Developing a Negative Relationship with Food

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krissyreminisce
krissyreminisce Posts: 284 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, I reached my goal weight back in March (Hurrah!) and was pretty thrilled (and terrified!) that I was going to be at maintenance. That I was going to eat more than 1200 calories a day + exercise (though I came in with only 20lbs to lose, I found the forums too late. Oh well.), and that I wouldn't have to worry about the scale.

I was very wrong. I have since lost five more pounds, making me 105lbs at 5'3.5" and underweight. My relationship with food is rather negative now, especially when I can't control it, and I still contemplate losing more weight. I still eat at a deficit, despite the fact that I've slowly raised my calories to 1600 I never net them (I'm still netting around 1000-1400 a day based on whether or not I exercise). Though everyone pretty much thinks I can eat more with how active I am.

I'm so afraid of spiraling out of control and getting big again. Pretty much everyone in my life is concerned and very afraid, including myself, because while I know I don't NEED to lose more weight, it's just a thing that I'm passively letting happen now.

I've been eating 'enough' this week to the point where I actually feel satiated after my meals and I've been feeling guilty about it, after so many months of still having a little corner of hunger lingering after every meal.

I run a lot because I enjoy it and because I want to keep going for all the races I've signed up for, and I know I don't always fuel those runs, however long or short they may be. I even have trouble simply viewing food as fuel.

I really want to try and get over this hurdle myself before my mom makes good on her threat to take me to a doctor/hospital to get help. I know I need to gain some weight and I would like to do a body recomp, but the prospect is scary, even gaining to get back up to a healthy weight for my height is daunting and I'd still likely come in at a deficit.

Any support would be much appreciated. I would really like to be able to enjoy a meal with my family (that I didn't prepare) and not get upset or dread the prospect and the meal itself. :disappointed:

Replies

  • Seigla
    Seigla Posts: 172 Member
    edited May 2015
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    You did a great job getting rid of your excess weight, but if I look to your pictures and I see your weight/length I think you have gone too far. I understand that it takes a lot of discipline and effort to lose so much (and I compliment on you having that ;) ), but now I would say the challenge is to let go of that mentality and, as you say, let go your negative relation with food. I think getting professional help for that is a wise step to take now; the professional help doesn't have to be very big necessarily (I can't judge that from here), but if you get it you can prevent this issue from becoming something that spirals out of control. I say this because I worry about you when I see your pictures and I read your story.

    I had my portion of psychologists as well. Asking for help always seems a big step, but for me it has changed my life.
  • VHancock1213
    VHancock1213 Posts: 1 Member
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    Like our goals for weight loss set your goal for weight gain. What is your ideal weight? Give yourself 2kg above and 2kg under if you hit either of those 2kg limits you need to focus again on your activities and diet. Running is amazing once you get into it, but if you really enjoy it and want to keep running then yes fuel is the key or injuries can occur preventing you from doing what you enjoy. Remember everything in moderation. Be proud of your achievement and keep your goal intact. Was your reason to lose weight to look and feel good? Keep that reason to gain weight and hold your ideal weight goal in place. Use the very same motivations in the opposite direction. They worked once they will work again :)
  • kickassbarbie
    kickassbarbie Posts: 286 Member
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    Well done for accepting it's a problem that's the first step to getting it sorted. Weightloss can be addictive.

    Be honest and talk with your mom it may help you more than you'd think to have her support.

    I do think outside help at this point may be a good idea, and i dont think seeking advice online is a great idea. No one but a qualified professional should be giving advice and there are some people online who may not have your interests at heart due to their own issues.

    Best of luck to you! Stay strong. :-)
  • irishdancer214
    irishdancer214 Posts: 108 Member
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    Hey there, saw your post and had to reply.... Back in 2009, I'd worked really hard and dropped from 155 pounds to around 120, after doing a lot of reading and changing my diet, as well as working out. I was still living at home at the time and my dad had lost his job, just as I was getting used to my new healthy lifestyle. I was very much in the same place as you...I had gotten so used to tracking calories, watching everything I ate...going out to eat was always a big issue and things took a turn for the worse as my life at home went downhill. At my worst I was about 112/113lbs (5'5").....running 2+ hours a day and eating maybe 1200 calories...which shrunk to 900/1000 some days. I went thru several months of "eating normally" for a couple weeks, then gaining weight (even with eating 1500 calories a day) and starving it back off again....and it controlled everything I did. i gained back what I lost, but I've been slowly starting my journey again...knowing what I might be facing this time around. For me, it just took time and slowly learning to accept myself. A little cheat day here or there is okay...you just have to learn to find a balance. Talking to a doctor or someone could be a big help...I wish I had been open to that! Best of luck to you!

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