When your friend doesn't support your weigh loss

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cocoa7777
cocoa7777 Posts: 7 Member
edited May 2015 in Motivation and Support
Lately I've been really struggling with weight loss. I've actually gained about 35 pounds on top of my existing weight issue. Think I've been in a bit of a depression too. Bringing me to 250 my biggest weight that I can remember. I have a friend who is also overweight, & has struggled since she was a child. She's been on a weightloss mission and joined weight watchers. I'm happy for her she's doing great and lost about 80lbs, but she's made some pretty bad comments toward me lately! I'm getting the feeling that she's got this weird competitive thing/ motivated by my weight gain kind of weird stuff! Including saying girls like me, make her happy because I was skinny in high school and then got fat! So I finally have an idea of what it's like to be fat. The last time I went out to lunch with her she was trying to encourage me to eat a really hefty meal, she even asked the waitress if I could order from the dinner menu.. I finally asked her if SHE wanted to order the plate since she seemed so set on suggesting it to me, & she said no I'm on a diet I can't eat things like that! I never even expressed interest in the meal to begin with, It was fricken weird, she knows I'm trying to be on track, it's like she wants me to fail! She seemed annoyed when I ordered a salad! WTF?!? . I'm really uncomfortable, I don't know if I should talk to her about it or move on & avoid her, I can't take this type of behavior right now. Like I said, I'm in a funk.. I don't care about her weight loss or anyone else's, I'm dealing with my own issues & need to resolve and find my inner motivation. I find it weird that someone is finding motivation from my current weight struggle & depression, especially when they're supposed to be a friend. Advice would be much appreciated. Sorry so long!

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  • MonsoonStorm
    MonsoonStorm Posts: 371 Member
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    Doesn't sound much like a friend. I wouldn't be hanging around her tbh
  • fearlessleader104
    fearlessleader104 Posts: 723 Member
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    Do what you need to do to be happy.
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,365 Member
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    It would be beneficial for you right now not to have anything to do with her. She sounds like a fairly toxic friend, and that you can do without.
  • Kalici
    Kalici Posts: 685 Member
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    I've seen other people on these boards claiming they like to feed other people so they can live vicariously through the food they're eating. Your friend told you she has put herself on a restrictive diet where she doesn't allow herself to eat those things. So if I were trying to be extremely generous this could be her reasoning? Or she is being a giant jerk face dummy head. Either way if you want to keep hanging around with her you've got to sit her down and tell her to knock it the hell off. You shouldn't be expected to deal with that type of behavior no matter her reasoning. Good luck!
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    If you really value the friendship, then talk to her. Her behavior is really inappropriate. It may even help her If you call her on our, because she may genuinely not realize what she's doing.
  • Daisy_Bumbleroot
    Daisy_Bumbleroot Posts: 9 Member
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    She sounds like a *kitten* false friend. She is alarmed at your efforts because when you start to lose weight and get happy it means you are succeeding at whatever it is you are trying to do. Possibly in her eyes, that somehow puts *her* in a bad light. While you are failing and being fat, she herself is winning by doing nothing. Hope that makes sense.

    Keep at it, and if she dont like it, shed her along with the pounds.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
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    I would tell her "I am an adult and I make my own choices. So no thanks." If she doesn't get that.... buh bye! I've had some flack for losing weight too. I ran out of flying flips to give about people who are a negative presence in my life.
  • spyro88
    spyro88 Posts: 472 Member
    edited May 2015
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    What everyone else has said.... she doesn't sound like a very good friend.... friends support each other positively, they are not judgmental and don't put each other down like that. So what if you ordered salad or a big plate of fries? It's not her place to judge you and especially not to get a kick out of your struggle!

    If it were me I would be having a heart to heart talk with her, and if that didn't work I'd be distancing myself. You don't need that negativity. It could be easier said than done though depending on how close you are.
  • Whitezombiegirl
    Whitezombiegirl Posts: 1,042 Member
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    She's got low self-esteem. She can only see herself in a postive light in comparrison to others. I have met this several times with 'freinds' in my life- with various different things (whatever thier complex is focused on)

    In her case she can only see her weight loss positively (and feel good about herself) if she feels she is doing better than her object of her comparrison (i.e you). In her mind, if you were to lose weight, it would take away from her acheivement-so she needs to prevent that from happening.

    It's toxic behavior that stems from low self-esteem- the best thing you can do is to ignore her behaviour completly and don't fuel the comparrison by talking about diets or weight loss at all. If you do lose weight - just do it without mentioning it. Its sad really , but don't let her bring you down.
  • Larissa_NY
    Larissa_NY Posts: 495 Member
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    Wow, she's awful. I mean, I hate to say that, but it's true. Do you really want to be friends with someone who not only is still mad at you for your body shape in high school, but is actually gloating about your weight issues now because she can't get over the fact that you were a size zero at the age of 16 or whatever?

    If you want to stay friends with her, time for a come-to-Jesus talk about how "friendship" is not actually the same emotion as "schadenfreude and maliciousness," and she needs to figure out which one it is she's feeling and act accordingly.
  • Chewitz
    Chewitz Posts: 217 Member
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    Seems toxic your friend
  • SWeETCaRoLiNe115
    SWeETCaRoLiNe115 Posts: 41 Member
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    She is not a true friend,,why didn't she ask you to join weight watchers with her, I tell you why, she doesn't want you to achieved your goals, ,she is toxic, get rid of her ,I will support you, add me to your friend list
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
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    Why not just talk to her about how her comments make you feel?
  • tesha_chandler
    tesha_chandler Posts: 378 Member
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    It does honestly sound like she wants you to fail. Sounds like maybe she is enjoying losing weight while you struggle. Life is too short for crappy people to be in your circle. ;)
  • barbecuesauce
    barbecuesauce Posts: 1,771 Member
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    I had a similar experience when I began losing weight. The thing was, that wasn't the only way my "friend" was weirdly competitive. I have a more advanced degree than her and made less money and that gave her joy. Such ugliness does not exist in a bubble. It took me tackling my weight to realize how toxic the whole friendship was.

    I would think about whether your friend has other weird jealousy issues. And then decide whether she's even worth discussing this with or if you should just let the relationship wither.
  • Dragn77
    Dragn77 Posts: 810 Member
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    Honestly, it sounds like she is projecting her own issues and struggles with weight loss onto you. She may not (and Im thinking...really is not) doing it on purpose. The lunch issue sounds a lot to me, like she is trying to live vicariously through you since she wont allow herself to have the things she wants, to get some amount of satisfaction from you doing it for her. And that you would not, is where her annoyance comes from.

    Really, I dont think this has anything to do with you and your journey at all, but is all within her, what shes struggling with, and looking to you to provide that outlet...be it eating the foods she wants for herself, and also the body image issues that shes projecting onto you as well. Those problems are *hers* but unfortunately, its causing you problems as well...with yourself and definitely on the friendship.

    I agree with talking to her about it. She probably does not realize what shes doing, or hey, maybe she does. Calling her out on it, being blunt and straight forward will make her mindful of a) what she is doing and b) that you arent going to put up with it. And if that doesnt work, then yeah...distance yourself, because what you need is positive support, not someone trying to drag you down to make themselves feel better. Not worth it.

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