"You look great as you are" - not entirely helpful

Baileys83
Baileys83 Posts: 152 Member
edited September 27 in Motivation and Support
Is it just me or is the phrase "You look great as you are" not entirely helpful when you are trying to loose weight/get in shape? i know my partner means well but here's me busting a gut to work out n eat sensibly and that's the famous phrase he comes out with. Not exactly motivating. Easy for him to say when he is toned and all muscle naturally.

Replies

  • allisoncook87
    allisoncook87 Posts: 160 Member
    I always say I don't feel great and that's what matters
  • kirstinkrueger
    kirstinkrueger Posts: 346
    Or when you are showinf off pictures of how far you have come and people say "You were just as pretty back then"

    OK, I know what you MEANT, but that kinda hurts dude!
  • KierstyPants
    KierstyPants Posts: 468 Member
    I've gotten that A LOT.
    probably because i'm really freakin tall and I look much less than what I actually weigh.
    But anyways, I definitely feel you on that, but just keep on keeping on. =]
    You're doing great. 4 pounds is awesome!
  • sister_bear
    sister_bear Posts: 529 Member
    My fiance says, "I love you no matter what." It's a better way to put it.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    I'm starting to hear "aren't you skinny enough already?" or even more silly, "you're not gonna go all anorexic on me, are you?"

    I keep reminding my darling hubby that I am at the very top end of what is "healthy" so I still have room to lose and not enter anorexic territory!!!

    (I think he's just bummed that the girls have shrunk LOL)
  • tam120
    tam120 Posts: 444 Member
    Most of the time they mean well, gotta give them a break, they just don't know...
  • allisoncook87
    allisoncook87 Posts: 160 Member
    My grandpa is always like, you're not planning on losing any more weight are you? He gets mad then he throws up his hands and says it's your body. lol :)
  • Mads1997
    Mads1997 Posts: 1,494 Member
    Poor men, damned if they do and damned if they don't.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    Nope not helpful at all, but I suppose reassuring. My husband alternates between telling me I am too thin, and that I could lose some more weight. I'm never just right.
  • FabOma08
    FabOma08 Posts: 500
    Funny I read this now because I just heard that from my boyfriend about an hour ago! He said "I think you look beautiful now." My reply? "Thank you honey, That's because you love me and I love that!"
  • PJilly
    PJilly Posts: 22,247 Member
    Is it just me or is the phrase "You look great as you are" not entirely helpful when you are trying to loose weight/get in shape? i know my partner means well but here's me busting a gut to work out n eat sensibly and that's the famous phrase he comes out with. Not exactly motivating. Easy for him to say when he is toned and all muscle naturally.
    I would take it as the compliment it's intended to be and say, "Thank you." I'd rather hear that I look great than have someone tell me I look like crap. :tongue:
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    I smile and give him a kiss.

    "You look great" as an excuse to push unhealthy food at your or try to distract you from working out is cruel.

    "You look great" from the man who wants to shag you is a minimum requirement.
  • PJilly
    PJilly Posts: 22,247 Member
    I do have to confess, though, that I used to let it bug me when my father-in-law would say, "You're not going to lose any more weight, are you?" I realized there wasn't any point in stressing about it OR trying to convince him why I needed to lose a little more, so I just took to saying, "Nah, I'm working on maintaining what I've lost now." Now that's actually what I'm trying to do, but it was a bit of a white lie for a while there.
  • Heather75
    Heather75 Posts: 3,386 Member
    It's a compliment. Take it that way but do what you want in terms of your appearance.
  • phog007
    phog007 Posts: 29 Member
    As a chubby person who happens to be a husband, I understand the whole negative encouragement thing. So let me defend us husbands for a second.

    My wife and I have literally grown up together, being married seventeen years. Last year she decided to make some changes physically and though I made sure to be completely supportive I could not help but know I was going to miss parts of the "old" her.

    My wife has been a knockout since I met her at age sixteen. I have watched her body change over the years and through two kids and still enjoy its appearance as much as I did back then. Those little "bits' here and there that she finds disgusting I find sexy because they are a part of her and I love her. Not sure that makes sense, but it does in my head.

    So ladies, when your husband tells you that you "look great as you are", know that all he means by that is "You look amazing, he loves you, and does not think you need to change a thing to be sexy in his book!" That does not mean, he does not want you to be healthy or feel better about yourself!

    So tell him thanks, give him a kiss, and let him enjoy the old you while it is still around. The good news is because he loves you he will enjoy the new you just as much!

    just my 2 cents....
  • Heather75
    Heather75 Posts: 3,386 Member
    As a chubby person who happens to be a husband, I understand the whole negative encouragement thing. So let me defend us husbands for a second.

    My wife and I have literally grown up together, being married seventeen years. Last year she decided to make some changes physically and though I made sure to be completely supportive I could not help but know I was going to miss parts of the "old" her.

    My wife has been a knockout since I met her at age sixteen. I have watched her body change over the years and through two kids and still enjoy its appearance as much as I did back then. Those little "bits' here and there that she finds disgusting I find sexy because they are a part of her and I love her. Not sure that makes sense, but it does in my head.

    So ladies, when your husband tells you that you "look great as you are", know that all he means by that is "You look amazing, he loves you, and does not think you need to change a thing to be sexy in his book!" That does not mean, he does not want you to be healthy or feel better about yourself!

    So tell him thanks, give him a kiss, and let him enjoy the old you while it is still around. The good news is because he loves you he will enjoy the new you just as much!

    just my 2 cents....

    You're a lovely man.
  • Douniap
    Douniap Posts: 841
    He means well and don't take it in a negative way.
    How would you feel if he says: "oh ya, you need to loose weight.." or something similar.. You would be depressed and not happy.. He is just trying to make sure that you know that he loves you for You and not for how you look. So i would just say to him: Thank you, that is very sweet.. and keep on doing your thing until You are happy:)
    To your health
    Dounia
  • Cletc
    Cletc Posts: 352
    "You look great as you are" not entirely helpful

    It's a compliment.
    Make eye contact, smile, and say "Ah, thank you."

    Note: you do not have to thereafter explain why you are exercising, refraining from dessert, etc.

    And he's right; you look great as you are!

    It's okay to want to Look Great in another manner too. ~wink~
  • redtrain
    redtrain Posts: 32 Member
    After 14 years of marriage whenever my wife asks a loaded question like...how do I look, does this make me look fat, is this to tight, do you think im getting heavy, the standard answer all of us boys were taught at 7 years old is...You look great as you are..

    It is safe and polite and honest.
  • Cletc
    Cletc Posts: 352
    , the standard answer all of us boys were taught at 7 years old is...You look great as you are.. It is safe and polite and honest.

    I was thinking too, What a swell guy to say that!
    :-)
  • Baileys83
    Baileys83 Posts: 152 Member
    After 14 years of marriage whenever my wife asks a loaded question like...how do I look, does this make me look fat, is this to tight, do you think im getting heavy, the standard answer all of us boys were taught at 7 years old is...You look great as you are..

    It is safe and polite and honest.

    I think this is a lovely answer, a true gent... I know my other half, or my mother, or my sister, or whoever it is (just to note it wasnt a rant about my other half not being understanding, just a generalisation) means well and I shall learn to smile and say thanks.

    Anyway, doing this for me, no one else :-)
  • teresaq1
    teresaq1 Posts: 53
    Nice!
  • Cletc
    Cletc Posts: 352
    and I shall learn to smile and say thanks.

    It's very freeing, I think, to learn to Maintain eye contact, sparkle your happy eyes at them, and say "Thank you"
    :-)

    Other phrases that can work well are
    "I will consider that..."
    and
    "You may be right about that..."
    and
    "Yeah, one day I may have to come back and say You Told Me So"

    You can "consider" it for about one second and then maintain your own path to your goals as you were.

    They "may" be right about that, but frankly they probably aren't.
    etc.

    And I can see your'all's Avatar pics. You all Do Look Great already !!

    :-)
  • supersecretsquirrel1877
    supersecretsquirrel1877 Posts: 47
    I used to get, " You would be SOOOO pretty, IF, you would just lose some weight. " or " You don't look THAT heavy, you really weight THAT much?!? " and people wonder why I would emotionally eat. But my husband always tells me he loves me and as long as I am happy with myself then he is happy with me. Love that guy.
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