Drowning

TEJR47
TEJR47 Posts: 3 Member
in Introduce Yourself
We've all been there - that's why we're here. I'm drowning. Not just in the weight, because that's certainly true, but in the pain, immobility, depression and fear that goes with it.

I'm a binge eater. Have been since I was very young after an abuse incident. But it's been worse than ever since my 40th birthday last August. I was on WW for a bit almost 2 years ago, and lost almost 50 lbs, but I've since gained it all back. I do know tracking works for me. I also know I don't like the ladies at WW who shake their head or make rude comments - it's one of the big reasons why I left. Crying after a weigh in because the lady made a jerky comment wasn't helping.

I also suffer from chronic depression.

So, It's 4:51 AM, I haven't slept and have a full day tomorrow. And decided I need to make some better choices in my life. I'm married (not so sure these days if it's happily) and have 2 kids. I'm a stay at home mom, and spend a lot of time volunteering for church and school. I know I binge at night in front of the TV and while I'm online. I'm on the computer way too much, and know I need to limit that just as much as I need to limit food. I wish I could say I work out regularly. Sometimes I swim, but even that now is making me hurt.

I feel like such a Debbie Downer, like I should be on here all rah rah I'm ready to lose weight! Let's do this! But I'm not rah rah, I'm more "help me" in a small voice. Not the best first impression, but we're going to keep it as real as we can on this.

Replies

  • CM_73
    CM_73 Posts: 554 Member
    Best of luck to you. There are some really inspirational stories in the message boards here, always good to spent a while reading through and seeing that it CAN be done.
    The diary logging is the only thing that's worked consistently for me over the Years, that's why I'm back on it now but this time trying with the community involvement to help keep me on track.

    You've taken the first big step in deciding to make changes, as the quote says, "Every journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step." (something like that)
    Take each day as it comes, keep working towards a better you, it's within your reach if you want it badly enough.
    Good luck!!
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,301 Member
    I hear you. There are so many conditions which incorporate the symptoms you mention. May I suggest you have a full medical to see if you have anything specific going on to be addressed first. I know only too well no health provision is perfect. Being able to make a clear argument for investigations can be so hard. Many out there, see only one cause of over weight, I believe there is a different accumulation for every person who feels as you do and many others do and have. You will find like minded people here.

    Please try to take a deep breath. You sound as if you know all the "theory" even how to apply it well. Try to make one change at a time while you ensure you basic health is good. I wish you had one good friend in one of the places where you are brave, strong enough, to support others. Try to let yourself be your own best friend till you find one. When you feel the need to comfort eat. Identify what is the specific cause on this occasion, be compassionate to yourself, give yourself permission to feel the hurt, give yourself permission not to turn it in on yourself so destructively. Give yourself permission to voice your view that this ... statement, situation, is something which is not helpful to you. Done in a gentle positive way this should not antagonise any situation.

    You are strong, brave and most of all worthwhile.
  • TEJR47
    TEJR47 Posts: 3 Member
    Thanks, guys. Lots of positivity really needs to be the key. And to not beat myself up for making not the perfect choice every time. And to remember we are more than the number on the scale.

    Stepped outside of my own head today and went out to help kids at an at risk school, and that put a lot of things back into perspective - for the day at least.

    Day one done, so far so good.

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