When others think their way is ALWAYS right!
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chubbard9
Posts: 565 Member
So this is a bit of a rant, but it is something that has been getting under my skin for a while... Despite the fact that I LOVE my brother with all my heart, he has been extremely critical of my approach to weight loss.
After he had finished High School, he was set on a mission to join the Army, but in order to do so he had to lose +/- 100lbs. He did-He ran daily, ate smaller portions, and worked a full time car washing job that year. He lost it all, but ultimately ended up looking at other options besides the army. He has kept this weight off for ~3years.
So here comes me. I have roughly 70lbs to my goal weight(having lost 30 so far), and my brother is critical in the sense of every time I make dinner, I weigh and measure my portions to ensure I'm getting accurate calories. I walk, go to the gym when possible, and try to get as much activity in as possible... This is his feedback:
-I didn't have to count calories to lose weight. You're not going to lose by counting calories"
-"Walking is NOT exercise." (this is his honest belief. I wish I could show him all the success people on here have by counting calories and just walking daily!)
-"Oh, mom, she can't have this. You didn't WEIGH it before you cooked it" *sneers*
-"You're not allowed to have dessert. You won't lose weight" *sneer*
-Oh, that's a hefty smoothie.. Too much stuff in it! Try it with peanut butter, chocolate ice cream, oatmeal, protein powder(Hey, no. I don't want 800calories of that crap! I'd rather stick to my ~300calorie smoothie that has plenty of protein and fruits in it!!!)
So in all, it's just a very negative vibe I am CONSTANTLY getting from him. I know he wants to support me, in some sense, but he is doing a terrible job. He is constantly doubting my ability to stay on track(I've been at this for three months, and I've lost 33lbs, I think my way is working for me)
I just want to vent. It's very frustrating to have a constant person doubting everything. I will eat my desert if I want to, I will splurge occasionally, and if all I do is walk one day, then at least I'm off my a** and not sitting around doing nothing! I know there will always be someone out there doubting your success, but geezums! If it works for me, why knock it!!??
*sorry for any spelling/grammar errors. Totally beat today!*
After he had finished High School, he was set on a mission to join the Army, but in order to do so he had to lose +/- 100lbs. He did-He ran daily, ate smaller portions, and worked a full time car washing job that year. He lost it all, but ultimately ended up looking at other options besides the army. He has kept this weight off for ~3years.
So here comes me. I have roughly 70lbs to my goal weight(having lost 30 so far), and my brother is critical in the sense of every time I make dinner, I weigh and measure my portions to ensure I'm getting accurate calories. I walk, go to the gym when possible, and try to get as much activity in as possible... This is his feedback:
-I didn't have to count calories to lose weight. You're not going to lose by counting calories"
-"Walking is NOT exercise." (this is his honest belief. I wish I could show him all the success people on here have by counting calories and just walking daily!)
-"Oh, mom, she can't have this. You didn't WEIGH it before you cooked it" *sneers*
-"You're not allowed to have dessert. You won't lose weight" *sneer*
-Oh, that's a hefty smoothie.. Too much stuff in it! Try it with peanut butter, chocolate ice cream, oatmeal, protein powder(Hey, no. I don't want 800calories of that crap! I'd rather stick to my ~300calorie smoothie that has plenty of protein and fruits in it!!!)
So in all, it's just a very negative vibe I am CONSTANTLY getting from him. I know he wants to support me, in some sense, but he is doing a terrible job. He is constantly doubting my ability to stay on track(I've been at this for three months, and I've lost 33lbs, I think my way is working for me)
I just want to vent. It's very frustrating to have a constant person doubting everything. I will eat my desert if I want to, I will splurge occasionally, and if all I do is walk one day, then at least I'm off my a** and not sitting around doing nothing! I know there will always be someone out there doubting your success, but geezums! If it works for me, why knock it!!??
*sorry for any spelling/grammar errors. Totally beat today!*
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Replies
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He sounds obnoxious. Do you live with him?0
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Have you told him how he makes you feel? You could even be nice about it. I would go with something more in-his-face, like "Why are you always sh***ing on my eating habits?" "If you're going to be an *kitten* to me, just STFU."0
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That's absurd. It's one thing to have a discussion about nutrition - just in general and whatnot - but to bring it to the level of shaming you is completely wrong.0
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Look him dead in the eye and say "I'm doing it how I want to, so shut your pie hole".0
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All you can do is prove him wrong.
If he were my brother, I would want to kick him in the shins too.
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I think you've answered your own question; he did it HIS way so he thinks HIS way is the RIGHT way-thus the ONLY way.
People are funny- they just want to be right!
Perhaps if you just tell him that what he managed to do is awesome, but you want to find your own way to what is right for you.
I had a sister in law who was a Negative Nellie and she about drove me crazy, lol. If anyone did something differently than the way she did something, she assumed that person was deeming her way wrong. It was even over stupid stuff- I remember her telling me I was making a peanut butter + jelly sandwich the 'wrong way'. Seriously, she said that! I put both toppings on the same piece of bread and then put the top piece of bread on top and she thought that was wrong, wrong, wrong!
I don't think you're going to accomplish much by arguing with your brother. Perhaps just tell him that you've found a way that works for you and you'll be sure to ask his advise IF and WHEN you need it.
Way to go on the losses so far!0 -
At the end of the day who walks away angry? You do. He knows what he is doing to you. Learn not to show a response to his behavior and he will eventually get bored and stop. If you don't care about his opinion it won't bother you. Highly annoying. And yes, I have had to do something similar myself. Not easy but it works, kind of like training a dog except they are smarter.0
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azulvioleta6 wrote: »All you can do is prove him wrong.
If he were my brother, I would want to kick him in the shins too.
This, just show him. Use it as motivation!
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Yes. It's like 24/7 in my face... Except for when he works!He sounds obnoxious. Do you live with him?
I would LOVEEE to tell him off, but he's just 80% a**hole, and I just try to shrug it off, even though it makes my blood boil!Have you told him how he makes you feel? You could even be nice about it. I would go with something more in-his-face, like "Why are you always sh***ing on my eating habits?" "If you're going to be an *kitten* to me, just STFU."
It's like he constantly wants to make fun, like what I am doing is a total "joke". But what makes it worse, is if I turn down food at a family gathering, he'll bring up the fact that I'm trying to lose weight, and make it rather embarassing... He's been kind of a jerk off/on my whole life, and I love him, but it kills metedboosalis7 wrote: »That's absurd. It's one thing to have a discussion about nutrition - just in general and whatnot - but to bring it to the level of shaming you is completely wrong.
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I think you've answered your own question; he did it HIS way so he thinks HIS way is the RIGHT way-thus the ONLY way.
People are funny- they just want to be right!
Perhaps if you just tell him that what he managed to do is awesome, but you want to find your own way to what is right for you.
I had a sister in law who was a Negative Nellie and she about drove me crazy, lol. If anyone did something differently than the way she did something, she assumed that person was deeming her way wrong. It was even over stupid stuff- I remember her telling me I was making a peanut butter + jelly sandwich the 'wrong way'. Seriously, she said that! I put both toppings on the same piece of bread and then put the top piece of bread on top and she thought that was wrong, wrong, wrong!
I don't think you're going to accomplish much by arguing with your brother. Perhaps just tell him that you've found a way that works for you and you'll be sure to ask his advise IF and WHEN you need it.
Way to go on the losses so far!
Funny thing is, is that I have been trying to inch in like that - "I've been losing weight, I'm not losing too fast, and I'm going at the right pace. I don't think your way is wrong, but I find that for me, it's much simpler to count my calories and eat at a deficit." I swear, the only thing we agree on is that you can only lose weight at a deficit, but his idea of finding a deficit is total opposite of mine. He can figure his portions, and I would eat a whole chicken if it was in front of me, and still figure "hey, it's healthy"... I know, that for me, that does not work, and weighing/logging food is the only way I will stay on point!0 -
Sounds like a jerk so you are probably not going to change him. So just ignore him and prove him wrong!0
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I'm having the same issue with someone that I work with occasionally. She started seeing a dietician around the same time I started MFP and her dietician has her doing crazy things that I couldn't do and wouldn't be able to stick with (i.e. eating nothing but dark green leafy vegetables for a week) but it works for her and this works for me (plus I got to eat the cookies someone brought in for lunch while she ate her steamed kale). I just let her know that I'm losing and she is losing and that everyone has their own way of doing things.
I also had to talk her down about my relationship. She was giving me advice and didn't believe me when I told her that my boyfriend was faithful and that I wasn't worried about him cheating on me, but that's another story.0 -
Your brother sounds in a way insecure. Bullies often need somebody to put down in order to make them feel better.
Maybe he sees you loosing weight and if you can do it your way too that would make him feel as if his achievement was less impressive? Nonsense of course but often these types of behaviours are really not about the one being put down, but about the one putting down. Besides when you achieve what you set out to achieve he has to find a new bully victim and that too is scary to him.
I must say though if you both still love at home, then there must be a role for the parents too. They too should stand up to one child bullying the other.
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