage her? Any tips or new presepectives would be appreciated.

Thanks

Replies

  • healthygreek
    healthygreek Posts: 2,137 Member
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    I would let her know before you see her.
  • cheyenne__brown
    cheyenne__brown Posts: 25 Member
    edited April 2015
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    If I were you I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, if you cone right out and warn her/tell her you've lost a bit of weight then it night seem a bit like your rubbing it in her face? If she is bothered by it then she'll probably bring it up herself, however descrietly, in which case try and be as supportive and encouraging as possible but try not to brush off what she says, maybe when you see her be like 'wow you look great!' To give her a confidence boost? But you should not have to apologise for the way you are/look.. Idk, I hope this helps :smile: xx
  • chesves
    chesves Posts: 224 Member
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    You should never have to apologize for making healthy choices for YOU, and a friend should understand that. I'm hoping she's happy for you. I wouldn't say anything ahead of time (b/c you don't want to come across as bragging), but if it comes up, I'd point her to mfp, explain, perhaps she's asking you on WHAT to do.
  • scottacular
    scottacular Posts: 597 Member
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    Maybe when she sees you she'll be inspired by your success.
  • lovefridays
    lovefridays Posts: 14 Member
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    Perhaps warning her about the changes in you is best. I would speak about it in terms of health, such as "I was having knee pain and was so winded when I went up stairs I got scared". Or whatever your particular story is. Speaking interns of health really neutralizes the topic. Also, speak about your weight loss using "I statements". Things like I was having trouble with..., I wasn't comfortable with... Finally try not to obsess about food/drink choices when you are with her - have a plan and some idea of what you will consume so you are not constantly looking up calories, which may make her uncomfortable. Reassure her that this is a personal decision and when she is ready you will support her. Good luck!
  • suppakana
    suppakana Posts: 307 Member
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    I agree with some other posters... Mentioning it specifically to her might be a bit off-putting, or make her feel inferior. But also not telling her in any way will make it a big shock. Are you guys friends on social media platforms? Maybe post about it a time or two so she's aware, but so that it's not pointed at her. I agree a lot with what lovefridays is saying!

    I think, answer any questions she has, but otherwise leave your weight loss progress/process out of your time together. Take it as a cheat day/week/whatever. Besides, you've earned it! :wink:
  • jvorce1
    jvorce1 Posts: 2 Member
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    I think once she sees what you accomplished it may motivate her. No worries.
  • Whitezombiegirl
    Whitezombiegirl Posts: 1,042 Member
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    Thanks guys. I'll take all your advice on board. I'll try not to obsess about food when I'm out with her. She loves food and drink and takes every social occasion as a que to eat everything she fancies (and she likes not to be the only one doing it). She got upset when I did'nt want a cake on her birthday- I just did'nt want it. And when I chose rataouille over frys as an accompniment, and when I could'nt finish my pizza - long after she had finished hers etc. etc. I suppose she sees my choices as a criticism of hers. As i said, i love her very much- so if I go over my calorie goal that day i won't sweat it- BUT I refuse to completly pig out though.
  • Whitezombiegirl
    Whitezombiegirl Posts: 1,042 Member
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    Quick update- My freind turned up and guess what! She'd lost 16lbs! I was so happy for her. We did have tea and acke to celebrate her birthday (I might have has a second cake after she left.........lol!).

    We had a breif chat about our weight loss- and I really think she is a bit mixed up. I think she is confusing gluten with carbs (No carbs since Xmas but plenty of oatmeal, rye bread, sweet poatoes etc.) and confusing lactose with 'dairy' (No dairy- but has goats cheese and goats milk etc.) and fruit sugars are somehow different to other sugars.... ,Taking flax seed supplements AND fish oil etc. .. she is following an expensive fad diet she paid for.

    She was shocked that i ate chocolate everyday and still lost the same amount of weight as her.

    ..... I don't want to lecture her but at some stage I think she will go awry if she doesn't understand properly.

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