So much woo in one place!
Nony_Mouse
Posts: 5,646 Member
This article popped up on my FB newsfeed as one of those 'you may also like...' things:
hiit-blog.dailyhiit.com/hiit-diet/diet-tips/10-diet-mistakes-seriously-slowing-metablolism/
Apparently pesticides make you fat, and all that tea I've drunk today is doing a serious boost on my metabolism.
*rollseyes*
hiit-blog.dailyhiit.com/hiit-diet/diet-tips/10-diet-mistakes-seriously-slowing-metablolism/
Apparently pesticides make you fat, and all that tea I've drunk today is doing a serious boost on my metabolism.
*rollseyes*
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Replies
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LOL kickstart, white carbs, oh my ….
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A few of them are right. Such as some people need more fiber, protein, and vitamin D in their diets. I lol'ed at the water though.
DAMN WATER IS MAKING ME FAT.0 -
techgal128 wrote: »A few of them are right. Such as some people need more fiber, protein, and vitamin D in their diets. I lol'ed at the water though.
DAMN WATER IS MAKING ME FAT.
Oh yeah, there are some sprinklings of truth in there, but it's like they took those and ran in some completely random direction with them. Like with the fibre. Yes, adequate fibre is good, it helps you to feel full, and keeps you regular, but raising your metabolism by 30%??
And is the extra 70 cals in my lunch going straight to my hips, or does the metabolism boost from the tea make it okay? Or, am I totally screwed because I halted my metabolism by not having breakfast?0 -
You must counteract with lemon.techgal128 wrote: »A few of them are right. Such as some people need more fiber, protein, and vitamin D in their diets. I lol'ed at the water though.
DAMN WATER IS MAKING ME FAT.
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You must counteract with lemon.techgal128 wrote: »A few of them are right. Such as some people need more fiber, protein, and vitamin D in their diets. I lol'ed at the water though.
DAMN WATER IS MAKING ME FAT.
Heh I'm actually surprised that wasn't in there!
Also, 'brewed tea'. Is there some other way to make tea that doesn't involve brewing it??0 -
Well, that's true, but not in the way they're implying.When you eat less than you need for basic biological functioning ... your body halts your metabolism.
They're trying to tell people that if you eat less than you need _right_ _now_, your metabolism shuts down.
That's wrong.
When your metabolism shuts down, you die.
If you miss a meal, you don't die (immediately).
Miss enough meals and of course you will.
.If you were to drink the equivalent of 2 martinis, you can slow your body’s fat burning ability by 73%.
Vert da ferk?
I doubt it slows anywhere near that much, and I doubt the slowdown lasts very long. (No time limit is mentioned.)0 -
Well, that's true, but not in the way they're implying.When you eat less than you need for basic biological functioning ... your body halts your metabolism.
They're trying to tell people that if you eat less than you need _right_ _now_, your metabolism shuts down.
That's wrong.
When your metabolism shuts down, you die.
If you miss a meal, you don't die (immediately).
Miss enough meals and of course you will.
.If you were to drink the equivalent of 2 martinis, you can slow your body’s fat burning ability by 73%. Vert da ferk?
I doubt it slows anywhere near that much, and I doubt the slowdown lasts very long. (No time limit is mentioned.)
Yeah, that's the problem, they've taken facts and twisted them into crazy. Except the pesticide thing, that's just straight up woo.0 -
Nony_Mouse wrote: »
You must counteract with lemon.techgal128 wrote: »A few of them are right. Such as some people need more fiber, protein, and vitamin D in their diets. I lol'ed at the water though.
DAMN WATER IS MAKING ME FAT.
Heh I'm actually surprised that wasn't in there!
Also, 'brewed tea'. Is there some other way to make tea that doesn't involve brewing it??
Sadly, there is granulated powdered mix, which may or may include some actual tea-derived product. There are restaurants that serve that for iced tea (I've never seen one try to do it for hot tea, although I suppose it's theoretically possible).0 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »Nony_Mouse wrote: »
You must counteract with lemon.techgal128 wrote: »A few of them are right. Such as some people need more fiber, protein, and vitamin D in their diets. I lol'ed at the water though.
DAMN WATER IS MAKING ME FAT.
Heh I'm actually surprised that wasn't in there!
Also, 'brewed tea'. Is there some other way to make tea that doesn't involve brewing it??
Sadly, there is granulated powdered mix, which may or may include some actual tea-derived product. There are restaurants that serve that for iced tea (I've never seen one try to do it for hot tea, although I suppose it's theoretically possible).
This makes me sad
. But then I also think powdered (instant) coffee is an abomination. 0 -
Don't knock Lipton powdered iced tea mix, man. I love it because it boosts my metabolism by up to 40000% my grandmother got me hooked on it as a child. It's excellent if you mix it right, ice it down until it practically frosts over, and splash in some lemon.
Um, I mean, on the topic of this post I have nothing to say because I'm too busy eating white carbs and skipping breakfast.0 -
I'd like to invent a browser add-on that lets me deliver sucker punches to any article writer using the phrase "boost your metabolism" or variations thereof.0
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I'd like to invent a browser add-on that lets me deliver sucker punches to any article writer using the phrase "boost your metabolism" or variations thereof.
I will definitely sign on for that!
So according to the article, today I have managed to:
Halt my metabolism by not eating breakfast (you are all invited to my funeral)
Yet also increased my metabolism by 63% with coffee (three cups) and tea (four cups) (the article isn't remotely clear on whether the % is cumulative, so I'm just going to assume it is)
Eat over the magical 400 cals for both lunch and dinner (presumably that's gone straight on my butt)
Do something wrong by eating a white bagel
Boost my metabolism another 30% by eating 25g of fibre
Burn an extra 20 or so cals with icy cold water
Boosted my metabolism even more by having protein with both meals
Vit D from sunlight - check, no alcohol - check, calcium from the milk in all that tea and coffee - check
Either I'm going to be skinny in no time or my 'fails' cancelled out all the metabolism revving.0 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »Nony_Mouse wrote: »
You must counteract with lemon.techgal128 wrote: »A few of them are right. Such as some people need more fiber, protein, and vitamin D in their diets. I lol'ed at the water though.
DAMN WATER IS MAKING ME FAT.
Heh I'm actually surprised that wasn't in there!
Also, 'brewed tea'. Is there some other way to make tea that doesn't involve brewing it??
Sadly, there is granulated powdered mix, which may or may include some actual tea-derived product. There are restaurants that serve that for iced tea (I've never seen one try to do it for hot tea, although I suppose it's theoretically possible).
You ever notice how much that stuff foams when you make it?! Makes me wonder why!0 -
I couldn't get past the first picture. What on earth is that girl wearing? And are we to believe that if we do what the article says that we will look like her? Where do breast implants come into play on her list of dos and don'ts? (just an assumption on my part, but I'd be surprised if I was wrong)0
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Nony_Mouse wrote: »I'd like to invent a browser add-on that lets me deliver sucker punches to any article writer using the phrase "boost your metabolism" or variations thereof.
I will definitely sign on for that!
So according to the article, today I have managed to:
Halt my metabolism by not eating breakfast (you are all invited to my funeral)
Yet also increased my metabolism by 63% with coffee (three cups) and tea (four cups) (the article isn't remotely clear on whether the % is cumulative, so I'm just going to assume it is)
Eat over the magical 400 cals for both lunch and dinner (presumably that's gone straight on my butt)
Do something wrong by eating a white bagel
Boost my metabolism another 30% by eating 25g of fibre
Burn an extra 20 or so cals with icy cold water
Boosted my metabolism even more by having protein with both meals
Vit D from sunlight - check, no alcohol - check, calcium from the milk in all that tea and coffee - check
Either I'm going to be skinny in no time or my 'fails' cancelled out all the metabolism revving.
you are already dead...0 -
Well, that's true, but not in the way they're implying.When you eat less than you need for basic biological functioning ... your body halts your metabolism.
They're trying to tell people that if you eat less than you need _right_ _now_, your metabolism shuts down.
That's wrong.
When your metabolism shuts down, you die.
If you miss a meal, you don't die (immediately).
Miss enough meals and of course you will.
.If you were to drink the equivalent of 2 martinis, you can slow your body’s fat burning ability by 73%. Vert da ferk?
I doubt it slows anywhere near that much, and I doubt the slowdown lasts very long. (No time limit is mentioned.)
Sort of true. When you drink alcohol, your body prioritizes it to be metabolized first. As soon as that is taken care of, it goes back to whatever you have eaten.
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so fakebook=woo (whatever that may be).
fascinating.0 -
Nony_Mouse wrote: »I'd like to invent a browser add-on that lets me deliver sucker punches to any article writer using the phrase "boost your metabolism" or variations thereof.
I will definitely sign on for that!
So according to the article, today I have managed to:
Halt my metabolism by not eating breakfast (you are all invited to my funeral)
Yet also increased my metabolism by 63% with coffee (three cups) and tea (four cups) (the article isn't remotely clear on whether the % is cumulative, so I'm just going to assume it is)
Eat over the magical 400 cals for both lunch and dinner (presumably that's gone straight on my butt)
Do something wrong by eating a white bagel
Boost my metabolism another 30% by eating 25g of fibre
Burn an extra 20 or so cals with icy cold water
Boosted my metabolism even more by having protein with both meals
Vit D from sunlight - check, no alcohol - check, calcium from the milk in all that tea and coffee - check
Either I'm going to be skinny in no time or my 'fails' cancelled out all the metabolism revving.
you are already dead...
RIP0 -
Nony_Mouse wrote: »I'd like to invent a browser add-on that lets me deliver sucker punches to any article writer using the phrase "boost your metabolism" or variations thereof.
I will definitely sign on for that!
So according to the article, today I have managed to:
Halt my metabolism by not eating breakfast (you are all invited to my funeral)
Yet also increased my metabolism by 63% with coffee (three cups) and tea (four cups) (the article isn't remotely clear on whether the % is cumulative, so I'm just going to assume it is)
Eat over the magical 400 cals for both lunch and dinner (presumably that's gone straight on my butt)
Do something wrong by eating a white bagel
Boost my metabolism another 30% by eating 25g of fibre
Burn an extra 20 or so cals with icy cold water
Boosted my metabolism even more by having protein with both meals
Vit D from sunlight - check, no alcohol - check, calcium from the milk in all that tea and coffee - check
Either I'm going to be skinny in no time or my 'fails' cancelled out all the metabolism revving.
you are already dead...
Yeah, but I'm thin, right??
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Nony_Mouse wrote: »Nony_Mouse wrote: »I'd like to invent a browser add-on that lets me deliver sucker punches to any article writer using the phrase "boost your metabolism" or variations thereof.
I will definitely sign on for that!
So according to the article, today I have managed to:
Halt my metabolism by not eating breakfast (you are all invited to my funeral)
Yet also increased my metabolism by 63% with coffee (three cups) and tea (four cups) (the article isn't remotely clear on whether the % is cumulative, so I'm just going to assume it is)
Eat over the magical 400 cals for both lunch and dinner (presumably that's gone straight on my butt)
Do something wrong by eating a white bagel
Boost my metabolism another 30% by eating 25g of fibre
Burn an extra 20 or so cals with icy cold water
Boosted my metabolism even more by having protein with both meals
Vit D from sunlight - check, no alcohol - check, calcium from the milk in all that tea and coffee - check
Either I'm going to be skinny in no time or my 'fails' cancelled out all the metabolism revving.
you are already dead...
Yeah, but I'm thin, right??
It doesn't matter what you do with your life as long as you leave a sexy corpse.0 -
techgal128 wrote: »Nony_Mouse wrote: »Nony_Mouse wrote: »I'd like to invent a browser add-on that lets me deliver sucker punches to any article writer using the phrase "boost your metabolism" or variations thereof.
I will definitely sign on for that!
So according to the article, today I have managed to:
Halt my metabolism by not eating breakfast (you are all invited to my funeral)
Yet also increased my metabolism by 63% with coffee (three cups) and tea (four cups) (the article isn't remotely clear on whether the % is cumulative, so I'm just going to assume it is)
Eat over the magical 400 cals for both lunch and dinner (presumably that's gone straight on my butt)
Do something wrong by eating a white bagel
Boost my metabolism another 30% by eating 25g of fibre
Burn an extra 20 or so cals with icy cold water
Boosted my metabolism even more by having protein with both meals
Vit D from sunlight - check, no alcohol - check, calcium from the milk in all that tea and coffee - check
Either I'm going to be skinny in no time or my 'fails' cancelled out all the metabolism revving.
you are already dead...
Yeah, but I'm thin, right??
It doesn't matter what you do with your life as long as you leave a sexy corpse.
Gotta look good for the zombie apocalypse!!0 -
I just saw this gem. According to it, I'm good on tea, water, fiber, and dairy, but I'm killing my metabolism by not eating until noon and not eating 400 calories a meal. I can't decide whether I should be thin and my fat is just an illusion or I should be dead.
I also can't figure out what I should be kickstarting each day. Am I dead before my tea? It feels that way sometimes. Does this mean that my fasted workouts have no effect?0 -
mamapeach910 wrote: »I just saw this gem. According to it, I'm good on tea, water, fiber, and dairy, but I'm killing my metabolism by not eating until noon and not eating 400 calories a meal. I can't decide whether I should be thin and my fat is just an illusion or I should be dead.
I also can't figure out what I should be kickstarting each day. Am I dead before my tea? It feels that way sometimes. Does this mean that my fasted workouts have no effect?
Apparently we killed ourselves by not eating breakfast and therefore halting our metabolisms, therefore the rest is moot. I'm pretty sure calories have no effect when you're dead though, so yay!! I can eat whatever I want 
. Maybe I should have some margaritas first to help with that (yes, I am reading the hilarious 'diet mistakes thread currently).
Also, anyone get the feeling that if they could have gotten away with adding smoking as a metabolism booster they would have?0 -
You must counteract with lemon.techgal128 wrote: »A few of them are right. Such as some people need more fiber, protein, and vitamin D in their diets. I lol'ed at the water though.
DAMN WATER IS MAKING ME FAT.
Don't forget the honey and cayenne!0 -
Nony_Mouse wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »I just saw this gem. According to it, I'm good on tea, water, fiber, and dairy, but I'm killing my metabolism by not eating until noon and not eating 400 calories a meal. I can't decide whether I should be thin and my fat is just an illusion or I should be dead.
I also can't figure out what I should be kickstarting each day. Am I dead before my tea? It feels that way sometimes. Does this mean that my fasted workouts have no effect?
Apparently we killed ourselves by not eating breakfast and therefore halting our metabolisms, therefore the rest is moot. I'm pretty sure calories have no effect when you're dead though, so yay!! I can eat whatever I want . Maybe I should have some margaritas first to help with that (yes, I am reading the hilarious 'diet mistakes thread currently).
Also, anyone get the feeling that if they could have gotten away with adding smoking as a metabolism booster they would have?
I was a fat two-pack-a-day smoker. Meh. Didn't work for me! I quite AGES ago, though. There are probably people here on MFP born after I quit smoking.
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mamapeach910 wrote: »Nony_Mouse wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »I just saw this gem. According to it, I'm good on tea, water, fiber, and dairy, but I'm killing my metabolism by not eating until noon and not eating 400 calories a meal. I can't decide whether I should be thin and my fat is just an illusion or I should be dead.
I also can't figure out what I should be kickstarting each day. Am I dead before my tea? It feels that way sometimes. Does this mean that my fasted workouts have no effect?
Apparently we killed ourselves by not eating breakfast and therefore halting our metabolisms, therefore the rest is moot. I'm pretty sure calories have no effect when you're dead though, so yay!! I can eat whatever I want . Maybe I should have some margaritas first to help with that (yes, I am reading the hilarious 'diet mistakes thread currently).
Also, anyone get the feeling that if they could have gotten away with adding smoking as a metabolism booster they would have?
I was a fat two-pack-a-day smoker. Meh. Didn't work for me! I quite AGES ago, though. There are probably people here on MFP born after I quit smoking.
Ah, yes, but the myth that it speeds up your metabolism persists!!
I confess to still being a smoker (obvs not because I think it keeps me thin!), BUT I have a quit plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel - once I'm done with initial weight loss I'm planning to do that building muscle thing. So I'm going to quit then and put the extra cals I will inevitably consume to good use
. 0 -
Nony_Mouse wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »Nony_Mouse wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »I just saw this gem. According to it, I'm good on tea, water, fiber, and dairy, but I'm killing my metabolism by not eating until noon and not eating 400 calories a meal. I can't decide whether I should be thin and my fat is just an illusion or I should be dead.
I also can't figure out what I should be kickstarting each day. Am I dead before my tea? It feels that way sometimes. Does this mean that my fasted workouts have no effect?
Apparently we killed ourselves by not eating breakfast and therefore halting our metabolisms, therefore the rest is moot. I'm pretty sure calories have no effect when you're dead though, so yay!! I can eat whatever I want . Maybe I should have some margaritas first to help with that (yes, I am reading the hilarious 'diet mistakes thread currently).
Also, anyone get the feeling that if they could have gotten away with adding smoking as a metabolism booster they would have?
I was a fat two-pack-a-day smoker. Meh. Didn't work for me! I quite AGES ago, though. There are probably people here on MFP born after I quit smoking.
Ah, yes, but the myth that it speeds up your metabolism persists!!
I confess to still being a smoker (obvs not because I think it keeps me thin!), BUT I have a quit plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel - once I'm done with initial weight loss I'm planning to do that building muscle thing. So I'm going to quit then and put the extra cals I will inevitably consume to good use.
That sounds like a great strategy, actually.
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mamapeach910 wrote: »Nony_Mouse wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »Nony_Mouse wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »I just saw this gem. According to it, I'm good on tea, water, fiber, and dairy, but I'm killing my metabolism by not eating until noon and not eating 400 calories a meal. I can't decide whether I should be thin and my fat is just an illusion or I should be dead.
I also can't figure out what I should be kickstarting each day. Am I dead before my tea? It feels that way sometimes. Does this mean that my fasted workouts have no effect?
Apparently we killed ourselves by not eating breakfast and therefore halting our metabolisms, therefore the rest is moot. I'm pretty sure calories have no effect when you're dead though, so yay!! I can eat whatever I want . Maybe I should have some margaritas first to help with that (yes, I am reading the hilarious 'diet mistakes thread currently).
Also, anyone get the feeling that if they could have gotten away with adding smoking as a metabolism booster they would have?
I was a fat two-pack-a-day smoker. Meh. Didn't work for me! I quite AGES ago, though. There are probably people here on MFP born after I quit smoking.
Ah, yes, but the myth that it speeds up your metabolism persists!!
I confess to still being a smoker (obvs not because I think it keeps me thin!), BUT I have a quit plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel - once I'm done with initial weight loss I'm planning to do that building muscle thing. So I'm going to quit then and put the extra cals I will inevitably consume to good use.
That sounds like a great strategy, actually.
I know! I thought it was genius
This reminds me of when I quit a few years ago (obviously didn't stick with it) - I did nicotine patches for the first time. It was shortly after my last round with the lovely ED that lives in my head and I was rake thin (not underweight, but way too thin for me). When I picked up the script from the pharmacy the girl started telling me they work best when you put them somewhere fatty on your body, then looked at me and said 'Oh. Um, maybe try your thigh?'. (this is also around the time I kicked my bathroom scales for going down instead of up, that's an interesting experience!). 0 -
mamapeach910 wrote: »I just saw this gem. According to it, I'm good on tea, water, fiber, and dairy, but I'm killing my metabolism by not eating until noon and not eating 400 calories a meal. I can't decide whether I should be thin and my fat is just an illusion or I should be dead.
I also can't figure out what I should be kickstarting each day. Am I dead before my tea? It feels that way sometimes. Does this mean that my fasted workouts have no effect?
I should have a great metabolism: I eat plenty, drink lots of (too much, sigh) coffee, greatly prefer cold water to room temperature (I also love ice), get tons of protein, plenty of iron (but no fortified cereal, which I understand from the Cheerios thread is super great or something, maybe that's a problem?), I've started taking Vit D (not for metabolism reasons), don't drink, eat tons of dairy (yeah, I know, I'm a chubby baby cow).
Why am I not a fat burning machine?
It has to be the pesticides. Or maybe those white carbs: I have been eating lots of cauliflower, turnips, and celeriac lately!
I would really like to know the source for the kickstarting metaphor. When did people start saying/believing that? It's so odd.0
This discussion has been closed.
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