Need support re: negative comments.

Gska17
Gska17 Posts: 752 Member
edited November 18 in Motivation and Support
I'm so tired of negative comments from coworkers! How little I'm eating (I'm eating a safe amount, don't worry), how thin I've become (I'm within normal limits).

Unfortunately I'm not one who can magically let all things roll off of my back. It takes a minute or two to get back into positive head-space.

How have you dealt with this?

I do realize these comments stem from their own insecurities but it still bugs me. :(

Replies

  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    I stand tall, own my choices, and provide a brief and dignified response to any inquiries. I only share my deepest feelings with trusted friends. Which are few.

    I'm serious about standing tall. There's something about a hunched-over co-worker that just begs to be bullied. I also have a gimlet eye, with which I grace the uncouth.

    Having a few jokes you can use to laugh it off might help, too.
  • Gska17
    Gska17 Posts: 752 Member
    I stand tall but I have an open face (I wear my heart on my sleeve, too, which sucks). :) I need a gimlet eye.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
    If its the same colleagues, then why not ask them to stop commenting?Its no required, but yu cna thank thme for their concern and explain you have your Drs approval and you are eating a measured healthy amount each day(its none of theri business really). Maybe post a BMI chart with you in the healthy range on it.

    If you cant deal with it at source, then write down some reminders for yourself and read that whenever anyone comments. I am a healthy weight , I am eating the recommened level etc.

    Personally id just smile and brush it off but that option isnt allowed, then id go for mind your own and shut them up, but they dont seem to be a real option for you. Keep a diary of how many times it happens and who so you cna see the pattern, it might prove useful, what you felt and how you responded.

  • SideSteel
    SideSteel Posts: 11,068 Member
    GingerSka wrote: »
    I'm so tired of negative comments from coworkers! How little I'm eating (I'm eating a safe amount, don't worry), how thin I've become (I'm within normal limits).

    Unfortunately I'm not one who can magically let all things roll off of my back. It takes a minute or two to get back into positive head-space.

    How have you dealt with this?

    I do realize these comments stem from their own insecurities but it still bugs me. :(

    You could try to politely explain to the people making the comments, that you aren't comfortable with it.

    My experience with this is that most people don't mean ill intent when they comment about someone being thin or fit or someone who doesn't eat much. That doesn't mean you shouldn't or can't be offended by it, I'm just mentioning it because I think for some people, intent matters. In their head they might even be trying to compliment you.


  • Gska17
    Gska17 Posts: 752 Member
    SideSteel wrote: »
    My experience with this is that most people don't mean ill intent when they comment about someone being thin or fit or someone who doesn't eat much. That doesn't mean you shouldn't or can't be offended by it, I'm just mentioning it because I think for some people, intent matters. In their head they might even be trying to compliment you.


    Good point!

    I'm just having an icky day I guess.
  • DirrtyH
    DirrtyH Posts: 664 Member
    This isn't quite the same thing. But there's a girl at work who was seriously a food pusher. She was constantly trying to get me to eat things and I don't think she even realized she was doing it. It really started to bug me. One day, she brought me a chocolate covered strawberry because she'd had lunch at Zupa's. I said, "No thanks," and she said, "I'll just leave it here," and set it on my computer keyboard and started to walk away. And I just sort of blew. I was like, "I hate it when you do that, why are you always trying to force feed me?" Or something like that. It was probably slightly more tactful, but still pretty blunt. She was a bit stunned and took the strawberry back. I felt kind of bad. But then the next day she was like, "I talked to my boyfriend about what you said yesterday and he said 'Yeah, you do do that.'" It hasn't been a problem since then. She still offers me food sometimes, but she doesn't push when I politely decline.

    The point of all that was... you might just need to get a little bitchy. Seriously, just say, "I'm doing fine and I'm a little tired of hearing about it." Just express your irritation. They may get it and back off.

    Or maybe not, maybe you work with a bunch of douches. I don't know. Worth a try, though.
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    edited May 2015
    Gosh, as I get older I don't care what others say or think..

    You can pretend to listen and move on..as you said it is about them and not you.. (their own insecurities)..

    You give power to others to affect you.. not the other way around... :/
  • jaqcan
    jaqcan Posts: 498 Member
    I'd probably respond with, Thanks, I didn't realize you were promoted to food police.
    or in response to "you're too skinny" say, "I know isn't it fabulous" Don't give them anything to work with.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    @gia07 , I'm with you on the advantages of maturity. They don't have to live in my body. I do.
  • BigLifter10
    BigLifter10 Posts: 1,153 Member
    jgnatca wrote: »
    @gia07 , I'm with you on the advantages of maturity. They don't have to live in my body. I do.

    Yes, if ONLY they would figure that out too! ;)
  • DigitalDiana
    DigitalDiana Posts: 157 Member
    I've sometimes quipped, " Well you can never be too rich or too thin...which one are you working on?" Then give a wicked smile...
  • Gska17
    Gska17 Posts: 752 Member
    I've sometimes quipped, " Well you can never be too rich or too thin...which one are you working on?" Then give a wicked smile...

    :D Love that.
  • BigLifter10
    BigLifter10 Posts: 1,153 Member
    GingerSka wrote: »
    I've sometimes quipped, " Well you can never be too rich or too thin...which one are you working on?" Then give a wicked smile...

    :D Love that.


    ditto!
  • brynnsmom
    brynnsmom Posts: 945 Member
    Honestly, I feel sorry for anyone who would care about how much and/or what I am eating. Blow it off.
  • dubird
    dubird Posts: 1,849 Member
    Come up with some smartassed comments if asking nicely doesn't help. Works for me, but I tend towards snarky anyways.
  • Gska17
    Gska17 Posts: 752 Member
    You all have turned around my thinking and I really appreciate it. :)
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    GingerSka wrote: »
    I stand tall but I have an open face (I wear my heart on my sleeve, too, which sucks). :) I need a gimlet eye.

    I've got an open face, too! No secrets here. That drives my children nuts.

    I could never enter a poker tournament.

    Gimlet eyes are the best! My dad's a pro; my daughter's a pro. If you don't have teenagers yet, start practicing now.
  • imatraveldiva
    imatraveldiva Posts: 15 Member
    my FRIENDS tease me about what i eat and we laugh and joke about it. notice i say my FRIENDS. they know what i am doing and why because we have a relationship, we talk. co workers dont get the benefit of explanations. if someone decides they want to comment, i usually say "im good, thanks" and that's the end of the discussion. no explanations, no charts, and, if it continues, the tact goes out the window. at the end of the day, this is your life and you have to do what you have to do to improve your days in this life. so have at it and enjoy!
  • surfteam1689
    surfteam1689 Posts: 73 Member
    edited May 2015
    Ask them, "Hey, what's YOUR body-fat percentage?!?!?!" ...and just smile! ;-)
  • mwyvr
    mwyvr Posts: 1,883 Member
    GingerSka wrote: »
    I'm so tired of negative comments from coworkers! How little I'm eating (I'm eating a safe amount, don't worry), how thin I've become (I'm within normal limits).

    I do realize these comments stem from their own insecurities but it still bugs me. :(

    You look fab. Your profile page lists nothing but positive motivators. You don't have an issue, they do.

    I'm assuming you don't like confrontation in the work place; you may even otherwise like or at least respect your co-workers. It can be hard to engage work mates in meaningful talk about your situation if they are in denial about their own weight and health issues and are bouncing their own problems in reverse off of you.

    If you do try to talk about it, the conversation has to be wholly centred on you and your choices and not leave them thinking there is some comparison going. Make it goal centred - you wanted to be able to engage in running races with your family so you worked to get into running form.

    If they can't understand and accept your decisions to reach for a perfectly healthy objective, there's little to be gained from pursuing the matter further. At that point I would simply and politely ask them to stop sharing their opinions on such matters. They may slip up and do it again but it would take a true dolt to misinterpret the reminder you'll give them at that time. I doubt you'll hear more of it.

    In the meantime plaster your office or cubical or work environment with posters advertising upcoming races and enter one. :smile:



  • Gska17
    Gska17 Posts: 752 Member
    @mwyvr, are you omniscient? That's me exactly. Thank you for your thoughtful reply. :)
  • mwyvr
    mwyvr Posts: 1,883 Member
    :smile: my pleasure. I simply envisioned my wife in your situation. She too is a very smart lady working with people she respects and who respect her, and she also goes out of her way to avoid workplace confrontation.

    In the meantime you must know at every level of your being that what you are doing is right for you, is healthy, is good for your relationships and family, is making your future brighter and you less prone to illness and disease, is fun... we could go on and on!

    With those wins firmly in mind let any ill-conceived comments bounce off harmlessly as they should. but if you can, have that goal-centred discussion with them and hopefully the issue will disappear for good.
  • Gska17
    Gska17 Posts: 752 Member
    It's like you were sitting inside my head, @mwyvr! :) Any confrontation makes me feel terrible. It's just how I'm wired. Being a sensitive soul doesn't always work in my favor.

    I do know what I'm doing is good for me and I love my goals. If she wants to get off of her butt and try I'll gladly give her pointers! I was upfront & brief with how I achieved this "miracle". ;)
  • grayleothedog281
    grayleothedog281 Posts: 1 Member
    Laugh at them they are only jealous because you have lost the weight and they haven't....... Chin up and ignore them
  • mwyvr
    mwyvr Posts: 1,883 Member
    @GingerSka if you do find your co-worker wants motivation and can't use you for that, at the risk of exposing your ID on MFP you could always point her to this thread:

    PHOTO ONLY SUCCESS STORIES!

    That thread brings tears (of joy for all involved) to my eyes!
  • Curtez
    Curtez Posts: 62 Member
    I have the same problem. Only then i look at them, and they criticize me but they are the ones shoving cake in their face on the regz so then i dont feel so badly
  • saraphim41
    saraphim41 Posts: 205 Member
    Just smile. Drives people nuts!
  • Gska17
    Gska17 Posts: 752 Member
    You guys are amazing! My heart has grown six sizes. :D

This discussion has been closed.