What is the person above hiding in their closet?

Proof of alien life on Mars.

a full stack full of red wigs and lipstick

bath tub, massage oil and strawberries

All that assortment of women's clothing for those special "dress up" nights out that he stole from my closet

The complete collection of adult toys that she uses on me...

Cages full or rats he used to experiment on. Trying to come up with a edible tan spray.

Counterfeit checks that amount to millions.

Gerbils...

Boxes and boxes of dirty magazines

A clown costume (used at night to scare the neighbourhood)