Looking for people to chat with on deciding to have kids.

How old are you? I waited to have kids until I was 34. I was married at 27 and got my wild party days out of my system before having them. I now have 2 beautiful kids, a boy and a girl. I love them more than words can express and now I can't imagine life without them. It's a personal decision that you'd have to carefully think over. Discuss it with your husband or boyfriend and then go from there. If you're not ready yet then give it some time. Good luck on whatever you decide to do!

jnite wrote: »

Problem is that i am 38. I thought as i got older it would get clearer, but that hasnt happened. We have talked it over a million times, i thought i had decided, but am second guessing again. We both are really cut down the middle, there is some desire there to have them but not overwhelming. Just thought it might help to have some outside opinions from others who have struggled with the same thing.

My husband and I both used to desperately want kids. Then we got married, life changed, we realised how much we like our life as it is and how much kids would change it. We enjoy playing with other people's kids, but love giving them back. It's tough - everyone expects you to have them, sometimes I wonder if I'll regret not having them, other times I think I'd regret having them and be stuck. It's not like you can take them back to the shop if the don't fit, is it?

Obviously, this is a very personal decision...but I will say that while having one child will change your life...it doesn't necessarily change your lifestyle completely. With just one child, it is still relatively easy to pick up and go places...to travel. You will only have to save up to feed, clothe, and educate one child. Your life will not revolve around getting multiple kids to multiple activities (which inevitably will be scheduled at the same time).

I have three boys...my first just before turning 35 and my youngest a month before my 40th birthday. Obviously I got a lot "out of my system" before "settling down." Today my life is a hectic whirl of activity...but while I wouldn't change it, there are times I miss the time when my oldest was my only, and we could hop a flight at the spur of the moment.

I'm in a similar boat. I'm 30 and have been ambivalent about kids my entire life. I also thought it would get clearer over time, but it really hasn't. Mr. Pineapple and I are currently leaning towards not and always have leaned towards not. We talk about it every so often to see if either of us have changed our stance. On my part, I consider my own desire, both intensity and frequency, quite a bit in the decision. Occasionally, I want to have kids, but it's never intense and it happens maybe once a year for like a day or two. If the desire was consistent or became so, I think we might have kids in some way. (I have a slight phobia about being pregnant, so it's likely we'd go the adoption route.)

livingleanlivingclean wrote: »

My husband and I both used to desperately want kids. Then we got married, life changed, we realised how much we like our life as it is and how much kids would change it. We enjoy playing with other people's kids, but love giving them back. It's tough - everyone expects you to have them, sometimes I wonder if I'll regret not having them, other times I think I'd regret having them and be stuck. It's not like you can take them back to the shop if the don't fit, is it?

These things are all the thoughts I have myself. I always wanted to have children until we got married. At that point I think I realised that I don't have to have children, and I could just... not. I'm 29 and whilst I don't feel in a tremendous rush to make a decision, my husband is 36 later this year. He has always said that he didn't want to have children after 40; he was born when his dad was 40 and felt that he missed out on some of the more active stuff. So the clock is ticking, much as I'd like the DINKY lifestyle to continue for a while longer.

I loathe the idea of making a decision one way or another, and then regretting it when it is too late to go back. (This is partly my personality, though - I hated wedding planning because I struggled to make decisions and then once I'd made them, I got really frustrated by seeing other things that I could have chosen instead, even though it all turned out wonderfully in the end)

My husband also has a daughter from a previous relationship who spends every other weekend with us. She is 13 and a grumpy teenager, so I know that I shouldn't use her as a benchmark of what parenting is like. She was lovely when she was younger, and I know she will be lovely again (and even now manages to be perfectly sweet and wonderful on occasion) but it is difficult to keep perspective sometimes. It would be different if we had her full-time, but she has lots of influences (her mum's, and grandparents on both sides who have been heavily involved in her upbringing) which we are sometimes fighting against.

Also - the idea of pregnancy and childbirth makes me feel a little bit weird. Has anyone considered fostering or adopting as an alternative to having your own?

I never wanted nor thought I was capable of being a mum. I'm not a typically "maternal" person. I'm not someone who "coos" over babies. Yet, I'm so glad that fate had other ideas. Parenthood is a wonder and terror all in one unique package. Nothing wrong whether a person wants it or not. My "baby" will be 19 tomorrow and I'll never stop thinking of him as my "baby". He keeps me strong when nothing else can.

I'm 26 and have had 5 pregnancies but ... have 3 children under 6 years old.... I honestly have loved every second of being a mother to them... I was definite on having children though.... I have so much love that I can give, my children are my life. I have raised them on my own ( sadly didn't work out with him and he doesn't bother... complicated story lol) but even still they are the best things in my life and always will be. it's amazing the amount of love you can have for a growing bump... then when you see them for the first time you feel as if you are about to burst with happiness! the bond is unreal! I did worry about if I wouldn't have a bond... but straight away your whole world falls into place like a jigsaw : ) they shock and surprise you at every moment... not forgetting the smiles and laughter! unconditional love you have for them is greater than any kind of love out there.
I look at it as fate... if it's going to happen... let it...or try! if it doesn't maybe it wasn't meant to be.
really think of everything about having a child... think of are you living in the right place, is the house big enough, schools? work, child minding or raising them yourself? etc that's what I did at the time. I have seen 55 year olds having a healthy baby... and they were fitter than me! so age is only a concern because of the dreaded menopause...but some people don't get it until they're 60! or because I guess of the risks later on in life carrying a baby full term.

some people say they don't want to become a parent... because they're scared they wont be good enough.... they will but they just need to have faith in themselves. we all make mistakes, we all will fall down, but we get back up!
go to a baby clothes shop... looks at baby outfits or go do some voluntary with nursery aged children... something will trigger you but it's just finding out what? I wish you luck in your decision with whichever you decide on

My wife and I just spent this past weekend on our own...dropped the kids off at Grandma's and we had pretty much the run of the weekend. It was awesome...it was a reminder of how truly free we used to be prior to having our two boys.

It's a big thing...there are definitely trade offs. When my wife and I first married, neither of us really wanted kids...and I'll say that you're never truly ready, but in our mid thirties we definitely were at a point where we had changed our minds...we wanted them...no fence walking there.

This past weekend being kidless was fantastic...it was great to pretend like we were our old free selves, even if it was just for 30 hours or so...but I couldn't imagine my life without my boys and giving them a big hello hug yesterday evening brought me more joy than anything in the world.

I have 2 daughters (10 and 13). I worried about having them waaaay too much. They are the best thing in the world and we should have had them sooner!

I'm a mother of 3. And I love them to death. But the truth of the matter is you never miss what you never had. Now you can miss your peace and quite and the freedom of just being the two of you. Or you can create someone that is a combination of the two of you and create a living legacy that will hopefully live beyond you and your husband. But please don't make the decision lightly because although children are an joy they don't stay kids for long. Good luck.