I'm new and scared

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LJFJ
LJFJ Posts: 73 Member
in Getting Started
Hello, MFP members. My doctor sent me here after my appointment with him yesterday. I'm a very recent widow, got diagnosed with diabetes II a month ago, have had 11 operations in the last two years on my legs, and in the last three weeks, I've gained 18 pounds. Neither the doctor nor I can figure out why, so he sent me here. I have 30 pounds to lose and have no idea how to do it. I have to learn how to cook for one again and find myself eating leftovers for three days (kind of boring). I'm looking for friends, support, motivation, and general help on how to do this. I've never been on a diet Web site before, and this scares me, but since the doctor told me to come here, here I am. Now, if I could follow ALL of his advice, I'd be good to go!

Anyway, I'm 62, live in central Minnesota in a small apartment with four adorable and loving cats. I have several physical issues but have an occupational therapist, physical therapist, and nurse that visit weekly. The PT and OT exercises keep me moving, but not as much as I should. I'm determined to put the exercises into a daily routine (twice a day) as I'm supposed to, but I've been stubborn and lazy, I guess.

I'm an emotional eater. I eat when I feel hungry or just want something to drown my sorrows, not caring what I eat. If a candy bar is close, I eat it. If I want a "real" meal, I'll take the time to make it, but it doesn't taste as good as it used to. Granola bars usually make up meals AND snacks, or a protein drink. I almost always have something sweet in the evenings before bed, so that increases my blood sugar to an alarming degree. I took good care of my husband, cooking and cleaning every day, meeting his needs, getting him to and from the cancer center, and taking care of his personal needs (bathroom, showering, etc.). He was my life for 30 years, and I'm really lost without him. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

After a 10-month medical leave, I'm starting back to work on May 4. I teach math online at a well-known. I've been there 10 years now, and I've missed my "math kids." I'm hoping going back to work will give me some normalcy to my life.

In the meantime, I just go through the motions every day. This has hurt my health, so here I am. I look forward to meeting many of you and learning from you. Thank you for being here. I'm ready for this!
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Replies

  • HeidiCooksSupper
    HeidiCooksSupper Posts: 3,831 Member
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    There's a "bazillion" of us 60-somethings here and I'm sure quite a few are widows. I'm not, but lived alone until my mid-50s so fully empathize with the problems of cooking for one. Feel free to friend me and if you don't get many responses to this posting tonight -- send another one in a few days looking for more 60-somethings. We're here and helping each other.

    Put 'looking for 60-somethings' as the title of a posting and lots of folks will come out of the woodwork.
  • Keiko385
    Keiko385 Posts: 514 Member
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    Nothing to be afraid of. A lot of people are here to prop you up when you need a shoulder to lean on, and some who will give some very good advise to help you along.

    I have been a widow going on 10 years now, I never learned to cook for 2 let alone 1, and yes eating leftovers get boring and old. I still cook for an army and portion out my meals into single serving portions and freeze them most things will keep for a couple of months with no problems. After a while you get a nice rotation of meals going, add in some fresh veggies and off you go. I only cook once a week but will make 2-3 main dishes to freeze.

    The weight will come off if you are honest with your logging, weigh and measure everything as accurately as possible. Its time to look after your health now :)
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    All that's required for weight loss, is a caloric deficit. Welcome to MFP!
  • LJFJ
    LJFJ Posts: 73 Member
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    Thank you, Heidi. I just "friended" you and hope I did it right. I don't know how to respond to an individual post, so I hope I'm doing this right.

    Thank you for your encouragement. After spending quite a bit of time here today and logging in everything I've eaten and had to drink (including water?), I'm starting to feel kind of good about this journey.

    Linda
  • LJFJ
    LJFJ Posts: 73 Member
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    Thank you, Keiko. I don't know why I didn't think of that. Until a couple months ago, I was cooking extra meals regularly. I even bought a small chest freezer so I could put my cooking efforts in the deep-freeze for a quick meal. Other than a few hamburgers, I've eaten all the frozen entrees I made. I guess it's time to start cooking again.

    Thank you for reminding me of something that made me go "Duh!" as in "how could I forget that?" I'm going to start cooking some of my favorite stuff tomorrow and fill that freezer (after I defrost it).

    Also, thank you for your support and empathy. I really appreciate it. Starting a new life is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

    Linda
  • lizardlipsagain
    lizardlipsagain Posts: 33 Member
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    Welcome LJFJ. I have only been with MFP for less than a month and I find some of the forums very informative and supportive. If you have any questions just ask even if you think its stupid. Im still trying to figure out all the abbreviations.

    Anyways!!!

    Log everything-get exercise as best as your abilities will let you-don't forget your not alone and don't get down if things don't always happen as fast as we all wish they could.
  • scrapbookingtm
    scrapbookingtm Posts: 1,916 Member
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    Hello Linda
    I am sorry for your loss and you health problems. I have 7 grown children so I am still cooking too much but have learn to freeze my own "TV dinners" after eating the same thing all week. It will get better. I hope you have some family and friends you can get support from also. I would love to help you with your journey. Have a great day!

    Alisa
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
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    Hi Linda. I'm so sorry for your loss and all that you're dealing with. I have no answers, but just wanted to say best of luck, and please look for good folks here to help you along your journey. There are many here who will understand what you're dealing with.

    Good luck!
  • Julie95020
    Julie95020 Posts: 19 Member
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    Hello LJFJ. I am a fellow cat lover. :smile:
    I am sorry for the loss of your husband. This losing weight thing is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. But after carefully (obsessively?) tracking all my food and exercise for 3 weeks I have lost 10 pounds. It works and you can do it too! Best of luck! Just take it one day at a time and before you know it the weight will start to come off!
  • PaytraB
    PaytraB Posts: 2,360 Member
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    Linda, I'm sorry for your loss. Keep the memories alive and keep living your life as best you can. I lost my Mom awhile back. Although not the same thing as losing a spouse, I find that memories bring peace and comfort, as well as keep the person close to one.
    You've come to the right place for support. There are many of us "mature" members here. We're here for you whenever you log on.
  • suruda
    suruda Posts: 1,233 Member
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    Linda, I am so sorry for your loss, can't imagine how hard it is starting over.

    Your weight loss journey on MFP is something that is just for you. Try and be meticulous about weighing and tracking your food, even if you think you have had too much. I think this gives us the ability to carefully look at what we are eating and decide what just isn't worth it. It is all about one meal, one day at a time...if you over eat one day or one meal...just come on back and pick it up again.

    You are in the right place for support, most people on here are just trying to be helpful, if at times you feel like you are getting harsh replies, try to not take it personally.

    Good luck on this journey!
  • LJFJ
    LJFJ Posts: 73 Member
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    Thank you, all of you, for your kind and supportive welcome. My husband and I had no family, and because we were both home-bound, it wasn't easy to make any friends. As it turns out, after he died, a bunch of people showed up! People I didn't really know, but they were there to help and support me in any way they could. All but three are gone, now, but they probably got tired of my crying (although it's a little better than it was).

    I'm definitely going to take one day at a time. Yesterday was good, but I didn't eat enough and the Web site scolded me. I'm working on that today. I was up and down several times last night getting rid of water weight. Hence, I'm down exactly six pounds today. Not possible! It's water, not fat. Fortunately, though, my left leg wasn't as swollen as normal when I woke up this morning.

    With all of you here, I know I can do this. This is the best advice my doctor ever gave me, and I look forward to a new life that includes better health. Now that my husband has passed on, it's time for me to take care of issues I've ignored while taking care of him (I didn't want to leave him alone): regular mammograms, eyes and glasses, dentist, blood sugar (especially now that I'm diabetic), and weight. I have an occupational therapist, physical therapist, and nurse that come every week, and they'll support me in this, too. I wish I could do more exercises, but walking the length of the building twice and taking two sets of stairs has been my limit (for now), along with the other PT and OT exercises for my legs and arms.

    Thank you for being here for me. I'm starting to feel optimistic, which hasn't happened for years.

    Linda
  • gturner1955
    gturner1955 Posts: 1 Member
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    Hi I am sixty with medical problems also. I too have cats. Three of them. I was told by a dietician to go to this site. Scared also. It took a while to get used to the program. I still don't know how to get the stats on the meals I make. Do you know how
  • sice1953
    sice1953 Posts: 1 Member
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    Hi I myself am also 62 with 3 married daughters. There is nothing to be scared of. MFP is a great help. I have many medical problems and have had 3 emergency surgeries in 3 months. I have been disabled for the last 7 months and now am trying to get back into life and lose some weight. I know that it is hard but you can do it. Please be my friend. :)
  • shadowfax_c11
    shadowfax_c11 Posts: 1,942 Member
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    Hi there. I am so sorry that you lost your husband. I have been through that myself, although was quite young at the time. I lost mine 16 years ago and went through much of the same sort of thing that you describe. You are so lucky to have a Dr in your life who cared about you and sent you here before things went too far.

    Getting back to work will help a little. So will having people to talk to. This community seems great and I am sure will be a comfort to you. I know it is hard but do also try to get out and find some sort of a hobby that you can enjoy in a group. You are going to need to be around other people. Your friends who have been helping you, yeah they do sort of drift off back to their own lives. The really hard part happens after you have been left alone and the rest of the world just goes on. I know that pain and I know that this is when you might want to just quit caring about yourself. This is when food becomes your only comfort. So please do get out of the house and find people that you ca do something pleasant with at least a few times a week.

    Welcome to MFP. I wish you much success. :)
  • syedumairtelecom
    syedumairtelecom Posts: 101 Member
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    Dont be scared get over your fear ..
  • LJFJ
    LJFJ Posts: 73 Member
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    gturner1955 wrote: »
    Hi I am sixty with medical problems also. I too have cats. Three of them. I was told by a dietician to go to this site. Scared also. It took a while to get used to the program. I still don't know how to get the stats on the meals I make. Do you know how

    Good morning, gturner. I was wondering about that, too. I noticed in the food log there's a place where we can add our own creations. I would guess we would calculate the calories/carbs/fat/sugar for each ingredient, calculate the total for the recipe, then divide by the number of servings to get the data per serving. That's a lot of work, but we'd only have to do it once.

    Linda

  • LJFJ
    LJFJ Posts: 73 Member
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    sice1953 wrote: »
    Hi I myself am also 62 with 3 married daughters. There is nothing to be scared of. MFP is a great help. I have many medical problems and have had 3 emergency surgeries in 3 months. I have been disabled for the last 7 months and now am trying to get back into life and lose some weight. I know that it is hard but you can do it. Please be my friend. :)

    Good morning, sice. I added you as a friend so we can chat. Being disabled is tough, because we have to rely on others to help us. I'm okay in my apartment now, thanks to the occupational therapist, but getting out as much as I like is tough. I feel good just being able to walk up and down the halls when my legs support me, or when I can take my wagon with the trash/recycling to the dump area (outside the building). I get to see people and get some fresh air, too.

    Linda

  • LJFJ
    LJFJ Posts: 73 Member
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    syedumairtelecom wrote: »
    Dont be scared get over your fear ..

    Easy to say, harder to do, but thanks.

  • LJFJ
    LJFJ Posts: 73 Member
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    shadowfax_c11 wrote: »
    Hi there. I am so sorry that you lost your husband. I have been through that myself, although was quite young at the time. I lost mine 16 years ago and went through much of the same sort of thing that you describe. You are so lucky to have a Dr in your life who cared about you and sent you here before things went too far.

    Getting back to work will help a little. So will having people to talk to. This community seems great and I am sure will be a comfort to you. I know it is hard but do also try to get out and find some sort of a hobby that you can enjoy in a group. You are going to need to be around other people. Your friends who have been helping you, yeah they do sort of drift off back to their own lives. The really hard part happens after you have been left alone and the rest of the world just goes on. I know that pain and I know that this is when you might want to just quit caring about yourself. This is when food becomes your only comfort. So please do get out of the house and find people that you ca do something pleasant with at least a few times a week.

    Welcome to MFP. I wish you much success. :)

    Thank you, shadow. I lost my first husband when I was 21 (41 years ago); we were married only 10 months. He was a cop and killed in the line of duty. I didn't get to the hospital until after he passed. I still miss him and a part of me will always love him.

    Twelve years later, Al came into my life and the next 30 years were amazing. I never thought I'd love anyone again. But Al was really special.

    My hobbies are generally individual (e.g., painting, writing), but I do like target shooting. I found a tenant who likes to go to the range, too, and she said she and her husband will let me know the next time they go. In anticipation, I've cleaned my gun (haven't used it for a few years, so it really needed some attention) and bought more 9 mm ammo. In the building, we have a community room with a pool table and lots of jigsaw puzzles. There's always someone working on one, and I had to give them up when we started adopting cats (too many missing pieces!). Now, I can chat with others while trying to find those elusive straight edges!

    There is also a piano and organ, and I used to play the organ. I'm going to get some sheet music and see if I can still play.

    You mentioned about the world going on when I'm alone. I remember the day I came back from the hospital, and it made me so angry and sad that the world was going on as normal, not realizing that the most amazing man just lost his fight with cancer. It just didn't make sense to me. And I did quit caring about myself. It didn't seem to make any difference, as Al was gone and not coming home, although that part didn't happen until recently. I think it was only about two months ago that I finally accepted the fact that he wasn't going to come walking through the door and say, "I'm home!" It's really hard to take care of myself, since I was doing so only so I could take care of Al. Now, it doesn't seem worth the effort. I promised Al I'd take care of our adorable, loving, and funny cats, so they are the reason I keep the place clean and wake up everyday. As you mentioned, going back to work is going to help, even though it's online.

    Thank you for your wonderful post. Everyone has been so nice here. Day 4, and I'm starting to feel even more comfortable.

    Linda

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