Its so hard to eat well at my parents house!

jessgallison · May 2011

It's so frustrating! i'm a college student so I live 9 months out of the year at my own house at school. I cook all my own meals and can measure things out and be as careful as I want. I buy my own groceries and only have to plan meals for myself. I have been doing so well, actually way better than I expected.

I go home sometimes on weekends and I will be home for two months this summer. Its so much harder to eat welll!! My parents cook at least dinner, but usually all the meals for me. I'm not going to make my own meals, thats just really not how my family works. They eat pretty well, but its just not as careful as I am. I burned 400 calories today and STILL was over by 40 after eating back all the exercise calories. I am at 1200 calories, so the deficit is large, but still. I want to keep doing well.

Does anyone else have this kind of problem? I haven't eaten 1600 calories in a while and it feels really strange. Even with exercising. I'm worried I wont keep loosing weight.

senator_kang · May 2011

Yeah, I don't know how old you are, but if you can't discuss this with your parents enough to change "how your family works," or stay somewhere else for those two months, then please do not complain about it. These are your issues. Let me state that again, these are your issues. You can choose to eat whatever you want to, and not whatever you don't. You can stay with your parents, and eat everything they serve you, but please- don't expect sympathy.

If growing up means disappointing some people, or changing the way things are, or even, "upsetting" the balance of the family... you can chose which you'd rather do.

strapple · May 2011

oh god tell me about it xD

ive got a half jewish/half mexican family on my side

and a german/english family on my husbands side

basically whenever we eat at EITHER of our homes we know its going to end in high calories

its not so bad though after i explained that we both have dairy allergies and are watching our weight
when we openly express it as a concern i think your family may accept it and not be offended if you make something different for yourself

or maybe opt to forgo whatever the main course is and heap up on the sides (veggies etc)
or just have a small portion of whatever the healthy thing is. if its fried, peel the fried part off

try to tell your parents "wow i love your food but its totally sinful in how tasty it is! for now im on a diet so ill just have a little bit!"

some people are really defensive about their food so they would get upset but if youre tactful, i hope your family would understand and respect your need for a healthier lifestyle

but in the end if you cant handle them, try just working out a little extra and harder when youre home, its not like its for TOO long. maybe add 20-30 minutes to your normal workout.

strapple · May 2011

i think the above statement was pretty harsh. i dont think what i read sounded like an incredibly unreasonable family albeit one that doesnt really understand dieting. you have every right to seek advice and concern and i really respect you for taking your families feelings into account.

it is possible to be healthy, diet, and not offend a closed minded family. i swear!

emsibun · May 2011

However it 'just works' the only real solution is to make changes to the situation.

If, while in their home, your parents are paying for the food and bills, and preparing all the food, I'm sorry to say their rules go! But there's no reason why you can't discuss making your portion sizes smaller to suit your goals. If they are healthy goals your parents surely will only be supportive?

jessgallison · May 2011

Senator, I found your comment extremely rude. I don't feel that I was complaining as much as looking for advice and support from other people in a similar situation. I thought this was what this site was about. If you didn't like the topic, you didnt have to open it or respond. I think it speaks to some pretty large issues on your part if that is how you respond to strangers who have done nothing to harm you. There was nothing constructive about it, and frankly you just came off as unhappy and unkind.

I'm not even really sure what else to say. I thought that this was a safe space to discuss these types of questions. I hope your last comment made you feel better about yourself, because it certainly did not help anyone else.

strapple · May 2011

However it 'just works' the only real solution is to make changes to the situation.

If, while in their home, your parents are paying for the food and bills, and preparing all the food, I'm sorry to say their rules go! But there's no reason why you can't discuss making your portion sizes smaller to suit your goals. If they are healthy goals your parents surely will only be supportive?

i agree with this and what i said

im not sure what that other guy had going for him but i really disagree with his statements

Libby81 · May 2011

I get this too. I recently moved back in with my parents after living alone and am finding it MUCH harder to keep track on my eating habits Not only that but when you're having an off day there are so many opportunities to stray from your diet that it makes it really hard not to.

I make my own meals now and buy my own food, but the temptation of Toad in the Hole and sometimes pizza / chip shop. The suggestion that the food is there is sometimes way to hard to stay away from.

MoonShadow_1au · May 2011

Parents (and in-laws) believe you cannot feed yourself and want to make sure they can stuff you with as much food a physically possible until you burst !!

Well that is how my parents and in-laws were in the early years. Eventually I stood up to them and basically told them "I no longer eat crap". The in-laws took it hard, my parents were over the moon I was looking after myself. (and I still have a great relationship with both).

If you are being fed at home and the food is good then ask if you can serve yourself and have smaller portions. Reduce them bit by bit until they notice (or until you are happy with serving size). Your parents will NEVER be unhappy with you if you are making a "good" decision, just be prepared to explain your actions and all will be well.

There are however a couple of people I have trouble saying NO to, the wife the main problem. She has control (lots of it) and has no issue giving me a plate of food twice as large as hers and "complains" to why I don't come back for more ..... and in the same breath complains about hoe much crap I eat (obviously not given to me by her! ).

Eating with others is a tricky situation. Be honest to yourself and your goals, and be honest with those around you and all should work out well.

wannabalozer · May 2011

I had to respond to this because just this morning I looked in the mirror and a thought a pretty similar thought to your subject line.

I am a grown woman, living as a missionary in another country but soon will return "home" to the States for a visit this summer. I will be bombarded with candy aisles, packaged foods galore and just a whole bunch of stuff that I love but can't find here. Oh yeah, and my family is full of Portuguese women who love to cook and eat.

For me I think that this summer will be about choices, portion control, and cutting myself some slack every now and then. If you have a bad meal, recover at the next one. Take it one day at a time. Have a game plan but don't try to tackle the whole summer now.

Enjoy your break! We'll look forward to hearing you say how well you did this summer!

concordancia · May 2011

When you say "that just isn't how it is done" do you mean making separate meals or you aren't allowed to take over in the kitchen? I would suggest asking to be allowed to cook a few of those family dinners a week - maybe even phrase it as you would like to show them how you are eating, but make sure to make lots and don't try to control their portions. Or you could phrase it as offering a break to whoever usually cooks.

In my family, separate meals aren't done, but Mom is happy to let me take over. As long as I don't make certain healthy things that drive her batty, like gazpacho. But Dad is a brat. We had a family vacation one year and one of my brother's has a yeast allergy. Dad would see me preparing two separate dishes and decide that he needed his own dish as well, then proceed to grab the spoon I was using for my brother's food to stir his own, even though he was using the seasonings with yeast extract in them... And he will whine if the meal doesn't include whatever he considers a balanced meal at the moment.

The point is, you have to know your family in order to deal with them appropriately, but the best solution is usually to offer to be the cook. If your Mom insists that it is her way of showing love, then you can point out that how you feel when she pushes unhealthy choices and love should involve wanting to see you healthy.

jessgallison · May 2011

Thank you everyone for your responses. I meant that my mom is fairly attached to making dinner for the whole family. I dont meant to say that my family eats crap, because they dont. They do, however, have things like spaghetti and sandwiches on rolls and things like that. I will try to work on portion control, but its hard feeling hungry because I can't eat much because the food is high in fat. My mom is also quiet the baker so she has cookies and other yummy things just lying around. Its a much harder test to say no to the cookie that was brought to me then to not buy it. I will work on everything you guys suggested. My mom is open to dinner suggestions, so maybe I can think of things that the whole family would like and ask for those foods.

timeforme23 · May 2011

I know exactly how you feel! My parents know I'm doing this and trying to lose weight, and in response they bring home a bunch of crap and constantly test my will power! I can't help but cave sometimes and it sucks! Feel free to add me for support, and good luck!

Dawntodusk · May 2011

Maybe you can make a huge salad with every meal - load it with lots of things like cheese (low fat), nuts, chicken breast or shrimp, etc. Eat it as a "side" but load your plate with it and then eat the food your mom makes in smaller portions. Eat the salad first, maybe. You can just tell your mom that you'd like to help out by making a salad at every meal. Then make it a salad to remember - bean salad, couscous salad, etc. I'm sure there are lots of ideas for salad. I'd say make soup, too, but maybe summer's not a good time for that - maybe winter break.

This way, you're still eating your mom's cooking, but not.

merrycat · May 2011

Could you get yourself a lot of healthy snacks to munch on throughout the day so that by the time mealtimes comearound you're not so hungry? Veggies like sugar snap peas, celery, baby carrotts, as wel as fruits like strawberries and blackberries are high in fiber and low in calories. Here is a list of other high fiber, low calorie foods you could try snacking on between meals :http://www.livestrong.com/article/30210-foods-low-fat-low-calorie/

(Edited because I can't figure out how to creat links >.<)

Lleldiranne · May 2011

Portion control! Just serve yourself smaller portions (surely they recognize that as a college student you're old enough to do serve yourself). Then fill up on fresh or frozen veggies. Really, almost any food is okay if eaten in small amounts, and the extra nutrients from the veggies will be great.
Who knows, you might even be a catalyst to helping them make some healthy lifestyle changes.

stephaniezoundi · May 2011

I totally sympathise!!! My mom was just visiting me for the last 3 weeks. I live in the UK and the whole damn family is in Canada. I found it exceptionally hard while she was here...and I can safely say that she DOES eat crap.
I found that while it was hard and I didn't always make good choices, it did highlight to me how much I have changed. I ended up saying to my mom that while I appreciated the gesture (of whatever snack it was that she picked up) I just couldn't eat like that any more.
I like the above suggestion of making a big salad to serve. Or tell your mom you want to help out in the kitch and work together to make meals even healthier that they already all.
Good luck! :flowerforyou:

Its so hard to eat well at my parents house!

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