My Journey So Far(54lbs lost)

Sorry if it seems a rather long post,but here goes.

For a while i would always tell my self i need to lose weight,"i will start tomorrow",it was like this for a while,it came to the point where i just hated my self,i let my self go,i lost my self in video games,and just ate crap,and felt like crap,but everyday i would tell my self the same thing,"i will start tomorrow".

And every day after that, it would be rinse and repeat,as time went on i hated my self more and more,and i guess you can say i went into a depression,i was/am a carer for my father who has MS,and it does get to you at times,anyway back on topic,as started to have dark thoughts,i no longer wanted to be here anymore,life sucked,my life was not going anywhere,i detested my self and what i had become,i wanted to die,i had suicidal thoughts,every other day i would think how would i do it.




This picture was taken last year,seeing as i never want any pictures taken,due to me hating my self so much,its the only one i could find of my self in a state basically,At this point i was roughly 18 stone 13lbs(265lbs)maybe even more, and just living in darkness,i hated doing anything,i was moody,i was never happy,and i would bite every ones head off that was around me,i would live in my room,locked away from the world,hating my self,hating life,hating everything.

It had been like this for sometime,i wanted to die,let my die in my sleep,or something,should i do it this way or do it that way.

But then on Sunday June 16th 2013,there was a phone call late in the night,i always remember being told late night phone calls are never good news, so i went downstairs as my father was on the phone,it was my auntie,my cousin and been found dead,he had hung him self.

I could feel the chill run up my spine,and thought wow,i was speechless,i remember how me and him were so close as kids,but grew apart as we got older.

As time went on from this,it played on my mind for a while,my mood and my thoughts still didn't shift,but eventually i started to see,how much it tore my auntie and uncle and his brothers apart.

My feelings,and thoughts about suicide started to fade,i started to go out a little more,started to live a little,i started to face up to my demons,and see the only way change will happen is if i move my butt into gear,and do what i say i was going to do,and actually start to lose weight.

I didn't really start my fitness pal journey until 3 months ago,i started on January 14th i weighed 18 stone 13(265),close to 19 stone,and thought its going to be a lot of work,so i started to scan my food,weigh my food,look up different exercises and different foods to eat online.

I started to get really into it,most people around me thought it was just a phase and that it would eventually by pass and i would go back to the way i was,this give me the motivation to prove them wrong,and to prove to my self,that i can achieve something.

I bought a cycling/cross trainer machine,bought weights bench,borrowed some kettle bells from my uncle,i had everything i needed to lose weight.

So its now 14th of may and here i am



15 STONE 1(211lbs) lighter,i have yet to reach my goal,but i am not far from it,and i feel a million times better,both physically and mentally,i have lost 3 stone 12 lbs(54lbs) of weight and have lost all dark thoughts and they have been replaced with a goal, a reason,a target.

I have applied to join the police force,i have never been in a better frame of mind,and physically i have never felt better.

I went for my first run last week,and felt free,felt liberated,felt as though a burden has been taken from my shoulders.

So this is my Journey so far,my story so far,and may it long continue,i have come to the realization,that weight loss,is not just about transforming your body,but it transform's your mind,and for the better in a lot of cases,once you over come that mental obstacle,the possibilities are limitless,so no matter what keep fighting