Overeating, binging, and just plain depressed...

Hi all! I was going through some of the posts and reading problems and advice of others, and thought maybe I ought to give this a try...

I've been on MFP for many, many years. I've had good streaks but typically they are a day or two. I've struggled with my weight for 15 years or so and about 3 years ago I was days away from having gastric bypass surgery and I chickened out. Some days (bad days) I regret not following through, but other days (good days) I remember that this is something I KNOW I can do on my own. Unfortunately, that mindset never seems to last nearly as long as I need it to...

I recently came across a photo from 5 years ago when I had finished a 5k - not just any 5k as I have done many in the past, but the 5k that I ran from START to FINISH! I may have had walkers passing me, but nonetheless, I did it. Huge accomplishment. I was still struggling with my weight, but looking at that photo made me realize how far off the wagon I have come. It's really quite depressing. I knew I was gaining weight but I don't think I really understood how far I have come. I hit a 3 day streak today which is by far, the best I've done on MFP for a year or more. Not only do I binge eat, but I'm also an emotional eater. I've gotten all kinds of advice to beat this problem, and it all sounds great, but in the moment, none of the great advice matters, but rather emotions take over and the rest is history... Unfortunately I also have the attitude of "well, might as well finish what I started..."

What I find MOST difficult right now, is not only the fact that I have become bigger than I EVER was (even larger than I was at the end of 3 different pregnancies) but the fact that I KNOW how much I need to exercise but the lack of energy is making it nearly impossible. I got my butt out yesterday for a 30 minute walk and thought I was going to die!! I didn't get the after workout energy boost that others talk about, but I didn't really expect to considering I haven't moved my toosh for so long!

The last few years have been CRAZY and I've had to seek the doc for help with depression and anxiety. I'm feeling pretty level headed again and really just want to feel better and get back to a place where I feel confident enough to go out with my husband, get back to the gym, go to the park with my beautiful children. I'm so unbelievably self conscious right now, the simple things can cause anxiety for me. It's pretty ridiculous. I want my life back. Bottom line - I want my life back.

I guess at this point, I'm looking for any advice/ideas others may have that have possibly dealt with this, or overcome similar obstacles.

Geesh...seems I needed to "vent"! I apologize for the long windedness... I'm going to hit "post" now before I chicken out. :)

Replies

  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,465 Member
    It's tough. It is very hard to keep going if there's not a lot of confidence that the days and months of effort will pay off. I had bariatric surgery this past June to give myself the best chance at success. To be clear, I'm not advocating that my choice is your best option.

    I think I understand the mass of feelings you are going through. Having come through the other side, I blogged about this perception of effort, "Before and After".

    Might you set some short and long term targets (I prefer fitness and habit changes rather than weight goals), and get yourself an accountability partner? Pick your partner well; family and friends might not be the best choice!
  • Susieq_1994
    Susieq_1994 Posts: 5,361 Member
    I know how you feel! I've been having a really bad run lately and I'm not entirely sure how to break it. I gained around 14 pounds over a vacation, and 10 of them were "real" pounds--And I can't seem to get rid of those, because I keep blowing my calories out of the water!

    I also suffer from anxiety and depression. Losing weight did help a little, because now I can always feel like I'm "invisible" in public and nobody will notice me. :)

    I don't have any advice, other than to do what I've been doing: Jump right into it and try to slog through, it gets easier once you've built up some momentum! Building the momentum is a huge pain, though; that's why it's so hard to get past the first few days. :)

    I just wanted you to know that you're not alone! All the best. :)
  • JojoInTheForks
    JojoInTheForks Posts: 134 Member
    Good for you for reaching out. I empathize with your situation so much. We all know we have to eat less and move more...but it's never quite as easy as it sounds. I've been here for awhile, too, and have been committed, not committed, over and over again. I just couldn't get energized for work outs or anything. It seemed too daunting to do much but get supper on the table, dishes washed and geared up for the following day. People may be mean and tell you it's your choice not to move...and I guess it was my choice not to move, too, but I was just so dang tired! About four weeks ago I landed in the hospital with kidney stones. Very painful little buggers! BUT, while I was in, during routine bloodwork, it was discovered that I was very anemic. All of a sudden it explained why I was so exhausted even when trying to eat better & exercise more. I'm now on a new plan to get back on track but at least I know what I'm dealing with. Not diagnosing anything in you, of course, but just suggesting maybe a doctor's visit might not be a bad idea! And please, just know, that you deserve to be healthy and happier...and we all can help keep you inspired, if you'll let us. Cheers.
  • bigorangemichael
    bigorangemichael Posts: 27 Member
    Just getting off the couch to do something is a good first step -- no matter what it is. And don't be discouraged by your first attempt.

    I consider myself an active person. Two years ago, I stumbled across the cat in the night, landed on my big toe wrong and broke it. I was forced to go from fairly active and training for a half marathon (I was less than two weeks out!) to doing next to nothing because I couldn't put weight on my toe. Unfortunately, I took to eating my depression at this and gained some weight. I also lost my fitness level, which was pretty good.

    Fast forward a couple of months when I could finally get back into the pool and start swimming laps again. My first day I was so excited and ready to go I felt sure I'd pick up where I'd left off and swim a mile or two, no problem. I did three laps and felt worse than I did after a half marathon. It took me a long time to get back into shape and I'm still working off the weight I gained during my enforced down time.

    I say all this in the hopes that you will see we all have struggles. But don't give up. People who tell you that they don't ever get frustrated with the dieting and exercise are probably not being honest with you or themselves. I've got frustrations but the thing I've found that works is to take a page from Galaxy Quest and "Never give up, never surrender."
  • Degucat
    Degucat Posts: 12 Member
    You KNOW what's wrong and what you wanna do,that's a huge step already. I was at the same stage as you just 4 weeks ago. I've actually been to see my doctor this morning and I was put back on anxiety meds after a 6 month break... not ideal but as you said I need my life back. Anyway, I walked to the surgery in town - a few months ago it'd have taken me at least 30min as it's uphill and my asthma and I'm sooooo fat and blah blah blah. I've done in FIFTEEN minutes. 15 minutes, walking fast, didn't get out of breath or anything, I even checked the church clock and my phone as I thought my watch had stopped!!!! I've been on a low GI diet (my OH is diabetic so it's easier for both) for FOUR weeks, I can't say I'm a bundle of energy, but I'm miles better than the sloth on sleeping pills I was just A MONTH ago, I can't stress this enough, it's such a big difference in a very short time. You get tired after 30min? Go for a 10min walk instead, increase the pace every couple of days and before you know it you'll be out for an hour, I'm sure your kids will help and enjoy playing "guess how far we walked today?". You'll get runners high eventually I promise, you've done it before so you know how it goes, try just for a moment to remember those days and how you felt. Oh yeah and I walked there wearing leggings, which I dare not wearing outside the house for what, 10 years? Guess what, I wasn't arrested for crimes against fashion :D Good luck and feel free to rant any time!
  • shan11180
    shan11180 Posts: 110 Member
    You all are so great!!! Thank you so much for the kind words! I was terrified and conscious of the fact that I was airing my dirty laundry on the internet for all to see, so I cannot express how grateful I am to not be faced with haters. :)

    I think you all proved that it's REALLY important for me to remember there is more support on this site than I ever imagined.

    I love the ideas and motivation you've all shared and I truly appreciate it! I know it's a long road, but as you said, I should start to notice a difference fairly quickly and I think it's important to focus on that fact.