Ok, I am finally at a breaking point. I have done this before, why am I struggling?

Brocksterdanza
Brocksterdanza Posts: 208 Member
edited November 16 in Motivation and Support
Back story in cliffs version... lost over 125 pounds by doing insanity, running and making a major dietary change. This transformation took over year. After i got down to the weight i was happy at (225), i was happy with my weight for the first time in a great while. However, over the past 2 years or so, i have gained back up to about 250 pounds. Granted this is much lower than the 340 or so that i was pushing years ago. However, i am really struggling to get the weight back off. I am much more healthy than i was in years passed. I can now run several miles without walking (pace isn't earth shattering, but its a steady jog). My wife is a touch overweight, only needs to lose about 10 pounds and she is is her sweet spot. My issue is i can do great for a few days.... i eat very clean, exercise 3 or so times a week and then all of a sudden, i fall off the wagon. I am a football coach and a teacher and i am embarrassed that I am in this mode. I am a happy go lucky guy and i find myself now dragging and depressed at times because of my weight. MY wife is now starting to notice that it is affecting the way i carry on my daily activity.

I lost all that weight and along with it a bunch of muscle. THus i was weak. I started lifting about 4 times a week using the strong lifts program. During this, i got much stronger rather quickly, however i started getting upset that i wasnt losing weight. I know that i was losing inches, however, i truly hate seeing the scale in the 230s and 240s.... and now the 250s. So i stopped lifting. I have ran some in the past month, but i just dont enjoy it anymore.

I just wish i could goto the gym, lift weights, do a small tidbit of cardio and drop weight while iw as doing it. I do not want to look skinny fat, but i truly enjoy seeing a 2 lb a week lost... it gives me a sense of accomplishment. HOnestly though, it has now been surpassed by me feeling like a lazy slob.

What advice can you give me? Please be gentle....

Coach

Replies

  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    edited April 2015
    Hi, Coach! You really need to get yourself to the point where the scale isn't your only or most important measure of success. It's just a number and it's one that only you and your doctor see. Everyone else sees how fit you look, how your clothes fit, etc. Why shouldn't that be a more important aspect of being fit and healthy instead of a silly number??

    Grab a measuring tape. Measure your major body parts and start tracking that here in MFP along with your weight. Get back into the gym and start lifting again. Get back into the running, too, because fitness and stamina are important. I say all of this because it's my story, too, at least as far as the weights and the scale are concerned.

    I started lifting last year. I've not had a lot of scale movement but, boy, has my body changed. I've been putting on a few more pounds lately and not tracking it because it bothers me but I still step on the scale every day. Feeling a bit depressed about it Sunday I grabbed the tape measure and my measurements are just slightly higher than they were when I weighed 15 pounds less! And I'm 5'4" so 15 pounds can make a huge difference. I knew my clothes still fit pretty well but I needed that affirmation that the scale really doesn't matter so much.

    So get back out there and make it happen. You only get one body. Take care of it.
  • TheRoseRoss
    TheRoseRoss Posts: 112 Member
    I think you're confusing "losing weight" with "losing fat." Take a look at this picture:

    bmi-comparison.jpg

    In both cases, the scale shows the same number for both, but they are worlds apart.

    "During this, i got much stronger rather quickly, however i started getting upset that i wasnt losing weight."

    Again, you weren't losing "weight." But you're not discerning whether or not that weight is muscle, fat, water, or a combination. If you were truly getting stronger, then you were building muscle. No two ways about it. You were increasing the amount of muscle, so the number on the scale should have gone up. You were increasing the amount muscle, but the number on the scale remained the same. This means that you were losing something while gaining muscle. It sounds as though you were building muscle while losing fat:

    ""I know that i was losing inches, however, i truly hate seeing the scale in the 230s and 240s.... and now the 250s."

    A pound of muscle weighs the same as a pound of fat, but takes up less space. Hence the number on the scale remaining the same, while you were losing inches. It sounds as though your body composition was changing, but the number on the scale wasn't, and that discouraged you.

    I'm not going to sugar coat it: You need to worry about more than what the number on the scale says. Worrying so intensely about that number has you here, pulling your hair out.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    Open your diary. You are almost certainly eating more than you think.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    RossAH wrote: »
    If you were truly getting stronger, then you were building muscle.

    NO.

    That's not correct.

    Strength gains - especially early strength gains - come without addition of any new muscle.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    edited April 2015
    Mr_Knight wrote: »
    RossAH wrote: »
    If you were truly getting stronger, then you were building muscle.

    NO.

    That's not correct.

    Strength gains - especially early strength gains - come without addition of any new muscle.
    Most of what else was said was spot on so be nice. If he was lifting and getting smaller but not seeing scale movement he was building some muscle. That is also possible early on.
  • Brocksterdanza
    Brocksterdanza Posts: 208 Member
    Yeah I wasn't eating at a surplus thus gaining muscle and getting bigger would seem unlikely.... Is it counter productive to do a strong lifts type program while adding some light 10-15 minute cardio at the end of a workout? On days that I was hitting it 4-5 days a week, during that hour and ten minutes or so, my polar was telling me that I was burning near 1000 calories every time... I have never been one to eat back my calories... Is that a bad thing? I have always been from the school burn more than you eat and you will lose weight.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    SueInAz wrote: »
    Mr_Knight wrote: »
    RossAH wrote: »
    If you were truly getting stronger, then you were building muscle.

    NO.

    That's not correct.

    Strength gains - especially early strength gains - come without addition of any new muscle.
    Most of what else was said was spot on so be nice. If he was lifting and getting smaller but not seeing scale movement he was building some muscle. That is also possible early on.

    The OP is almost certainly eating at a surplus. So yes, it is possible he was putting on muscle - but it also means he was putting on fat. Because you aren't going to add the former without adding the latter, except in rather special circumstances.

    Plus we are talking about 30 pounds of weight gain. Putting on 30 pounds of lean mass in two years requires a professional athlete level of commitment to exercise.

    Based on what OP shared, there is very little doubt over-eating is happening, and that's where the focus needs to be.
  • whatatime2befit
    whatatime2befit Posts: 625 Member
    Did you feel better about yourself when lifting and the scale wasn't moving, or now, that you've stopped and are gaining weight? When did you feel best about yourself? I bet you felt better then. Yes, the scale might not have shown you the numbers you wanted to see, but you felt better and stronger. That is what is important. The scale just shows numbers, not feelings.

    Get back to lifting or working out. The numbers on the scale aren't as important as how you felt, how you looked, and how your clothes were fitting.

    Don't do yourself a disservice by continuing to quit.
  • Brocksterdanza
    Brocksterdanza Posts: 208 Member
    Over eating doesn't occur all that often at binge levels as it used to.... My binge now is eating wings or pizza once a month or so. I keep my calories under 2400 a day as the my fitness pal requests, but in some cases, I am eating an extra serving whereas I used to not do that. I am drinking nearly a gallon of water per day and gave up soda and diet soda nearly a year and a half ago. Ironically, my weight gain started when I stopped drinking them. Now it's pretty much water and unsweetened tea without sweetener aside from a lemon or orange.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    Open your diary.
  • lsplace
    lsplace Posts: 11 Member
    I don't understand how you can be a football coach and not have a concept of weight training and nutrition. If you are at the high school level, aren't you already teaching your players in the weight room?
  • ScorpioJack_91
    ScorpioJack_91 Posts: 5,241 Member
    lsplace wrote: »
    I don't understand how you can be a football coach and not have a concept of weight training and nutrition. If you are at the high school level, aren't you already teaching your players in the weight room?

    Very true....
  • upgradeddiddy
    upgradeddiddy Posts: 281 Member
    lsplace wrote: »
    I don't understand how you can be a football coach and not have a concept of weight training and nutrition. If you are at the high school level, aren't you already teaching your players in the weight room?

    Not necessarily true, coaches can struggle personally but still guide players #RobRyan

    But I agree with an earlier post, you NEED to start tracking your food and even more so now, measuring your food. Fine tuning that will put you in a better position to achieve your goals
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    I think you would benefit by seeing a therapist. Something's bothering you that underlays all this.
  • Brocksterdanza
    Brocksterdanza Posts: 208 Member
    Haha yeah I actually head up out off season training and lift with the guys a great deal. I was a five sport athlete in high school and training was a big part of my life... After college, the training left... It wasn't a necessity anymore... Eating became the habit that filled my lack of sports and competition....

    As for needing to see a therapist, not sure if serious... I did lose my mother 3 years ago and I'm sure that is linked to my issues, but I have moved on from the complete sadness to acceptance.

    Again, I'm just in a place of confusion and low motivation.... Not a place that I find myself often...

    I would love to be 225 and look as though that I work out... However when I have Drs telling me that I am obese at 225 and 230, that straight pisses me off...

    As a youngish adult (35) how often should I lift? Should i be doing some sort of cardio each day? Should I be on a program or should I do a standard workout as my guys are doing in football? I know it is semi sport specific, but strong lifts is straight compound lifts for the most part which most sport specific workouts are based on.

    Thanks folls
  • Oshun64
    Oshun64 Posts: 12 Member
    Thank you so much posting this OP. And thanks to all those who have responded so far. I am within 5 lbs. of my goal weight and beginning a strength training class tomorrow. (Been doing cardio/walking up to now.) From all that I have read on the forums, I can expect to see the numbers on the scale go up a bit as I build muscle. Even though I understand the concept of losing fat/building muscle, I have been dreading the possibility of seeing the gain on the scale. So thank you for the helpful reminders to keep in my head as I embark on this next phase of my weight loss and fitness journey.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    'course I'm serious. You sound like you feel very unhappy... which is serious. People do strange things with food when they aren't happy. If you go on and off the wagon, on and off, on and off, then something's got to be going on, bothering you, so you mentioned your mom passing away... :( and a big loss like that can really affect you.
  • amy8400
    amy8400 Posts: 478 Member
    Here's some tough love with a bit of sugar sprinkled on it:

    1. Five sport athlete in high school, really? Very impressive. Could it be possible you're missing your glory days? Something clearly has you down and you're beating yourself up in your original post. You're surrounded by young athletes and are a guiding force for them. Get in there and lift with them, if possible. Be a role model. How many guys would love the opportunity to coach football?

    2. I'm impressed that you lost 125 pounds. That took serious commitment and change. Now before you slide back any further, it's time to find that drive again and realize that you can nip this in the bud. I'd definitely focus on nutrition, not just a cardio and weight program. If you open your diary, you can get some other perspectives on what you might want to do nutritionally. (And if you're not an open diary kinda person, it's okay. Just open it for 24 hours to get some feedback here, then make it private again).

    3. I don't know if you are weighing and logging your food and keeping track of exercise, but if you really want to see where you're going, this is the best roadmap you can have. If you're slipping off the wagon every few days, your diet may be too restrictive? Or are you feeling depressed and finding comfort in foods?

    4. If you don't enjoy running anymore, don't do it. Find something else. I just took my bike into the shop for a tune-up. Haven't rode it in 15 years. Only reason I'm having it done is to give me something else to break up the treadmill, running and weights. If you have access to a pool, try that. Does your wife work out with you? When my husband is home, we make a point to always walk at least 2-3 miles a day. What about hiking? There are so many beautiful greenways and trails in Eastern TN.

    5. Finally, don't be peeved that the doctor says you're obese at 225-230. That's their job to tell you that. My DH went from 230 to 189 and his doctor told him the same thing. He came home and that's all he could talk about--it made him a little mad, too. It's like you've worked so hard to lose all this weight and they tell you it's not good enough LOL

    Good luck with getting back on the wagon!
  • GWehsling
    GWehsling Posts: 120 Member
    gothchiq wrote: »
    I think you would benefit by seeing a therapist. Something's bothering you that underlays all this.

    This.

    You are sabotaging yourself, might as well find out why.
  • Brocksterdanza
    Brocksterdanza Posts: 208 Member
    Thanks for all the ideas everyone... I am going to start posting again each and everything... Once I get a few days logged, I will open it up.
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