How do you keep going?

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Zombieinkpot
Zombieinkpot Posts: 745 Member
in Motivation and Support
How do you keep going when all you want to do is die?

I've been clinically depressed for six years now, and I seem to be getting worse. I'm on meds, I've done counselling and CBT, and nothing seems to help. I'm so tired all the time. I don't sleep and when I do I have horrible dreams. I find everything really difficult, both physically and mentally. I've am so grateful for everything I have; I pray and try to keep positive, yet the only thing that gets me through the day is knowing I'm one day closer to death. I know if I kill myself I'll probably go to hell and everything will get worse, but it is so hard to keep going with all this pain. I know my family will be really upset if I kill myself, and I don't want to hurt them. I guess I can only hope I will die soon.

I'm sorry, this is very depressing, and I know it is nothing to do with health and fitness. I'd really appreciate it if any one could give me some advice on how to cope with suffering and keep going.

Thanking you in advance for any and all replies.

Replies

  • csman49
    csman49 Posts: 1,100 Member
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    You're not in a good place right now. But it wont always be like that. Find something to focus on, perhaps a group activity (running club or something)? Something to look forward to. Everybody's beautiful in some small way, yourself included. Remember that
  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
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    Seek help.

    1 (800) 273-8255
    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
  • Zombieinkpot
    Zombieinkpot Posts: 745 Member
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    Thanks Csman49 and Ninkyou
  • SconnieCat
    SconnieCat Posts: 770 Member
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    Don't apologize, OP. Sometimes you'll find the most supportive people are people who don't know you at all. I've found that strangers are sometimes the easiest for me to talk to as I can be completely honest with them.

    I know you've said that you've been on medication and you have been in counselling, but have you tried seeking a different counselor? Or perhaps switching medication? Are there any support groups in your area? Sometimes talking to people who are going through the same thing as you are can be incredibly helpful.

    I highly recommend sharing all of these thoughts with a counselor... whether it be yours or a new one.

    I know everyone is different and I hope I'm not coming across as making light of anything or belittling...I'm just going to say what worked for me, so if you've tried it and it doesn't work, my sincere apologies. When I was in the thick of things, I focused on the small things that made me happy. Even if it was a movie that I would watch over and over again, or an activity I really enjoyed. For me, it was swimming. I was always swimmer and when I was in the water, I found myself being able to let go. Plus I was doing something good for myself and I always felt better about myself when I was done swimming. I also found that if I tried to stay busy and out of my house, I wouldn't have the destructive thoughts I did when I was laying around my living room. I found things that I enjoyed and I focused on those things.

    Please know that you're not alone. And I promise you with every bit of myself, and being the person who felt very similar to how you're feeling 3 years ago that it will get better. And I can't stay it enough... please seek help and share your thoughts with your counselor or someone you trust.
  • sodakat
    sodakat Posts: 1,126 Member
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    Can you call someone to take you to the hospital emergency room today so you can be seen and given meds? I read your profile and know your mom depends on you, but right now you need to take care of YOU! Depression can be offset some by medications but also by cognitive behavioral therapy. PLEASE ask the emergency room doctor you see if they can help you find a group session in your area. You deserve to enjoy life, and you will if you tell someone what is going on. Please, please, please do this.

    Someday you'll look back and think, wow, I no longer feel that way! Really, you will.

  • Zombieinkpot
    Zombieinkpot Posts: 745 Member
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    Thanks SconnieCat and sodakat. Good advice from you both. I hope that day comes soon!
  • WickedPineapple
    WickedPineapple Posts: 701 Member
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    I agree you should seek help. If counseling hasn't helped you might want to try a different counselor. Or even better, a psychiatrist who can put you on new meds or adjust the ones you're on. Your meds also might be negatively affecting your dreams.

    Keep in mind this is not who you are. Depression is something that happens to us, not something we are. Try to avoid negative thoughts and definitely don't dwell on them if you can help it. I actually started a journal where I have to record one happy thing per day, so when I have my depressive periods, I can read my happy things. It's really hard to remember happiness sometimes, but it's there.

    Do you have someone in your life you can confide in about this?
  • WickedPineapple
    WickedPineapple Posts: 701 Member
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    I agree you should seek help. If counseling hasn't helped you might want to try a different counselor. Or even better, a psychiatrist who can put you on new meds or adjust the ones you're on. Your meds also might be negatively affecting your dreams.

    Keep in mind this is not who you are. Depression is something that happens to us, not something we are. Try to avoid negative thoughts and definitely don't dwell on them if you can help it. I actually started a journal where I have to record one happy thing per day, so when I have my depressive periods, I can read my happy things. It's really hard to remember happiness sometimes, but it's there.

    Do you have someone in your life you can confide in about this?
  • Zombieinkpot
    Zombieinkpot Posts: 745 Member
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    Thanks WickedPineapple. I have been through a few meds with my psychiatrist, but I guess a new one isn't going to hurt! I think I'm very bad at communicating verbally. I don't want to be a moan or a burden to others, so I don't think they realise how badly I feel. I'll write things down and bring it with me to my doctor. I'm much better at writing things. I write out ten things I'm grateful for every morning, and it does help, but sometimes it just isn't enough. I don't have anyone I can talk to. Again with the not being very good at talking about myself, and then they get upset and I feel I have to cheer them up. I know! I'm my own worst enemy. Anyway, thank you for the reply and I'll write everything down before I go to the doctor so they can read it and see how I feel, because I just can't say it.

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