No support at home.

Robinludell
Robinludell Posts: 15 Member
edited September 27 in Motivation and Support
Very, very low. I don't have the support of my husband. This is so hard. He is making me feel so guilty. I don't understand? I go to the gym early, don't take any of "his" time. Is there anyone out there with this problem.

Replies

  • ewhitis
    ewhitis Posts: 132
    Don't have that particular problem anymore, but...Sometimes it has to be all about you. If not, you wind up where we are now!
  • crunchymommy
    crunchymommy Posts: 30 Member
    Fortunately, no, I don't have this problem, but I'm wondering whether you could try to figure out what about your lifestyle changes is making him feel jealous and resentful. Maybe figuring out what is at the root (such as being worried that you'll get skinny and not want him for some reason? I've heard of this.) and reassuring him will help!
  • mommiedawn
    mommiedawn Posts: 53 Member
    Well no I'm sorry I'm not experiencing this but I'm sorry to hear it. Friend me and we can support each other! My husband stays out of my way generally, but honestly he's that way by nature. I've had to learn to stay out of his way over the years and am doing this fitness stuff on my own. He doesn't really want to hear about it, but he did give me a gift certificate to buy a heart rate monitor so he's supportive.

    Maybe one thing I CAN say is that I have had to learn to concenrate on my health (physically and mentally), check my intentions constantly so that I am being good to my husband for the right reasons, and recognizing what I need from him and finding out how to communicate that.....and I know that what I need from him is that he concenrate on his own health too. If we take care of ourselves, have good intentions, eventually it will fall into place. At least that is where I place my faith!!!

    Good luck and keep at it, you are worth the effort, he'll love the results eventually no matter what!
  • charli21
    charli21 Posts: 13
    this is so disturbing to hear. dont let him disrupt this health journey that you are on--stay strong and continue your path. he obviously feels insecure about your journey (afraid you'll leave him, become even more attractive to other men, etc), but this is his issue--not yours. what about asking him to go on an evening walk with you? or going on a bike ride together? that way you're exercising and spending time with him; but i also think you should continue to do whatever your current workout schedule is in addition to hubby/activity time. i hope things change for you! keep up your spirits!
  • momchelle3
    momchelle3 Posts: 7
    Sounds like he feels a tad guilty....don't let that stop you, you will grow to resent him if you do. Keep at it and hopefully he will come aboard one day. :)
  • aether74
    aether74 Posts: 3
    I have the same problem. Zero support, and I've taken on a completely new diet change, but I am still expected to cook for him and the family, even though I can't eat anything that I cook for them. I asked him for help with meal prep for the family because I am exhausted with my 800 calorie a day detox diet and 4 days a week workout schedule, and now he hasn't spoken to me for 5 days. I agree with the other person that sometimes it has to be about you. Just go about your business and put yourself first. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. That's what I'm doing...
  • sam363
    sam363 Posts: 204 Member
    Some days I don't get a ton of support either. My husband and I have come to an agreement about dieting - being oblivious is bliss. I do not clue him into the fact that I just made a healthy meal that has few calories in it. I simply make it and ask him if he likes it and will eat it again. Regarding the gym or working out. I just tell him when I'll be back, I'm going for a run. I also have told him that if he wants me to be around and have the best attitude then I need him to be supportive. So little comments about why counting calories etc doesn't work isn't acceptable. So, I guess the bigger question is are you going to be ok if he doesn't say anything at all? Or are your expectations that he will want to chat with you on the subject everyday? Find what works for the two of you. That might mean having a close friend that can relate to your situation. Good luck, I'm sure you will work it out.
  • laurasnyder411
    laurasnyder411 Posts: 172 Member
    I'm really sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. I know from experience how much harder it is to commit to exercise and diet changes when you don't have support. My boyfriend and I live together and about 3 times a week he orders out food. One night at work he sent me a sandwich. While nice on the outside I have to wonder what his motives are...hmm..

    There is also the constant fight about me going to the gym. He never wants to watch the baby so I can go...lately I've been getting up at 6am to workout before anyone wakes up just to avoid the argument. He accuses me of hitting on guys at the gym blah blah. Truth of the matter is, he's scared. I'm trying to make a change and he's not. He doesn't know where he stands and is afraid of me leaving him. He's just insecure.

    But here's the thing. I'm doing this for me. I deserve it. And I won't let him tell me or guilt me into thinking I should spend less time on myself. I gave my body to my daughter for nearly 2 years, now it's time to reclaim myself. Body and mind!

    I hope that if you find a way to reassure your husband and possibly include him then he will feel less threatened by your endeavors. Sometimes our guys just don't handle change well!
  • pougy
    pougy Posts: 9
    Sometimes if we are the kind of women that through our whole married life talk about "this new diet" or "this new program" or we complain about our body stature and we've been on a gazillion diets and have fallen off the wagon, our partners get annoyed with us when we are all excited about our new life style plan. It's like, "here we go again".

    Whenever we make big life style changes, it not only effects us but those closest to us. Remember that all of our emotional roller coasters and uphill battles effects others we love. Sometimes not in a positive way. Suddenly their favorite snack is missing from the pantry. Or worse, they are downstairs eating a double cheeseburger with the kids and your choking down celery sticks in the bedroom. Anyway, keep your head up knowing tomorrow starts a new day.

    And in your lowest times, remember Mr. Chip and Mrs. Brownie are not really your friends.:wink:
  • sam363
    sam363 Posts: 204 Member
    I have the same problem. Zero support, and I've taken on a completely new diet change, but I am still expected to cook for him and the family, even though I can't eat anything that I cook for them. I asked him for help with meal prep for the family because I am exhausted with my 800 calorie a day detox diet and 4 days a week workout schedule, and now he hasn't spoken to me for 5 days. I agree with the other person that sometimes it has to be about you. Just go about your business and put yourself first. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. That's what I'm doing...

    I am so sorry that you are fighting about this! While it is not ok for him to act like this I'm tempted to play devil's advocate. Did you discuss your needs with him and the want to change your lifestyle? Have you said something that offended him without knowing it? Is he feeling overwhelmed by your need to change? People in general do not deal with change especially when it is not their choice. While I think that you should put yourself first and make time to be the best you, I also think that your partner might be feeling insecure about all the change and possibly upset that now your 4 days/week work out schedule has now altered his norm. Is there a way to compromise? Example, while you work out, he prepares dinner then after dinner he does his thing while you clean up? Or does he want to join in on your workout? Best of luck!
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,423 Member
    Don't talk about it, just do it. Don't tell him you are cooking something "healthy" for dinner. Just say "I found a new recipe to try out, see if you like it". Keep with your routine of going to the gym, he will get used to it if you stick to it.
    Come here for support if you aren't getting it at home. And whatever you do, don't try to convince him to do what you are doing!
  • CatchMom11
    CatchMom11 Posts: 462 Member
    How is he making you feel guilty?

    The only reason why I ask is because I had the similar problem with my husband until I explained it to him. He would make me feel guilty about eating certain things saying "that's not in your diet". Eventually I had to spell it out for him. I'm not dieting. I'm changing my relationship with food period. If I want something, I eat it. I may have to earn the calories, but if it's something that I really want, then that's exactly what I do. I'm teaching myself that I don't have to necessarily restrict myself, but that I have balance it all out by the end of the day.

    He would also make me feel guilty about me limiting the amount of junk food in the house. So I flipped the switch on him and made him realize that we weren't doing our children any favors by keeping all this "crap" in our cupboards.

    I realized that he wasn't doing this intentionally, but it still bothered me nonetheless.

    Maybe try it with your hubby.
  • CatchMom11
    CatchMom11 Posts: 462 Member
    I have the same problem. Zero support, and I've taken on a completely new diet change, but I am still expected to cook for him and the family, even though I can't eat anything that I cook for them. I asked him for help with meal prep for the family because I am exhausted with my 800 calorie a day detox diet and 4 days a week workout schedule, and now he hasn't spoken to me for 5 days. I agree with the other person that sometimes it has to be about you. Just go about your business and put yourself first. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. That's what I'm doing...

    Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that. I do most of the cooking in our house as well. Rather than making two meals, I just starting cooking healthy for everyone. If they didn't like it, then I leave it up to my husband to take care of it. Believe it or not, most of the meals that I've turned "healthy", they enjoy.

    So if he expects you to cook, cook it your way. If he doesn't like it, tough ****... he can order pizza. That's my motto!
This discussion has been closed.

Categories