Afriad of following the footsteps!!

My mother had me at a young age. She came from a broken home, was in a bad relationship, didn't even graduate high school. She has worked incredibly hard. She became a single mom when I was 6. Through everything bad in her life, she kept fighting. fighting to better everything about her life, and mine and my brothers as well. When I was 9, she married my stepdad, who has been the most amazing, wonderful father I could ever dreamed of having. And then, my hardworking mother gained so much weight she was over 300lbs. I honestly don't know what she went through. Maybe it was "happy weight" that so many of us get when we are finally in a good healthy relationship. I do know her health played a factor, my mother has PCOS which lead to hormone issues which i'm sure contributed to her weight gain. My mother tried all kinds of diets before finally having gastric bypass surgery. My mother did not have any side effects or complications from the surgery, luckily. Now, 10 years later, my mother is skinny, 130 lbs, loving the way she looks. and I hate it. I hate it because at 180 lbs and 4 inches shorter than my mother, I am alot bigger. I hate it because my mother is so afraid that I will follow in her footsteps that she constantly has something to say about what I'm eating or if i've lost weight, so our relationship is strained. and i hate it because I'm terrified of following in her footsteps. Almost 2 years ago, my loving sweetie and I started seriously dating. and I put on my "happy weight"...40 lbs of it. And I have my own health issues, like my mother I have PCOS. I have all kinds of sports related injuries that make it hard to work out. Seeing the scale at 190 this past Christmas was my wake up call. I looked horrible in pictures from Christmas. I started dieting and exercising in January and lost 10 lbs! I felt so great that I stopped....and now that it's May, I'm trying to get back on track. Gyms are too expensive where I live in the middle of no where, they are all 40-50$ a month. It's definitely a challenge. I try to eat healthy but I end up eating things that aren't on my diet. I'm not even really sure that I know what I'm doing. I'm sorry for my annoying long depressed rant but I'm just lacking motivation. I dont' have anyone that I can really be honest with and have them tell me "why did you eat that, its not on ur diet" "why didn't u work out" I need someone to tell me no more excuses!!