friends and how to help them

It is hard to tell someone where they could have done better. But I think part of the support here that is actually helpful is being told the truth. The trick is to find a way to tell someone they can do better without resulting to outright shaming or berating them which could be discouraging. Every situation is different. But most people asking for friends say they want accountability.

If I had a friend who was consistently going over and making light of it I would probably loose them. It goes both ways. I want to see other people trying succeeding in order to boost my own resolve to keep going on those tough days. OTOH I also want to be an inspiration for the as well.

I think telling someone they can and should do better tomorrow, in a kind way is more helpful than patting them on the back and telling them that it is okay that they ate that entire bag of chips.

gpstreet wrote: »

I am happy to say I am building up a nice list of friends. Like me they want to lose weight. Sometimes I see they are being 'naughty' with their calorie intake. As an MFP friend is it my duty to reprimand them ? Does it help only having friends who are there to congratulate but not to scold ?

If one of my mfp friends started nagging about my food choices because they thought I was being "naughty" (everyone has different goals so they may not have the same definition of "naughty") they would very quickly be removed from my friend list.

gpstreet wrote: »

I am happy to say I am building up a nice list of friends. Like me they want to lose weight. Sometimes I see they are being 'naughty' with their calorie intake. As an MFP friend is it my duty to reprimand them ? Does it help only having friends who are there to congratulate but not to scold ?

Eww. No. Just....no.

Not your place, not your job. If they ask for advice, or are saying that they're doing everything right (when they're clearly not) and don't understand why they're not losing, then sure. Otherwise....no.

it depends how well you know this friend. I don't know a lot of people who respond well to negative reinforcement. But ask them if they want your opinion. Personally, I would immediately unfriend any MFP friend--or person in real life for that matter--who thought it was appropriate to "scold" me. And anyone who would judge me better make sure their glass house is squeaky clean before throwing that scolding rock.

gpstreet wrote: »

I am happy to say I am building up a nice list of friends. Like me they want to lose weight. Sometimes I see they are being 'naughty' with their calorie intake. As an MFP friend is it my duty to reprimand them ? Does it help only having friends who are there to congratulate but not to scold ?

So much no. I am a grown woman I don't need anyone to scold me over my food choices. Are you also going to interrogate your entire friends list to be sure they are being completely honest and accurate? I mean, what if they're being "naughty" but not logging it?

I wouldn't say anything to people I don't know personally. I have friends here who are real life friends and I would nag them to log/stop eating ice cream/remind them they didn't log that glass of wine they had earlier etc but only because I know them really well. Random people I've spoken to a few times online? Not a chance!

Umm no... Most of us have already had to deal with comments about our weight and health over the years. If someone is here and committed to logging, why add something negative to it? I had two friends comment on my diary in a bad way, and honestly its stuck with me and it really affected me for a month or so. I dont even know why i let it get to me, but it did. And ve been really successful at losing weight at a healthy rate so why someone feels the need to say something ill never know.
I think of mfp's as people to celebrate the good things and milestones with, as well as a resource for questions, motivating, and just in general being there for eachother.

Now if someone happens to complain theyre not losing, AND asks for advice, then maybe say something.

Is your diary perfect? Would you want people commenting on the choices you make? Plus, what may be "good or bad" in your mind might work just great for someone else. Heck, maybe its a planned cheat day even.

But i think its better you chose to ask here before saying anything.

gpstreet wrote: »

I am happy to say I am building up a nice list of friends. Like me they want to lose weight. Sometimes I see they are being 'naughty' with their calorie intake. As an MFP friend is it my duty to reprimand them ? Does it help only having friends who are there to congratulate but not to scold ?

Well, you could ask your friends what they want from you in terms of support.

I would not want someone to tell me I had been naughty and scold me because I decided to go over my calories.
I am an adult and can make the decision on how much to eat or how fast to lose weight. My friends are usually more inspiration for me than a weight loss police force. I see people logging food and exercise and I want to do that too. They have a duty to take care of themselves, not manage me.

If the person on your list is complaining about not being able to lose the way they want and asking for help then you could point out that they go over their calories pretty often and make suggestions for altering their diet- not scolding.