Jealous

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Lucy_6678
Lucy_6678 Posts: 63 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am desperate :'( On January 20th my husband weighed 250 pounds and was overweight. I weigh 185 and am overweight. He had jaw surgery to help with his severe sleep apnea (yes I know his weight was an issue.) Things went very wrong and he needed another surgery. He could not (and still can’t) eat real food. Husband now weighs 190 pounds and I completely hate myself. He’s all the sudden getting into fitness and walking. I’ve been walking for years and I could never get him to go with me! I feel fat, depressed, and desperate. I know I should be happy for him and his weight loss, but I’m not. I honestly do not think this is going to be a long term lifestyle change for him. I am in a panic about this summer. We have a pool, he is going to look slim and I will look fat. When I get stressed or depressed I go right for the food and throw a beer or two in also. I don’t know why I am even posting this, I just need a place to vent and get my feelings out. I know I am acting like a jealous little kid. You would think this would be great motivation for me, but I just feel like curling up on the couch and hiding.

Replies

  • rawk_fairy_666
    rawk_fairy_666 Posts: 103 Member
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    can you try and view it as something you have in common? go walking together, try to see it as something you can enjoy together. My oh is very focussed on fitness and i have found it lovely to be able to talk to him about it all. Everyone else thinks its boring, but he will listen to me waffle on about calories and exercise, its nice. We are starting weight training together this week (he already does it and is going to help me). I honestly think it has brought us closer together. I think you need to change the way you are looking at this.
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,325 Member
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    Change is always really really difficult. We all think we would welcome it and embrace the new "whatever" but we don't. We are secure in how things were and wonder "what about me" when things change...however change is inevitable....jump on the health and fitness band wagon with him I promise you will never regret it.
  • samgamgee
    samgamgee Posts: 398 Member
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    rawk_fairy_666 wrote: »
    can you try and view it as something you have in common? go walking together, try to see it as something you can enjoy together. My oh is very focussed on fitness and i have found it lovely to be able to talk to him about it all. Everyone else thinks its boring, but he will listen to me waffle on about calories and exercise, its nice. We are starting weight training together this week (he already does it and is going to help me). I honestly think it has brought us closer together. I think you need to change the way you are looking at this.

    Well said :) I kind of see how you feel though OP, my OH has lost 23 lbs over the last couple of years, whereas I joined MFP at 144, didn't use it, life happened and I hit 160! I've now lost 7 lbs and am back on track, but he's done so well in losing all that weight already, I do feel a bit... Not envious exactly, obviously I'm very proud of him, but it can either be inspiring or disheartening depending on how I'm feeling that day. Chin up! Try to think of it as something you can share :)
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,908 Member
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    From what I see you have a few options. 1. you could remain jealous and depressed that your husband lost a bunch of weight by not being able to eat food which will eventually drive a wedge in your relationship possibly beyond repair. 2. You could be happy for him and talk to your husband about how you feel, maybe even while walking together. 3. You could use this to motivate you step it up and to also try to be slim this summer while lounging by your pool.
  • granturismo
    granturismo Posts: 232 Member
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    If I was in your position, my OP would have been a good opportunity to vent my frustrations. You've put your feelings on the keyboard, now its time to move on - can both of you go for walks together?

    So what if you dont reach a target by summer, enjoy your time together. Keep working on your goals at your rate.
  • 1nelle
    1nelle Posts: 39 Member
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    Lucy_6678 wrote: »
    I am desperate :'( On January 20th my husband weighed 250 pounds and was overweight. I weigh 185 and am overweight. He had jaw surgery to help with his severe sleep apnea (yes I know his weight was an issue.) Things went very wrong and he needed another surgery. He could not (and still can’t) eat real food. Husband now weighs 190 pounds and I completely hate myself. He’s all the sudden getting into fitness and walking. I’ve been walking for years and I could never get him to go with me! I feel fat, depressed, and desperate. I know I should be happy for him and his weight loss, but I’m not. I honestly do not think this is going to be a long term lifestyle change for him. I am in a panic about this summer. We have a pool, he is going to look slim and I will look fat. When I get stressed or depressed I go right for the food and throw a beer or two in also. I don’t know why I am even posting this, I just need a place to vent and get my feelings out. I know I am acting like a jealous little kid. You would think this would be great motivation for me, but I just feel like curling up on the couch and hiding.

    Dont get down on yourself. Guys tend to loss it alittle faster than us. My husband and myself have been working out since Feb. i am lossing weight and my husband is lifting to gain muscle his tummy is starting to flaten out and my still looks well not the greatest but i am not letting it bother me it take had work and you will get there it just takes time. If you would like you can add me as a friend we can talk.
  • samhennings
    samhennings Posts: 441 Member
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    Lucy_6678 wrote: »
    I am desperate :'( On January 20th my husband weighed 250 pounds and was overweight. I weigh 185 and am overweight. He had jaw surgery to help with his severe sleep apnea (yes I know his weight was an issue.) Things went very wrong and he needed another surgery. He could not (and still can’t) eat real food. Husband now weighs 190 pounds and I completely hate myself. He’s all the sudden getting into fitness and walking. I’ve been walking for years and I could never get him to go with me! I feel fat, depressed, and desperate. I know I should be happy for him and his weight loss, but I’m not. I honestly do not think this is going to be a long term lifestyle change for him. I am in a panic about this summer. We have a pool, he is going to look slim and I will look fat. When I get stressed or depressed I go right for the food and throw a beer or two in also. I don’t know why I am even posting this, I just need a place to vent and get my feelings out. I know I am acting like a jealous little kid. You would think this would be great motivation for me, but I just feel like curling up on the couch and hiding.

    The thing that leaps out to me?

    Why dont you get on board with his new habits? His current enthusiasm likely wont last forever, for now it can pick you up and get you going - and then when it wanes he will have you to help keep the healthy lifestyle going.

    Do it together, you both might stand a better chance of success that way.

  • jenncornelsen
    jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
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    though i understand where your coming from, u seem as though your trying to make your husband feel bad for his success. this is not a good road to take. get out of the funk now and exercise with him. who cares if he has a head start. in 1 year u can both be super healthy and fit! i agree weight loss is slower for women though so do not compare your journey to his. focus on u feeling better. by july who knows u could be down 20 and u and him could have something that brings u together instead of tearing u apart
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
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    I know where you are coming from, but even you can see the fault in it and how unhealthy it is.
    Focus on yourself and making your own diet effective. Be happy for him.
  • katiejanecollins
    katiejanecollins Posts: 236 Member
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    I get where your coming from, I'm envious that my boyfriend can eat everything and anything yet remains lovely and slim, but ever since day 1 of joining the gym he's been my workout buddy. 4 days a week we 'gym' together, and 1 day a week we go for a run. It's such a fab way to bond and get talking. After almost 4 years of being with him, working out together is one of many ways we find even more to talk about. He's quite reserved about things that are upsetting him (i.e. a current family situation is a good example), but he opened up about it on our run the other day giving us a chance to talk about it without anyone or anything being a distraction. It's great, I couldn't be happier! You two can be the same and keep each other motivated :)
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,576 Member
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    Think about this logically. You are jealous of your husband having medical problems!

    Stop reaching for food and beer as comfort and start eating right and exercising with your husband. See this as a opportunity for you BOTH to make lasting lifestyle changes for the better. If you want to change, then change.
  • maillemaker
    maillemaker Posts: 1,253 Member
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    Have your husband punch you in the jaw so you need surgery, too. :)
  • aquamarina_182
    aquamarina_182 Posts: 119 Member
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    maillemaker wrote: »
    Have your husband punch you in the jaw so you need surgery, too. :)

    LOL! Sorry...it literally made me laugh out loud.
    No need to be jealous! use this as an opportunity to work out together and have fun :D
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
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    Don't you have a symbiotic relationship? You are married, and supposed to be working together, not against each other. It's not a competition. Support him, and ask for his support. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start working on yourself. You'll get there eventually, just start now.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    Well, isn't he lucky to have you and your unwavering support. :|
  • Lucy_6678
    Lucy_6678 Posts: 63 Member
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    Thank you for your replies! I laughed at the punch comment also. It was funny. I am feeling bad for myself. But it felt so good to get it all out. Neither of us were/are in great shape, but walking was always "my" thing and I do it as often as I can. I enjoy walking the dogs and listening to my books. At the moment we are both walking while our girls are at activities. I'm walking during lacrosse practice. Husband is walking while the other girl is at track practice. We haven't had time to walk together yet.

    I appreciate being able to put my feelings on here. I do plan to pull myself out of this funk and get on with it.
  • spzjlb
    spzjlb Posts: 599 Member
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    My two cent's worth: I think that you are frustrated because your husband's weight loss happened with no self-effort or motivation required. Of course, this is not a nice way for him to get started losing weight, but it has led to enthusiasm on his part to keep going, because getting slimmer and healthier feels great!!

    I once felt jealous of my husband, very much like you, when my hubby finally shaped up. Simultaneously, I was gaining weight (reason doesn't matter). I was bitter and grumpy. Finally, after about two years, I finally pushed my pride and anger aside and embarked on MFP. I'm now close to goal weight and we both look and feel well.

    Most importent to you, OP, my jealousy and anger lifted after I lost my first few pounds. Give it a try!!! You just have to push your pride aside and start counting calories. Timing is perfect since you won't be struggling to eat well and exercise alone!
  • Graceious1
    Graceious1 Posts: 716 Member
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    My partner (too old to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend at 46 and 50) and I do martial arts together but run seperately as we like to do so listening to our music on our devices. We get into our own zones and then discuss our progress/challenges when we get together. It has definitely bought us closer and improved our intimacy, if you know what I mean! For some reason men lose quicker than us ladies but we congratulate each other either way. I hope you sort it out with your husband soon.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    I use to be jealous of my boss but then I got with it and lost the weight and look good also. Maybe get a different attitude and let it motivate you to look good with him.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 24,937 Member
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    Lucy_6678 wrote: »
    I weigh 185 and am overweight. ... I am in a panic about this summer. We have a pool, he is going to look slim and I will look fat.

    You've got what ... another couple months before you'll get into the pool?

    Set up your goals to lose 0.5 kg/week (approx. 1 lb/week), and stick to the calorie amount MFP gives you for the next 2 months.

    Keep exercising ... even add a bit more if you can. Do a bit of weight lifting to build some muscle.

    And in 2 months, you might very well be looking a whole lot more slender and toned by the pool. :)

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