Mental health, losing what I gained taking over my life

BellaGowrie
BellaGowrie Posts: 45 Member
edited November 18 in Health and Weight Loss
Hey everyone :] Basically, last year I properly started committing to losing weight, and I lost about 20 lbs and felt awesome. I wasn't totally at my goal, but I was happier with how I looked (20, 5'6, 138 lbs). In October last year, I began to hit a rough patch with my mental health and started obsessing about my weight and what I was eating, and I lost a few more pounds until I realised that it was becoming dangerous and I had an unhealthy mindset and needed to stop. I avoided MFP for a few months, but was maintaining at about 141 lbs until the end of January.
However, by March, I had put on 8 lbs and felt horrendous. I was really struggling with depression, and eating crap and not leaving the house was obviously leading to me feeling worse and putting on weight. Since then I have just felt awful, trying to not blame myself for what has happened, but also annoyed that my hard work has been made redundant. I've been trying to get the extra few pounds off since, but I'm still not in a great place and gaining over the last few months has made me miserable and I have no motivation left cos I'm losing faith in my ability to do this. Because of all of this, I'm struggling with disordered eating habits again and know that ultimately this will not help. I've got exams at the moment, a year abroad to plan and a holiday at the start of July I want to look good for, so the clock is ticking and I'm stressed like mad and I don't know how to get through this. If I just lose three pounds or something, I think my motivation will come back, but getting there seems like forever away (even though that's ridiculous! It's three pounds for god's sake!).
I obviously know how to lose weight, I've done it before and I can do it again, but emotionally, how do other people stick to this without getting obsessed when you're having a really rough time and you're completely deflated? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance :]
P.s. I'm 148 lbs now

Replies

  • mewilmes
    mewilmes Posts: 44 Member
    I am not sure what your weight is now, but I think you must be very close to a healthy BMI. Is there some compelling reason (health-wise) to be at the lower end of the healthy BMI range? Could you decide that losing very slowly is okay? Are you getting help with emotional stuff? Good luck and hope you feel better and are more at peace.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    edited May 2015
    I would suggest addressing the depression and disordered eating by seeing a qualified physician or therapist. In reading your post, overeating seems more like a symptom than the underlying problem.
  • 1shauna1
    1shauna1 Posts: 993 Member
    All we can do is keep trying. I notice that since I'm older, it's much harder to drop pounds. So, while I'm working out and exercising more than I ever have before, and eating much better (although I still go over my calories some days), the weight is coming off very slowly. The best thing is to just take it one day at a time. If you focus on "how much you want to lose before your vacation", etc., you'll just drive yourself nuts. Can planning ahead help you to? Log everything for the day and then stick to it. Good luck, you can do this!
  • amandaiams
    amandaiams Posts: 73 Member
    Hey girl,

    I don't have an answer about staying motivated. But take comfort in knowing you're not alone. A few years ago I spent a year abroad and gained 30 lbs and was the heaviest I had been up until that point. I was 20 then, 5'9" and 189 lbs. When I came home, it took a year to lose the weight (but I did it the wrong way. I dated a guy, we broke up because I was "fat" and I lost my mind.) After we broke up, I spent weeks just not eating, and then I went to the gym every day. After the weight starting coming off, I became obsessed with the numbers. I ate less, worked out more. Worked out twice a day, ate a nibble here, a nibble there and presto! One year later, I was the smallest I had been at like 135.

    Since then, I was able to maintain my weight for a while until I got married, and I ballooned up to 186 again. But the difference is I'm happy with my life, except the weight. I suffer from anxiety and take Zoloft, and I find comfort in food which is my danger.

    Right now, I'm looking for the motivation. I'm learning what my triggers are, and that's a start. And I have to rethink about going to the gym. For me, going to the gym ALONE is my ME TIME! For the longest I've been begging my husband to work out with me, only to get annoyed and bicker the whole time which makes it just uncomfortable for both of us. As for food, alcohol and stress are my triggers. If I avoid alcohol, I naturally eat less. If I keep busy, I'm less inclined to eat from boredom.

    A lot of will power is needed. We don't always have it. Please remember that when you step on the scale, it's just numbers. Numbers don't define us. Numbers do not make us better people or worse people. I would recommend just ditching the scale and focusing on how you FEEL.
  • BellaGowrie
    BellaGowrie Posts: 45 Member
    No, it's not a health thing, but I've just wanted to lose a few vanity pounds for a while. Plus I have some great clothes that I want to fit in again haha :] I have been seeing doctors and psychiatrists for a long time now and I have bipolar disorder which I'm learning to manage at the moment, but my eating habits directly link to my mood so I guess once I'm better at dealing with that, I'll be more able to eat healthily.
    I think you're right, I need to stop putting time limits on my goals and just do it very slowly and one day at a time. I've done planning ahead before and it did help, so I'll give it a go this week! Thanks to everyone for their replies :]
  • BellaGowrie
    BellaGowrie Posts: 45 Member
    amandaiams wrote: »
    ...

    Thank you so much for your post! Helped me realise I'm not alone in this situation :] The triggers thing is definitely something I need to be aware of - sadly it's always when I'm with friends and they want to go for pizza or get takeaway and I'm easily persuaded because I struggle to say no to anyone :/ Something to work on there. And the scales thing is a great thing to keep in mind, I'll remember that :]

  • jroelofs777
    jroelofs777 Posts: 3 Member
    For me, I think the best thing is to set the stage for success and then move my focus off myself to others. If I have good food around and am not busy thinking about myself I find that I am much more successful. And last but not least, take it easy on yourself. Look at yourself through other's eyes. No one else cares about the three pounds you're obsessing over. They care how you make them feel, and you're only as good to others as you are to yourself. Best wishes!
  • BellaGowrie
    BellaGowrie Posts: 45 Member
    That's really true and a great perspective to have. You're so right haha, I'm definitely gonna remind myself of that when I'm having a bad day, thank you!
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    BellaGowrie wrote: »
    Hey everyone :] Basically, last year I properly started committing to losing weight, and I lost about 20 lbs and felt awesome. I wasn't totally at my goal, but I was happier with how I looked (20, 5'6, 138 lbs). In October last year, I began to hit a rough patch with my mental health and started obsessing about my weight and what I was eating, and I lost a few more pounds until I realised that it was becoming dangerous and I had an unhealthy mindset and needed to stop. I avoided MFP for a few months, but was maintaining at about 141 lbs until the end of January.
    However, by March, I had put on 8 lbs and felt horrendous. I was really struggling with depression, and eating crap and not leaving the house was obviously leading to me feeling worse and putting on weight. Since then I have just felt awful, trying to not blame myself for what has happened, but also annoyed that my hard work has been made redundant. I've been trying to get the extra few pounds off since, but I'm still not in a great place and gaining over the last few months has made me miserable and I have no motivation left cos I'm losing faith in my ability to do this. Because of all of this, I'm struggling with disordered eating habits again and know that ultimately this will not help. I've got exams at the moment, a year abroad to plan and a holiday at the start of July I want to look good for, so the clock is ticking and I'm stressed like mad and I don't know how to get through this. If I just lose three pounds or something, I think my motivation will come back, but getting there seems like forever away (even though that's ridiculous! It's three pounds for god's sake!).
    I obviously know how to lose weight, I've done it before and I can do it again, but emotionally, how do other people stick to this without getting obsessed when you're having a really rough time and you're completely deflated? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance :]
    P.s. I'm 148 lbs now

    Bella, you are on the right track with the realization that you have disordered issues regarding food and weight. I suggest asking your doctor for a referral to a therapist.
  • BellaGowrie
    BellaGowrie Posts: 45 Member
    I mentioned it to a doctor and she said 'Well are you eating?' and I said Yeah, I just sometimes under and overeat, and my thoughts about weight and food are often pretty unhealthy. Her response was along the lines of 'you're not thin and you're eating so it's fine' :/ The psychiatrist's response was 'try to eat more healthily'. Not seen the best people of late :/
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    Might I suggest getting some more cute outfits in your current size and have a going away party for the vanity outfits?

    Read up on all or nothing thinking and 80/20 goals. If you hit your target 80 percent of the time you are doing good.

    At your age I would love to see you enjoy your body, youth and vitality as long as possible. If you use MFP use it to sort out your maintenance calories and your normal weight fluctuations.
  • BellaGowrie
    BellaGowrie Posts: 45 Member
    jgnatca wrote: »
    ...

    Thanks for your help! Yeah, I might buy myself some more clothes in this size to try to make myself realise that I look good at this weight too. And I'll read up on that, thank you!

  • shadowfax_c11
    shadowfax_c11 Posts: 1,942 Member
    Sweetie. The world won't end if you don't loose the weight by vacation time. You are still going to have a great trip no matter how much you weigh. You have to ask yourself, "What is the absolute worst thing that can happen if I don't reach my goal by x date? Will I die? Will I loose my job, home, SO et?" Will not loosing weight have any real significant impact on my ability to live my life in a reasonably comfortable way? Will it harm another person?"

    Thing is. Being significantly over weight can have some big impacts on us as far as health problems go. But for most of us there is time to address the issue. Our weight does not make us happy or unhappy. A fat person can be just as happy or more happy than a thin person. A fat person can enjoy a vacation as much as a thin person. What you look like does not determine who you are.

    Nobody on the planet is 100% happy with their body. The trick I think is to accept that your body is yours. Unique from every other body in the world. It is the house you live in while you are here so you may as well take the best care of it that you can. But when the time comes to leave it behind, there is not going to be someone saying, "Sure she was a nice person but, it's too bad she never lost that last 10 pounds."

    Big picture dear. Don't get trapped in your own head. :)
  • spicy618
    spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
    I wish I was 148. Lol
    Take good care of yourself.
  • juleszephyr
    juleszephyr Posts: 442 Member
    At 148 and 5'6" you are well within your healthy BMI range so my guess is that you need to address the depression and not the weight. You seem to have some body issues which once the depression is being dealt with would be better addressed by exercise to make your feel more confident, improve your posture and body composition. Your priority should be your mental health...
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    My mother was bipolar so I've read up on it and personally observed what works. If you were to pick a mental illness, this is the one most easily controlled by medication. One tip that I thought was brilliant is to track your mood on a scale, say, of one to ten to become aware of your patterns. Check out imood journal app.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    BellaGowrie wrote: »
    I mentioned it to a doctor and she said 'Well are you eating?' and I said Yeah, I just sometimes under and overeat, and my thoughts about weight and food are often pretty unhealthy. Her response was along the lines of 'you're not thin and you're eating so it's fine' :/ The psychiatrist's response was 'try to eat more healthily'. Not seen the best people of late :/

    Then you need to find another doctor or ask for a referral to a therapist who specializes in issues around food and body image.
  • BellaGowrie
    BellaGowrie Posts: 45 Member
    Thank you so much everyone for your advice. I know you're right about keeping perspective and it just not being a big deal, and health comes first. I'm starting some new treatment at the moment, so hopefully that will alleviate the symptoms and I'll be able to focus on getting better instead of getting bogged down thinking about my weight etc. I'll definitely bear all of your help in mind - thank you all!
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