Going at this another time

October 2011 i began a journey that i had hoped would be permanent. By the time october 2012 rolled around i was down 100 pounds and had only 30 pounds to go to my goal weight of 138. I was so unprepared for the stress that beginning college would be. Within the a year of college i put on 70 pounds. I was ashamed and frustrated and just depressed. I dropped this semesters courses to focus on my health and to get this weight back off. What good is a degree going to do me if I die from being so unhealthy. The first time around I had an amazing nutritionist. She truly cared. Then she got a new job somewhere else and i was left floating in the ocean without a life jacket. Her replacement made me feel like I was drowning. I hate a nutritionist who asks, what do you want to work on till our next appointment. Honestly, if i knew i wouldnt need you. I have so many food allergies and eating is such a chore. Im the only one in my family with food allergies, i am the monster. I have stopped going to holiday gatherings because they have to forgo traditions... Like peanut butter pie, because i could die from anaphalaxis. Speniding holidays alone bites. First time around was quite an eye opener. I really got to see peoples true colors. I lost a lot of friends which fine whatever, I can find new ones right? It was my family that was the worst. Family who have always been thin, who i guess felt great about themselves next to me. But when i was nearing the mark of weighing less than some of them wow. I was told that they would take epicac to make themselves vomit and starve themselves because they refuse to ever be the fat one. Seriously! If we are both thin, is there really a fat one? As i lost weight and my face became thinner, instead of being told wow you look great, i got things like, i dont like that pic of you, your eyes are to big. Seriously?? I have cat eyes, they are no where large, but when the fat cheeks werent pushing them smaller, sure they were bigger. But ugly, gross? So between college and my families psycho mumbo jumbo I was a mess.
So today april 11, 2015 and i am dedicating my life to being healthy. Not starving, or over exercising, but truly enjoying life in a healthy relaxed way. I downloaded the MyFitnessPal app logged my breakfast. I eat a mostly vegan diet. (I do occassionally eat eggs or meat, but trying to cut that out totally, its not that easy when you are the only one in the entire family eating vegan.) Anyways i am excited to fit back into all those skinny clothes i was wearing last time. Never in my life have i been thin. I am not really looking to be skinny, but i do want to be fit and healthy. I need to lose 110 pounds. Sad when i was so close before to be back to needing to lose again. This time though i am not on a diet. Its not something incan do for a while, reach the goal and finally quit the diet. Nope, this is forever, no gimmicks or quick weightloss diets.