I feel completely out of control with food.

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literaryspirit
literaryspirit Posts: 7 Member
in Motivation and Support
I just started tracking my calories again yesterday. I didn't go over my calories today, but I already feel afraid I will tomorrow. I felt a lot more clear minded today and didn't realize how much time thinking of food takes up. I don't really know why I have this relationship with food or where it stems from. I don't even eat more than 2,000 calories on days where I am not tracking my food intake. I just feel guilty anytime I put ANYTHING in my body, even a piece of celery. I guess it's because of criticism I have always received from people that made me so insecure. I am not obese and I know a lower weight is attainable, but it seems like something that only lucky people get in life or something like that. I just need some support from people who maybe understand what I am talking about or have gone through the same thing?

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  • LUAPness
    LUAPness Posts: 6 Member
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    I think I understand where you're coming from.
    Ever since I was a kid, I grew up in a family where it was always encouraged to eat. Y'know the whole, "Oh you're finished? Here, have seconds!" or the "Finish EVERYTHING on your plate" sorta mentality. So I've never realized how easily I can rack up calories until I started tracking them. I'm constantly thinking about how whatever I'm eating at the moment is going to affect my next meal, and I have to mentally block myself from putting portions that I've been used to, which would be not abiding by any form of measured portions at all, and it just makes me feel like the food is stronger than I am. I DO get guilty when I eat, but nowadays I'm getting used to smaller portions that make me feel a little better about myself. I think just keeping up with the routine will make you think about it less and less, and not stress out about the minutiae. Keeping an eye on calories would probably develop into reflex so that you wouldn't have to really THINK about the food for very long.

    I felt like I went on and rambled for a bit without being very coherent, so sorry if this doesn't help, ha ha.
  • ArwaMuslimah
    ArwaMuslimah Posts: 24 Member
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    OMG! I felt that u r taiking about my state iam difinetly the same story :o:)
  • literaryspirit
    literaryspirit Posts: 7 Member
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    @LUAPness. My family used to call me fat and my dad told me I don't need to eat before. He used to tell me that no guy wanted a fat girl. My mom said stuff too. The funny thing is that they always try to feed me. And then they will act all concerned and make an embarrassing scene when I don't want something, almost like I have an eating disorder or something. I can't eat around them anymore. I definitely feel like I give food a power over me. Almost like it is non-physical or godly or something. You didn't ramble. Made perfect sense.
  • LUAPness
    LUAPness Posts: 6 Member
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    @literaryspirit Oh man, it's exactly the same for me! One day I'm encouraged to eat, and then the next I'd get comments about being obese, saying I'm way too fat, and mentions of family history of health problems that I'm not helping out at all.

    I think I gave food too much power when I started using it as a way to sorta "eat my feelings", if you will. Some days sucked, and good food always made me feel better.
  • literaryspirit
    literaryspirit Posts: 7 Member
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    So what did you do about those moments where you have to choose between food or no food? What do you do to distract yourself?
  • literaryspirit
    literaryspirit Posts: 7 Member
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    @arwaahmedaliahmedomran I added you :) Nice to know you feel my pain..
  • LUAPness
    LUAPness Posts: 6 Member
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    Well, sometimes when I have to choose, I opt to take the middle ground and have a small piece of whatever it is I'm thinking about. Sometimes that makes me happy enough to go about my general business, and sometimes it just hits me with crushing amounts of guilt. If I DO take that little piece, regardless of the outcome I tend to push it a little harder when it comes to the workout I do that day.

    Something a friend of mine does is take the food and just smell it. The aroma is enough to get him to stop thinking about it, but personally that'd just drive me crazy.
  • nicola8989
    nicola8989 Posts: 381 Member
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    @literaryspirit - your family sound so similar to my mum. She always made snide remarks about me being fat when I was thin and she only seemed to accept me when I actually became fat. But like you, she'd be making remarks about me being fat then insisting I eat, the same with my abusive ex, he would call me fat then insist I eat.
  • patmid
    patmid Posts: 45 Member
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    LUAPness wrote: »
    Well, sometimes when I have to choose, I opt to take the middle ground and have a small piece of whatever it is I'm thinking about. Sometimes that makes me happy enough to go about my general business, and sometimes it just hits me with crushing amounts of guilt. If I DO take that little piece, regardless of the outcome I tend to push it a little harder when it comes to the workout I do that day.

    Something a friend of mine does is take the food and just smell it. The aroma is enough to get him to stop thinking about it, but personally that'd just drive me crazy.

    It works for me as well as your friend, especially with curries, or highly spiced foods. I take a really deep breath over the dish, of course keeping my mouth closed lol.

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