The "After" Myth

I'm not sure about the "after" since I'm not there yet, but I know the part about the before is really true in my case. When people say "that girl" I usually politely say "yeah, I was heavier back then". I don't understand that disconnect between the past me and the present me. Looking different is not the reason they do that either. When you show someone your baby pictures they say "aww you were cute!", they don't talk about you in third person as if they're in denial you were ever at that weight or that it's a shameful place to be. It's not. I was a happy obese person, and now I'm a happy fat person, and in a couple of years I will be a happy thin person.

It doesn't really upset me, people can be clumsy with words sometimes and things come across offensive when that wasn't their intention, I just don't understand it. The other day a relative said "you have lost so much weight and you're moving effortlessly! It's hard to believe you were that person who used to tumble around huffing and puffing. You are amazing". She meant well. She meant to paint a vivid picture of how far I've come to make me feel good about my progress. I didn't need that though. I had no self esteem issues back then, and I don't have any now. I'm not ashamed of any part of it, and if it did not affect my health I wouldn't mind gaining a few back (though I doubt I would want to gain a lot because It would make it hard to run).

I thanked her while wondering am I going to magically disappear again and be a fair target for ridicule when that person at my goal weight takes my place?

Thank you. So many people say. " I will be happy if I reach XXX pounds." But is that what makes you happy? Being healthy, active and staying off medications with which my doctor has threatened me makes me happy but saying that means there is no after and I have no reason not to be happy right now.

jrline wrote: »

I am not sure there is ever a point where you feel happy with where you are.

The betterment of self is a life long endeavor.

jrline wrote: »

I am not sure there is ever a point where you feel happy with where you are.

like amusedmonkey pointed out. You should be happy with where you are. That's different from being satisfied or not having goals. What's the point in being unhappy now.

Great link, thanks for sharing it! When it was time for me to transition into maintenance I had a difficult time- dealing with going from having a plan of action (to lose weight), to the 'now what?' I got it figured out eventually but it was a process that was pretty challenging.

i really needed that. What I'm struggling with is still being unhappy with my body after meeting my original goal ( and I think that's one of the reasons I let myself go for a couple months and regained some weight). Really need to work on loving myself, and seeing the real me

slideaway1 wrote: »

I think that's why people go backwards once they have achieved their goal. Life does not magically change. People might treat you a bit differently (but even that might seem fake as you know that your still you). That's why it's so important to exercise/diet etc in a way that is sustainable for life and use the knowledge you have gained to empower you forever.

I agree. I think the reason some people regain weight after successfully losing is because they do believe in an "after". That is a recipe for failure.

I also have constant goals. That's what keeps me moving forward and making progress.

jrline wrote: »

I am not sure there is ever a point where you feel happy with where you are.

I agree with this. I think no one is ever happy with their results progress- if they were they would have achieved them in the first place. People with 4% body fat always look to the next challenge. Human nature I think.

If you are doing it right.. I don't think "after" exists... life after all is about challenging yourself... or as one philosopher put it..." the life unexamined is not worth living".. are we all NOT here because we began examining our life? and found it lacking.. are we all not here to re-arrange our lives so we can better examine our own physical and emotional capabilities and expand on them? the Author was 100% right when she wrote that it was in part about learning to love yourself... part of the expression of love is knowing that YOU can't ever stop striving to live up to your own expectations of yourself... that through that love we must also learn to forgive ourselves when we falter... when we lose sight of the reason we are on this journey... I see so many profiles of folks that never fill out their profiles completely...leave blank their motivations and their inspirations...because these are even more important than the goal...lose sight of those two things... and what is it all for? for vanity's sake? or does all the pain, anguish, frustration, starvation, sweat, anger, loneliness, hunger, distress, anxiety, and cost have a deeper more relevant cause for us? after is tomorrow... it is a day that never arrives... BUT promises so much... it's just a carrot on a stick.. leading us down this path... share your motivation.. share your inspiration... not for any looky loos, or creepers.. BUT so YOU know... each and every time you log in.. that YOU are not here for AFTER... you are here.. you are now... and you are worth taking another step for... you are looking to the endless horizon knowing.. that you are embracing this very moment.. and in this moment you have a vision of yourself worth all your attention, and worthy of your love.

I don't feel like I will ever hit an "after" either as there is always something to improve. I hit my goal weight a long time ago, but created a new goal when I did, then another after that. The difference is that now, the goals take a lot longer for just a little bit of progress as opposed to just dropping weight. That was the easy part looking back at it.