S/O prefers a love child with me than holy matrimony (MFP newbie still)

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LesieliSky
LesieliSky Posts: 26 Member
in Chit-Chat
I've been faithful and committed to just loving him only (last 5-6 years) even when we weren't together. He's not ready to get married but is okay with fathering children with me. What is wrong with this picture

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  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
    edited April 2015
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    him

    Sounds like lack of commitment... though not everyone feels the need to marry. If he's planning on sticking around to Father the children and be in their lives... that's one thing. But to decide later he's tired of playing house... that's different and would leave you on your own to be a single mother.
  • michelleamhill
    michelleamhill Posts: 35 Member
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    I know it's hard, but if this relationship isn't what you want, leave. Do not bring children into it, if it's not everything you dreamed of and more. There are so many great guys out there - you will find one when you realize you are worth it!
  • michelleamhill
    michelleamhill Posts: 35 Member
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    Also, if after 5 years he's not ready to marry you and you want to be a married women one day, then it's time to move on.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    If he was just someone who was not into marriage, then it would just be a matter of you deciding if the piece of paper was a deal breaker. But if he has said that he's not ready "yet" - indicating that he might be ready down the track - but is happy to have a child with you, that picture is definitely wrong. Having a kid together should be the ultimate commitment, not the piece of paper. The fact that he is supposedly ready to be a parent but not a husband is concerning.
  • sweetteadrinker2
    sweetteadrinker2 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    Umm, nothing. I'm like your guy, I don't want to get married soon if ever, but babies are soooo on my radar.
  • Treasonous
    Treasonous Posts: 22 Member
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    I don't know. I always felt that any child of mine deserved a mother and father.... Who actually liked each other enough to marry. Ask any kid if it matters to them. It matters.
  • Sinistrous
    Sinistrous Posts: 5,589 Member
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    o.o

    Just their preference..
    If you don't like it, you know, you do have the choice of finding someone else.

    It's his choice whether or not he wants to.
    It's your choice whether or not YOU want to.
  • vixtris
    vixtris Posts: 688 Member
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    Sounds risky. As if he wants to experience having children, but may not be sure it's "his thing" and if he isn't tied down by marriage he could leave anytime ... I think it is ok if both partners mutually decide not to be married for one reason or another, as it is more increasingly popular these days to only be in a domestic partnership. But this just seems more like commitment issues to me.
  • maroonmango211
    maroonmango211 Posts: 908 Member
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    Me and Man have been together for a wonderful 6 years we have 3 children together and we love each other very much. We aren't married, nor will we be any time soon. There is nothing wrong with that picture. If you think there is something wrong with your relationship then by all means talk to him about it, or if you feel he isn't committed because you aren't legally or religiously bound to each other then get on one knee and ask him.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    Just to clarify my above answer, I don't see any problem at all with not getting married. But the way you phrased it makes it sound like he feels that getting married is a bigger commitment than having kids and that's what would worry me.
  • softblondechick
    softblondechick Posts: 1,275 Member
    edited April 2015
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    He won't change. You decide if that is what you want. If not, and it seems like you are not on the same page...time to review your goals.

    I have seen many situations, where that piece of paper...meant a lot.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    edited April 2015
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    If you are the type of person that needs something to be legalized or written on paper to have a fulfilling and complete relationship (whether due to religion, personal preference, etc) and he's not, then you two should move on and find other people that share the same expectations.

    Personally, I think that if two people want to be/stay together, they'll stay together, regardless of labels. And their relationship isn't more or less because they are legally married, nor should it be a necessity to have kids if they want.

    But again, if (for whatever personal reason) actual marriage is a must have before you have kids or just a must for a committed relationship, then it sounds like you need to find someone else.
  • _incogNEATo_
    _incogNEATo_ Posts: 4,537 Member
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    The important question isn't whether or not he'd be willing to marry you, it's whether or not he'd drink your booby milk after having the child.
    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10144630/so-mad-need-advice/p1
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    asflatasapancake wrote: »
    _incogNEATo_ wrote: »
    The important question isn't whether or not he'd be willing to marry you, it's whether or not he'd drink your booby milk after having the child.
    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10144630/so-mad-need-advice/p1

    That is now become the litmus test for a potential mate, I think.

    tumblr_mejtidej6z1ra2rvc.gif
  • wolfsbayne
    wolfsbayne Posts: 3,116 Member
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    asflatasapancake wrote: »
    _incogNEATo_ wrote: »
    The important question isn't whether or not he'd be willing to marry you, it's whether or not he'd drink your booby milk after having the child.
    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10144630/so-mad-need-advice/p1

    That is now become the litmus test for a potential mate, I think.

    That one still isn't as entertaining as the Dr. Poon diet thread that got zapped while I was sleeping :angry:
  • LesieliSky
    LesieliSky Posts: 26 Member
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  • LesieliSky
    LesieliSky Posts: 26 Member
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    Thanks you guys for all your honest responses.
  • ronronronj
    ronronronj Posts: 474 Member
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    JUST DON'T DO IT!!!

    First of all, there is the matter of legal protection for you and your child. Second of all, the statistics for wealth building for yourself (and yes, you must consider the long term) as well as your child's potential success in life are scary for children born out of wedlock. Do a web search on the statistics. Your child deserves a stable relationship with married parents. If your boyfriend cannot commit, this is a troublesome sign for the future.

    Anyone can father a child, but it takes a special person to be a DAD.

    Sorry if I sound really old-fashioned, but the numbers are on my side in this. My wife also has worked in juvenile justice and 90+% of the client base is made up of kids from fatherless families or broken homes. This is not to say that kids born out of wedlock cannot succeed, but the odds are worse.
  • jnv7594
    jnv7594 Posts: 983 Member
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    Well, the fact that you are here talking to strangers about this rather than talking to him is telling in and of itself. I was in the opposite situation as you are years ago. My boyfriend wanted me to marry him, but I didn't want to get married. I've never wanted to get married and never will. I have my reasons, and I'm sure your man has his. But honestly, he's the only one that can answer the question of why.

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