friends and how to help them

its a friend list - not a parent list. If they ask for advice -then be honest. If they ask you to hold them accountable then do. But I would not make unsolicited comments about someone's food intake.

Only if they say something like "I just don't understand why I'm not losing".

Perhaps you should ask your friends, instead of all of MFP. They are best qualified to tell you how much support they are looking for.

I'm not here for support, but I added some friends because they always seemed to know where the most entertaining posts were. Now, MFP doesn't send a notification to their wall when they post, and I can't find the fun threads, anyway.

wishiwasarunner wrote: »

its a friend list - not a parent list. If they ask for advice -then be honest. If they ask you to hold them accountable then do. But I would not make unsolicited comments about someone's food intake.

this behavior right here is why some people close their diaries.

Only comment on a friend's eating if they ask for it or if you want to tell them something they ate looked yummy.

elphie754 wrote: »

gpstreet wrote: »

I am happy to say I am building up a nice list of friends. Like me they want to lose weight. Sometimes I see they are being 'naughty' with their calorie intake. As an MFP friend is it my duty to reprimand them ? Does it help only having friends who are there to congratulate but not to scold ?

If one of my mfp friends started nagging about my food choices because they thought I was being "naughty" (everyone has different goals so they may not have the same definition of "naughty") they would very quickly be removed from my friend list.

Agree - people have very different life situations and goals on here. I did delete a friend after the only 2 comments she ever made were both rather judgmental, one unsolicited and the other just rude. We were at different places though. She was 20 years younger and had lost a lot of weight - though she was still larger than me. She had to be very regimented. I did not have that much to take off and mostly wanted a healthier life - which to me does include eating things that your 11 year old daughter makes with her grandmother - even if you go over. You can make it up later - but you never get that opportunity back again. We were just in different places.

My guess is that each person's friend list is different. I've hidden friends that are annoying.

Naughty...reprimand...scold...

If I was one of the friends on your list...I would wonder! I hope they don't read this thread.

This is one of the reasons why this time around...I don't "do" friends...well that and I am a terrible friend...I just don't have time to go through someone's food diary and make judgment calls. I am too busy trying to figure out my own.

Wow...scold??? Reprimand??? We are adults that can make our own choices. Even if they asked you what you thought about their food intake...what makes you think that you have the right to "scold" or "reprimand"?

I wouldn't say anything to people I don't know personally. I have friends here who are real life friends and I would nag them to log/stop eating ice cream/remind them they didn't log that glass of wine they had earlier etc but only because I know them really well. Random people I've spoken to a few times online? Not a chance!

Umm no... Most of us have already had to deal with comments about our weight and health over the years. If someone is here and committed to logging, why add something negative to it? I had two friends comment on my diary in a bad way, and honestly its stuck with me and it really affected me for a month or so. I dont even know why i let it get to me, but it did. And ve been really successful at losing weight at a healthy rate so why someone feels the need to say something ill never know.
I think of mfp's as people to celebrate the good things and milestones with, as well as a resource for questions, motivating, and just in general being there for eachother.

Now if someone happens to complain theyre not losing, AND asks for advice, then maybe say something.

Is your diary perfect? Would you want people commenting on the choices you make? Plus, what may be "good or bad" in your mind might work just great for someone else. Heck, maybe its a planned cheat day even.

But i think its better you chose to ask here before saying anything.

gpstreet wrote: »

I am happy to say I am building up a nice list of friends. Like me they want to lose weight. Sometimes I see they are being 'naughty' with their calorie intake. As an MFP friend is it my duty to reprimand them ? Does it help only having friends who are there to congratulate but not to scold ?

Well, you could ask your friends what they want from you in terms of support.

I would not want someone to tell me I had been naughty and scold me because I decided to go over my calories.
I am an adult and can make the decision on how much to eat or how fast to lose weight. My friends are usually more inspiration for me than a weight loss police force. I see people logging food and exercise and I want to do that too. They have a duty to take care of themselves, not manage me.

If the person on your list is complaining about not being able to lose the way they want and asking for help then you could point out that they go over their calories pretty often and make suggestions for altering their diet- not scolding.

Unless I specifically said "Here are my problems, please help me stay accountable" or "I am not losing, can someone explain why?" anyone who nosed in my diary and gave me a lecture would be instantly unfriended.

We are adults here.

megomerrett wrote: »

Only if they say something like "I just don't understand why I'm not losing".

Yes wait until some one asks for advice. And even then, never scold, we are too old for that.

I have to bite my lips and tongue sometimes, but no, I would never tell someone that they were overeating. I've stopped looking at people's diaries just for that reason.

I support my friends unconditionally. Unless they say something stupidly full of woo. Then I usually delete them.

Food choices? That's their business. They're adults. I'm not their mommy.

Some people take treat days out of choice. It's none of your business. I'd delete you in a heartbeat over your post in this thread, OP.

I'm just curious as to why you seem to believe your friends are toddlers and not grown men and women. Why do you think it's appropriate to use this kind of patronizing, infantilizing language with regard to adults who are just as capable of making their own decisions as you are?