How do you deal with people who bullied or shamed you when you were fat.

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  • fatcity66
    fatcity66 Posts: 1,544 Member
    redoakcircus wrote: »
    Why do you need to deal with him? It's ok for your spouse to go to his father's house by himself.

    ^^THIS. OP, you're allowed to cut anyone out of your life, including family. If it's not a healthy relationship, you shouldn't continue to associate with them, just as you wouldn't continue to see an abusive partner.
  • dolliesdaughter
    dolliesdaughter Posts: 544 Member
    edited March 2015
    1st, the kids can go see their grandfather with your spouse\their father. You do not have to go unless you don't trust your husband with the kids.

    2nd Just give an off the wall response that has nothing to do with what he said.
    FIL "You are looking awfully fat today."
    You: "Yeah, the roses are really red outside."
    FIL: ?!?!?!?! (Looking like the @$$ he is)

    Quit playing the game, you are an adult.
  • mountain01
    mountain01 Posts: 65 Member
    They need to f themselves. So tired of peoples criticism of others and people using other people to make them happy, and then when they are happy they throw you under the bus. Life is too short my friend.
  • Hvngfaith88
    Hvngfaith88 Posts: 147 Member
    my parents told me after I gained weight that I was fat, ugly and unloveable and that no one would be able to love to me... this caused me to eat more... I have chosen not to see my parents in 3 years and have cut them off. I am now ready to lose the weight
  • NewMeSM75
    NewMeSM75 Posts: 971 Member
    edited April 2015
    My kids came home after visiting with their dad and his girlfriend. They told me how his girlfriend was making remarks about my kid's weights. My son is heavy but my daughter is not. Nonetheless, it did not set well with me for her to make any kind of remark about my children. So...... I told them. Don't be ugly or insult her. Then I told them - Kid's next time all of you sit down to eat. Look over at her and say, "Are you going to eat all of that? You've gained some weight lately.." :D

    They did as I said. She pushed her plate and stormed off all pissy! Haaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

    Score!!!! They said, "Mama you were right. She got mad and even her daughter's friend said yeah you have gained some".

    Hahahahahahaha..

    I would beat them at their own game but tactfully!
  • MisterZ33
    MisterZ33 Posts: 567 Member
    edited April 2015
    i was bullied by just 1 person in middle school for being fat. i hated the guy. i would fantasize about beating the snot out of him or shoving him down the stairs. if i wanted, i could have done some serious physical damage to the guy...i couldnt avoid him either as were were in the same classes and lived in the same neighbourhood.

    then a few years later in high school, out of the blue, he came to me and apologized for being such an a-hole. he atributed his behaviour to immaturity and that his mockery of me were ill attempts at being funny. he told me he sincerely regretted the trouble he caused me. I asked him why he had this change of heart and he told me it was because people were making fun of him because of his big eye balls (they teased him by calling him "froggy"). he told me that it really hurt him when people made fun f him so he can only expect that i felt the same way wwhen he bullied me. for grade 10, it was very profound reasoning.

    It was really big of him to own up to his mistake, and i forgave him. he never bothered me again and in fact, we became friends. To be honest, the moment i realized his apolgy was sincere, i never thought about the hard time he put me through. he really was sorry and i really needed to let go.

    im thankful that we were both able to get past it.

    i know not all bullying stories end this way, but this is my story and i hope there are others out there like my friend who can realize their wrong ways early in their lives.
  • wrenegade64
    wrenegade64 Posts: 410 Member
    jenncornelsen wrote: »
    maybe ask your husband to speak to him?? or... don't go. there's no way u could make me go to someone's house who put me down all the time. i think my husband would understand why i didn't want this person in my life. i feel for u though i really do. it's not easy to cut someone out. i had an uncle like that. 'had' being the key word. haven't seen him in 10 years. no loss

    I agree. If there is anybody for sure that should be your most relivant aly, it should be your spouse. It takes time to shake off the chains of shamers, but it can be done. Give it time and in the meantime, relish in your accomplishments and keep on truckin. U GOT THIS!!!
  • ear1011
    ear1011 Posts: 50 Member
    I have a sister who acts like she is better than me because she is skinny!! Another member reminded me it's more of a problem with herself than me which is true... She said to me the other day "I don't like the way I look when I am 140lbs or more" I work like a dog to stay under 149!! I think acknowledging you are not the one with the problem and that they are was helpful for me. Also what everyone else says, stay away don't go if you can!! Avoid toxic people who bring you down. I'm sure there are plenty of people who love u and don't judge you and make you feel like garbage. I just canceled dinner plans with her because I don't want to watch her eat lettuce and be judged when I eat an actual healthy meal. I made plans with people who love me and accept I am trying to be healthy but still eat.
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,371 Member
    You don't have to deal with the father in law, but your husband should have taken him aside a long time ago and told him him that his comments are not acceptable.
  • taymam
    taymam Posts: 55 Member
    Thanks for all your thoughts. I have been avoiding those few family members for a while. Warded off another one by asking him what his problem was. I'm actually looking forward to seeing my FIL, because almost every time I see him he says he hates gay/fat/ugly people. Next time that comes out of his mouth I'm just going to say "well you must really hate yourself then" done being nice.
  • LAMCDylan
    LAMCDylan Posts: 1,218 Member
    This is really hard and something I can relate to. Some people I don't plan on seeing ever again. I just have the strong belief that others don't define me. As a person you have to define your worth and value and you have to develop a type of strength where you have to ignore the comments from others. Sooner or later people will have to accept the person you are.
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