Just when you think you are doing well....

IamUndrCnstruction
IamUndrCnstruction Posts: 691 Member
edited November 17 in Motivation and Support
You see a picture of yourself at a party, next to a bunch of other people. You go "wow, I am really fat". The day before you may have been thinking how proud you were that you had been able to go shopping in your own closet and found three pairs of jeans you couldn't fit into before. Maybe you felt really good about seeing some small definition in your arms or being able to add ten pounds to your last lift. You are even getting very close to you first short term goal and being out of the "obese" category....
Then you see that picture, just a picture of friends....and there goes all your hard work, and trust me it has been hard. All you see now is how far you still have to go.

How do you combat this? What do you say to yourself or do to sort of trick your focus? Help please because when I see this, it almost...ALMOST....makes me want to give up.
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Replies

  • bunsen_honeydew
    bunsen_honeydew Posts: 230 Member
    So what if you are really fat. You were even more fat before, and you weren't a more terrible person, you just were biggeR.

    Would you feel better if you were photographed next to people more fat than you?

    It's not a competition.
  • IamUndrCnstruction
    IamUndrCnstruction Posts: 691 Member
    Not trying to imply that fat people are terrible....only that I thought I was making more progress than I was. So while it is not a competition with anyone else, it is with myself. There were people heavier than me in the photo, no it did not make me feel better.
  • bunsen_honeydew
    bunsen_honeydew Posts: 230 Member
    Define "progress"

    You just had a brain weasel. You did not suddenly get 2 sizes bigger just because you had a moment of "wow I'm (still) fat".

    You still fit into those previously too small clothes. You've still lost however many lb/kg that you did.

    And besides the camera always adds 10 pounds or something.
  • bunsen_honeydew
    bunsen_honeydew Posts: 230 Member
    Or perhaps you could just forbid everyone from photographing you for the next 6 months.
  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
    Instead of focusing on how far you have to go, focus on how far you've come. Realize that you're at the 'inbetween' stage and that it's simply a temporary place. And if you gave up, imagine what looking like in similar pictures would be.
  • 1stplace4health
    1stplace4health Posts: 523 Member
    Embrace yourself. If you do things that make you happy, help others, and focus on your career or family, you will forget the vain obsession with looks. Believe me, this realization took me 37 years to embrace. It gets easier when you learn to love yourself and be kinder to yourself. You only have one chance at life, do you really want to spend it worrying about your body or enjoying your experiences with family & friends. Best wishes.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
    edited May 2015
    I just have a different mindset and attitude. When i see really slim or muscular people I just use it as aspirational and keep going. They havent had my journey and I dont really compare myself to others. I do focus on where I am now, where I was and where im going to be. I make improvements evey month.

    I focus on the day im in because by thinking short term and living in the present I make more likely the future will be a brighter one. I dont need to trick myself, I support and motivate me for where i want to go and where I will be.
    Be your own best friend.

    If it didnt make you feel better and you want to play that game then work harder (knowing what that entails) or be patient. I think i have been so focused, have never had the moment you are describing.

    ps imagine what you would have looked like in that photo before the progress.
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    Okay, so what is the alternative then? Just give up and gain your weight back and continue to hate having your photo taken?

    OR just accept that it is whatever it is and this is just a temporary situation and just get over it and move on.

    It really is up to you.
  • IamUndrCnstruction
    IamUndrCnstruction Posts: 691 Member
    Guess I thought
    bunsen_honeydew wrote: »
    Or perhaps you could just forbid everyone from photographing you for the next 6 months.

    I could probably arrange this as I don't often go anywhere.

    @1stplace4health You are very much correct, though there are other reasons besides vanity that I have to do this. That was just the reason that shocked me this morning. It is true though about being "in between" right now. Somehow it is harder than just being heavy...
  • shifterbrainz
    shifterbrainz Posts: 245 Member
    I hope this doesn't sound crass, but you are describing the difference between reality and fantasy. Fantasy is fun and I love living there. :love: But a dose of reality now and then is generally a good thing. :flowerforyou: Use the picture as motivation rather than depression. You are making great progress and should be proud of your strength and dedication to get this far. It sounds like you aren't satisfied yet, so don't accept anything less! You can do it because you have been doing it!!! :drinker:
  • bunsen_honeydew
    bunsen_honeydew Posts: 230 Member
    I'm way fatter than you, and I don't allow my photo to be taken unless I'm dressed well and have a bit of lippy on. Otherwise I looks like a blob with a pasty face (very much like my profile pic!) as opposed to a put-together largish lady with red lips and fabulous glasses.

    Work on dissociation your physical looks with your motivation. Otherwise one day you may wake up at your goal weight and still feel fugly.
  • HumboldtFred
    HumboldtFred Posts: 159 Member
    Behold the field upon which I grow my #@$^# ! Verily cast thine eyes upon it and what do'st thine eyes see? Behold! there is not one single @&^#! Therefore I have not one $%#^ to bestow upon this issue. No ^%#&@ were given upon this morn!
  • IamUndrCnstruction
    IamUndrCnstruction Posts: 691 Member
    Never said I was giving up. Sometimes I may want to, and those of you who gave never felt this way, congratulations and good for you. I do agree that I may need to disassociate the way I look from my actual feelings and motivation or no amount of weight loss may be enough. To say "just work harder" is not helpful as you know nothing about what I do or where I am coming from. I am waiting on a lung transplant and still work harder than a lot of the healthy people I know. That part I do take pride in, I push myself very hard. I guess that's why I get sad/frustrated when I see the pictures.
  • jenncornelsen
    jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
    i can relate. i recently had my photo taken while on my dream vacation. i had lost about 10lb and all i could focus on is how big i looked. it''s sad really here i was in front of the colusseum and all i noticed were my stomach rolls. i won't allow where i am now though to keep me from attaining my goals. to me it was just motivation. at the same time i want to love myself no matter where i am at. this won't be a fast journey. better to enjoy the ride
  • sljohnson1207
    sljohnson1207 Posts: 818 Member
    edited May 2015
    I understand what you are expressing here, but focus on getting to where you need to be to get that lung transplant, and heal from that, then meet all your goals, and have a special photo shoot done. Your health is what matters here more than vanity. I know that's easier said than done, but really, really, try to focus your energy where it's most necessary right now. <<cyberhugs>>
  • slp51
    slp51 Posts: 201 Member
    IamUndrCnstruction wrote: »
    Never said I was giving up. Sometimes I may want to, and those of you who gave never felt this way, congratulations and good for you. I do agree that I may need to disassociate the way I look from my actual feelings and motivation or no amount of weight loss may be enough. To say "just work harder" is not helpful as you know nothing about what I do or where I am coming from. I am waiting on a lung transplant and still work harder than a lot of the healthy people I know. That part I do take pride in, I push myself very hard. I guess that's why I get sad/frustrated when I see the pictures.

    I'm a nerve tissue recipient and volunteer for Donate Life. I wanted to acknowledge your drive and aspirations, especially with your challenges. It sure puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

  • bunsen_honeydew
    bunsen_honeydew Posts: 230 Member
    > special photo shoot

    Yes this is an excellent idea. A decent photog with props, make up etc will show you at your absolute best, not some crappy phone photo taken at a party.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
    Btw a photo was one of the things that got me to pull my thumb out and get on with things. I didnt worry about slim people or even how fat i was just that I would instigate change and its nice to see some of it in the mirror. Use it to inspire you.
  • IamUndrCnstruction
    IamUndrCnstruction Posts: 691 Member
    @sljohnson1207 I am tryingbto do that. I have 5 pounds to go to hit their weight loss requirements. I like the idea of a photo shoot after I meet my goals, though that will happen more than likely before transplant than after. They are putting me through the ringer with this process and do not seem to be in a hurry to give me one.

    @slp51 Yes, it does put many things into perspective, and does a number on my head sometimes. May I message you for info on volunteering and things of that sort, as I think it would give me a much better thing to focus on

    @bunsen_honeydew very very true. And a good idea.
  • slp51
    slp51 Posts: 201 Member
    IamUndrCnstruction wrote: »
    @sljohnson1207

    @slp51 Yes, it does put many things into perspective, and does a number on my head sometimes. May I message you for info on volunteering and things of that sort, as I think it would give me a much better thing .

    Of course you may message me! I actually have quite a story about how I started volunteering...
  • panchango
    panchango Posts: 76 Member
    Mine wasn't a picture of myself, but some guy yelling "Move It Fatty!" when I was out bicycling. It threw me for a loop, but I just had to brush it aside and remind myself how far I have come already and how much better I feel instead of dwelling on the negative.
  • IamUndrCnstruction
    IamUndrCnstruction Posts: 691 Member
    panchango wrote: »
    Mine wasn't a picture of myself, but some guy yelling "Move It Fatty!" when I was out bicycling. It threw me for a loop, but I just had to brush it aside and remind myself how far I have come already and how much better I feel instead of dwelling on the negative.

    I am glad you did! People can be awful. You are right, of course...I am just finding it hard to do today. Actually I find it hard to do a lot of the time.

  • jules6669mfp
    jules6669mfp Posts: 446 Member
    I can relate. But, shake it off and embrace what you've lost and be proud. I hate seeing pictures of myself. Even lastnight we took pics and I hate them. I think it goes deeper than "i look fat" etc. when I weighed 132 I used to think that I was so fat. I believed that, it's what I saw. However, don't let that be a reason to say " the heck with it". Love yourself as you are. You are worth getting healthier. You can do. We need to stop hating how we look and love who we are. If we are good, kind human beings then we are beautiful.
  • 1stplace4health
    1stplace4health Posts: 523 Member
    bunsen_honeydew wrote: »
    I'm way fatter than you, and I don't allow my photo to be taken unless I'm dressed well and have a bit of lippy on. Otherwise I looks like a blob with a pasty face (very much like my profile pic!) as opposed to a put-together largish lady with red lips and fabulous glasses.

    Work on dissociation your physical looks with your motivation. Otherwise one day you may wake up at your goal weight and still feel fugly.

    *Well said*

  • 1stplace4health
    1stplace4health Posts: 523 Member
    jules6669mfp wrote: »
    I can relate. But, shake it off and embrace what you've lost and be proud. I hate seeing pictures of myself. Even lastnight we took pics and I hate them. I think it goes deeper than "i look fat" etc. when I weighed 132 I used to think that I was so fat. I believed that, it's what I saw. However, don't let that be a reason to say " the heck with it". Love yourself as you are. You are worth getting healthier. You can do. We need to stop hating how we look and love who we are. If we are good, kind human beings then we are beautiful.

    I can totally relate to feeling "fat" at 132 lbs. Now that I'm actually "fat" (according to the doctor's BMI) at 188lbs. I have to accept myself or I will be tormented by the number, like I did most of my 20's worrying about it. I am enjoying my life now, at this weight, because this is where I am now and I don't want to look back and regret feeling disgusted with myself, and wasting my time, instead of enjoying everyday.
  • strong_curves
    strong_curves Posts: 2,229 Member
    Comparison is the thief of joy. :) And don't give up, you've made progress. Instead of using the picture as a demotivator, look at it from another more positive point of view. Look how far you've come and how far you will go.
  • bunsen_honeydew
    bunsen_honeydew Posts: 230 Member
    I found old photos of me from when I hated myself a lot, and *kitten* me, I was so thin then! But I truly did not know how to dress! I can't even blame the 80s fashion.

    You have to live the one life you've got.
  • Ms_LisaKay
    Ms_LisaKay Posts: 103 Member
    @IamUndrCnstruction - I am right in the "mid-journey" boat with you. Like you, current pics of myself are not greatly helpful. But, no matter what, I have come this far and I am not going back. I am going to put that next set of weight on the training bar tomorrow and I am going to feel good about THAT. I am going to not let today steal tomorrow's sunshine. I will do 2 10-second hover yoga pushups by the end of the week, and I will feel particularly awesome about that. I will log my food, and I will know that since it has worked so far, it will keep working. And when the doubts hover around, I will tell them to get bent and pretend I can report them to Admin as "abuse."
  • mandyclay1982
    mandyclay1982 Posts: 11 Member
    I really know how you feel!!!!!! I've lost 30lbs and I still don't accept the way i look in pictures and at times i do want to give up too. Its always going to be a constant battle but if you give up now you will always wonder 'what if i kept going.' Take it one day at a time. There will be days you will be proud of how far you've come and days you feel like throwing in the towel. Push through those hard days and tell yourself I will see more results if i just keep going. :)
  • nitaaaaa
    nitaaaaa Posts: 19 Member
    I also happen to notice when I lose a little weight it comes off in certain areas that make my stomach look like it is protruding more, bc when I'm thicker it fills in the edges around my belly fat and looks more uniform. I try to remind myself of this and that it's actually a good thing and to keep going. Tho it's really hard when people keep asking if you're pregnant :(
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