I'm new, and need support. (150+ to lose)

Hi there!!

I found MFP a while ago, and finally got around to using it frequently when I was introduced to the iPod Touch app a few months ago. I'm no stranger to tracking food, though I used the pencil and paper method for the longest time, but I find that I enjoy using the iPod app. But anyway, I'm not here to talk about that, instead I want to tell my story, in the hope that I'll find others who can perhaps become a network of support...so here goes!

I began putting on weight in my early teens, and while I was overweight through middle school, I quickly reached the obese mark in High School. Back then, it didn't really hold me back. I still swam on my high school swimming team my junior and senior year, and I went off to college feeling pretty good about myself. I wasn't even that conscious of what my weight actually was. I know in middle school at some point I weighed somewhere around 160 (which is definitely high for a middle schooler, but was a weight I could have grown into.) By the middle of college though, I reached 300, and in the year after graduating college, my weight peaked at 325.

I decided then that I had had enough. I was in a new city, having a difficult time meeting people, and getting adjusted to a new life, and I was pretty miserable and lonely. But I gradually made changes. I began walking more. I made fast friends with a co-worker, and she and I would meet daily for walks and to vent and we counted calories together. (This was the first time in my history of going to doctors and nutritionists and weight watchers that I was successfully tracking what I ate!)

I lost 18 lbs before being sidelined by a series of colds and other illnesses, and then while moving, I injured my foot, and found myself back at 310 when I went to a doctor for my first physical in quite some time. I think this was the first time I was mentally prepared to be as proactive about my health as possible. I had her test me for everything, and sure enough, my blood pressure was slightly elevated, my lipid profile could have been better, and I had blood values in the pre-diabetic range. Given my family history, my young age, and battle with weight, I decided to make some serious changes and stick with them.

I went through a diabetes education course, found a new nutritionist who I really liked, and set some goals to run, even though running was something I abhorred. I completed my first 5k in December 2009, and literally came in as the last person to cross the finish line...but I finished!! And after taking off from some of my better habits over the winter, I got back into watching what I ate, running (with a new buddy) and by the time my second 5k rolled around in October 2010, I had normal blood values, great eating patterns, and was down to 285! A weight I hadn't seen since high school. I was wearing smaller clothes (literally even wearing my high school jeans) and felt amazing. I was in love with running, with eating good foods, and building up a better relationship with myself.

But then winter struck, and it was a really harsh one where I live. I got the winter blues, and stopped being active, and stopped eating right, and went right back up to 307. Now I'm hovering around 300-305, and despite adopting those healthier habits that I spent so much time developing, and becoming active again, the numbers don't seem to budge. I don't have the support of anyone in my life, other than the clinicians I see, and the verbal support of some friends (who are very busy with their own lives). I have a race tomorrow evening that I'm totally unprepared for, so I'll be walking it. And I just feel downright lousy about how I look and how I feel.

I walk daily, I garden, babysit (which involves a lot of running), I don't have a car so I do a lot of extra walking or biking (plus public transportation) to get around, and i practice yoga regularly. And then when I can motivate myself to work out I do the treadmill or elliptical at the gym, or go for a run. I'm a foodie and love to cook wholesome, balanced meals with fresh ingredients. I weight or measure out my portions, because it's become second nature to me. I definitely know what I have to do to get there, because I've done it before. Besides which, I'm in a better place in my life than I've ever been before.

But because of how lousy I feel, I think I'm having a hard time staying motivated and staying focused. I feel hopeless, because pretty much half my life has been spent battling my weight. And I don't want to fight anymore. Not only that, but for the first time, I really feel like my outside isn't reflecting who I am on the inside, and that makes me sad, because I realize that the world probably isn't seeing me for who I really am.

So...can anyone help? I'd really appreciate forming a network of support, because I really feel like I can't keep doing this alone.

Thanks!

Starting Wt: 325
Current Wt: 303.6
Goal #1: 285
Long term goal: 155