How do I say it politely?

Margy82
Margy82 Posts: 63
edited September 18 in Health and Weight Loss
I am getting really tired of people pushing cakes and cookies and junk on me, and getting offended when I say “no thank you, I am on a diet.” People say, “you look fine, you don’t need to lose weight, one piece won’t hurt you, or tomorrow is a new day.” Or they say, “You don’t need to diet, just eat right and exercise.” People don’t understand I have been eat according to the Canadian food guide for a year, and I have been exercising and I have been able to maintain my current weight, but according to the doctor I am overweight, and need to lose 40 lbs. Honestly people don’t notice how big I am until I start losing it because I gain weight evenly everywhere. When I was 210lbs, people said the same things, until I lost 60 lbs, then they started saying how great I looked. Anyways. How do I say no to crappy food that I don’t want to eat and be polite? I used to just eat it to make them happy but then I would feel guilty for eating it after. What do I do? PLEASE HELP!

Replies

  • Margy82
    Margy82 Posts: 63
    I am getting really tired of people pushing cakes and cookies and junk on me, and getting offended when I say “no thank you, I am on a diet.” People say, “you look fine, you don’t need to lose weight, one piece won’t hurt you, or tomorrow is a new day.” Or they say, “You don’t need to diet, just eat right and exercise.” People don’t understand I have been eat according to the Canadian food guide for a year, and I have been exercising and I have been able to maintain my current weight, but according to the doctor I am overweight, and need to lose 40 lbs. Honestly people don’t notice how big I am until I start losing it because I gain weight evenly everywhere. When I was 210lbs, people said the same things, until I lost 60 lbs, then they started saying how great I looked. Anyways. How do I say no to crappy food that I don’t want to eat and be polite? I used to just eat it to make them happy but then I would feel guilty for eating it after. What do I do? PLEASE HELP!
  • MIDGEKIN
    MIDGEKIN Posts: 113
    First of all I SHARE YOUR PAIN!! I say the best way to avoid comments like that is to completely ommit the word DIET!! If someone offers you something, just say "No thanks." there is no explaination necessary!! I think the word diet has such a negative connotation to it and people, especially those who either one think they already have a great body, or two, are self concisous about their own and they tend to want to bring others down with them so they don't feel as bad about eating it! Now I'm not saying EVERYONE is llike that but I find it to be pretty common so my advice is to just say "No thanks" and end it there. GOOD LUCK :smile:
  • deanea
    deanea Posts: 1,437
    I think that all of us would agree that we have encountered people like that, and unfortunately some of those people are our close family that should be there to encourage us. It comes down to, if they are not in the situation themselves, it is very had for them to understand,. You must be patient with them. It should be that they are patient with our goals, but it doesn't seem to fly that way. Forgive there lack of understanding, hold your ground and remember...number one, we understand at MFP come vent to us anytime, and number two, when they keep packing on the weight and making excuses for stuffing in that baked goods you are getting healthy, slim and feeling strong!
  • filergirl
    filergirl Posts: 240
    I think I understand your dilemma. I am 5'4 and 130 lbs. I started at 140. I have not been able to budge the last 5-10 lbs to get to my "comfortable" weight. But I constantly have people pushing food on me and saying "you don't need to lose more weight. You look skinny. (I am not "skinny" by any stretch of the imagination). It would be difficult to explain to them how hard it is for me to even maintain my current weight. I can't even make my boyfriend understand.

    The smaller you get, the more you'll have everyone else try to make you accept "good enough." Right now I look "good enough" but don't feel comfortable. Judge yourself by your own standards.

    Unfortunately, there's no way to be polite except to flat-out lie. Make up any excuse you feel like. That works for strangers or casual acquaintances. With the people close to you, it's more complicated. If they can' t understand why your weight-loss goal is important, you need to ask them to be supportive, anyway. I'm still working on that with my boyfriend. It's great that he thinks I look good, but it's not about him, and it's not for him.
  • Nich0le
    Nich0le Posts: 2,906 Member
    If you ask me it is their problem that they get offended if you don't want their food. They will get over it, if they don't there is something wrong with them. I would just say No thanks or maybe later and leave it at that, you don't need to explain yourself to anyone. If you don't want to hurt feelings and it is someone you see all the time or whatever you should go to that person one on one and explain that you are trying to follow your doctors advice and that you appreciate the gesture but you really need to get healthy. It isn't easy to make a change to improve yourself, there are always people who invalidate others, some don't even realize they are doing it but you have to do what is right for you. good luck.
  • lockedcj7
    lockedcj7 Posts: 257 Member
    Stop being polite. Seriously.

    I make an effort to be surly at work so that few people stop me for a chat and even fewer feel free to ask for a favor. The result is that I get more work done and have less stress because of it. Anyone who really knows me, knows that I will give them the shirt off my back but you have to earn your way in by not wasting my time.

    If you're not comfortable doing that, you can always tell them that you're diabetic. That usually shuts them up without further comment or hard feelings.
  • CamCam
    CamCam Posts: 43
    take it, smile, say thank you and when they leave wrap it up in some tissue and throw it right out.
  • wkoon76
    wkoon76 Posts: 22
    Don't worry about them being offended. You're doing it to better your health, and if they can't understand that then maybe they're not the kind of people you need to be around then anyways.
  • deanea
    deanea Posts: 1,437
    take it, smile, say thank you and when they leave wrap it up in some tissue and throw it right out.

    I often take it and tell them I'll eat it later "I just ate", and if it looks worth it, because some home baked good are, I try to fit it in my calories, if it's not worth it I too throw it out.:bigsmile:
  • AndreaMMil
    AndreaMMil Posts: 165
    Polite? What's that?
    Tell 'em you're allergic to stupidity. :devil:
  • jmehalic
    jmehalic Posts: 9
    Wow, I think this is such a common problem that we all face when we're trying to watch what we eat. I do find that most of the time if I say, "Oh, that looks really good, but no thanks," most people will leave it alone. When I'm watching what I eat I try to let the people close to me know right away and will even ask them not to offer me tempting goodies and warn them that I'll be saying "no thanks" a lot if they do. If someone I don't know well gets offended by my refusal to eat their cookies, I'm not to worried, since we weren't close in the first place. Remember that your health is REALLY important and people who care about you will understand that. Good luck!
  • JPRexRun
    JPRexRun Posts: 27 Member
    As a First Grade teacher, it's almost impossible to turn down all of the birthday cupcakes, but I tell them to leave it on my desk, and into the garbage (frosting-side down!) it goes! It's hard, but I used to be suckered into it, and I just felt so awful afterwards because it triggers the needing sugar!
  • byeuboy
    byeuboy Posts: 25
    That happened to us just last night. My brother in-law and his wife called saying they were on their way back home from St. Louis back to Minnesota and wanted to stop in, say hi, and take us to dinner. We alrady had dinner planned, didn't apreciate the short notice, and besides, they wanted to go to Red Robin for a greasy burger. We just told them no thanks, dinner was already in the works, and besides, our doctor had requested that we stay away from eating out for awhile (which he really did). They stopped in, said hello, we chatted for awhile, then they went to dinner. We grilled some chicken on the George Foreman and and ate a salad. My doctor would be so proud. FYI, my brother in-law and his wife could stand to miss a few high fat meals anyway. The lesson here, stay on track, think about yourself, and be proud you avoided temptation.
  • Jubilee
    Jubilee Posts: 24 Member
    Don't you just HATE it when people say " you don't need to lose any weight". Nobody but you, sees yourself in the broad daylight, naked. Of course you wear clothes that aren't going to make you look chunky if at all possible. My husband even says I look great, he "thinks" he's seen me au naturel, but really, do you think I'm not gonna suck in and show only the "good" angles of myself to him, and in the broad daylight? NEVER!!!. No body has any real idea.
  • Jubilee
    Jubilee Posts: 24 Member
    Sorry, slightly off subject but I just had to vent LOL
  • diannholland1965
    diannholland1965 Posts: 782 Member
    I tell them I am alergic to sugar, and that it gives me a head ach. That does the trick for me. :wink:
    --Diann...
  • dulceluva
    dulceluva Posts: 728 Member
    I totally share your views too. I rememeber a few years ago (after everyone calling me big, fat and ugly) that I dropped 50 lbs. A couple yrs later (and many countless drama sitautions occured) and I was gaining it back (very slowly mind you) and people would offer me this and want to go here and eat this and do that and I would always so..."no I can't, I need to watch my figure" and everyone would call my crazy and be like, "why, you are thin, you can have one bite, its not going to hurt you". Sometimes I wish people would just not verbalize everything...you don't know waht I am going through on the inside and I really dont feel like blaming any one else for my weight gain but here I am 70lbs heavier...why?!?!?!? Why?!?! Because so many people told me not to worry and that i look fine and then I started to beleive them and there went all my good habits (and yes, it is totally my fault for gaining it back) but ......... ok enough.

    Point taken...

    :laugh:

    I do share your pain.
  • Kate
    Kate Posts: 35 Member
    I agree that it helps to avoid the "diet" word with those kinds of people. The best thing is to smile politely and say "no thankyou"...and if they persist keep saying it. Eventually they will "get it"
  • goochinator
    goochinator Posts: 383 Member
    I've never had this problem, but I heard of a woman who worked with a ton of bad/obnoxious food pushers....her response finally was " Would you shove a bottle under the nose of an alcoholic" ( or something to that effect) and low and behold, the pushing stopped!!

    I'd say No, thank you and leave it at that. If they push, push back. Seriously- this is your health you are arguing for!!
    Stay strong and dont worry about offending others.
  • sophialittle
    sophialittle Posts: 344 Member
    i'm half afraid to defend the people, judging from others' comments (lol) but i'm going to be brave and just share my experience. :tongue: in my experience, the people who are offering me stuff are used to seeing me eat stuff like that. like yesterday, i went to my grandparents' house and they offered me chinese food and i said no thanks. then they offered me candy. :laugh: the people who knew me pre-calorie counting, know that i would have ate that stuff in a heartbeat! so i know that in my case, they were offering stuff that i would normally have ate. they didn't have any idea how much it made me want to scream inside and lick up every speckle of food!:explode: so maybe give them the benefit of the doubt when they offer and just say no thanks. also, if you want to provide an brief explanation, i just say i'm watching my cals, not dieting. then they just are jerks if they make up their minds for you that you look fine! :happy: once i told my grandparents that i was watching my cals, they quit offering food and offered some of the "good ole ways" to lose weight. happy monday everyone! (if there is such a thing!) :yawn:
  • dulceluva
    dulceluva Posts: 728 Member
    i'm half afraid to defend the people, judging from others' comments (lol) but i'm going to be brave and just share my experience. :tongue: in my experience, the people who are offering me stuff are used to seeing me eat stuff like that. like yesterday, i went to my grandparents' house and they offered me chinese food and i said no thanks. then they offered me candy. :laugh: the people who knew me pre-calorie counting, know that i would have ate that stuff in a heartbeat! so i know that in my case, they were offering stuff that i would normally have ate. they didn't have any idea how much it made me want to scream inside and lick up every speckle of food!:explode: so maybe give them the benefit of the doubt when they offer and just say no thanks. also, if you want to provide an brief explanation, i just say i'm watching my cals, not dieting. then they just are jerks if they make up their minds for you that you look fine! :happy: once i told my grandparents that i was watching my cals, they quit offering food and offered some of the "good ole ways" to lose weight. happy monday everyone! (if there is such a thing!) :yawn:

    I understand what you are saying.

    But to defend myself...or maybe my brother would, he would always be the one saying, "oh no, she eats really really healthy, she doesn't eat any of that stuff" and then they would get the hint and be like, okay, so I won't offer you those foods anymore.

    It's like, when I tried to say no politely, why did you still force it upon me??

    But that is life though. We all have different experiences in life.
  • lotusfromthemud
    lotusfromthemud Posts: 5,335 Member
    I have food "issues", as well as being careful about what I eat, I have several allergies and I've tried all kinds of explanations for everything. Here's what works the best.

    "No. Thankyou." end of story. No one needs an explanation.

    I find it interesting that food is the last domain of pushers. Can you imagine someone offering you a cigarette, you saying no, thankyou and them telling you "C'mon. . . you don't have emphysema yet. . .have a cigarette." Or a drink. Or a drug.
  • hmmmm
    hmmmm Posts: 607 Member
    lol:laugh: this is exactly what my fiance does. I love:heart: him to death, I have learned just recently that i have to say no. He will ask me at least 5 times if i am hungry even after i tell him no. He tries to push food on me,:noway: i think because he knows that i will get the instant gratification. But afterwards it just depresses me.:frown: I know he means well but its time to take my stand or I will never lose weight. So I have found a few of my own tricks when this happens. I try to always have something healthy on hand to counter his cravings or i will revamp :devil: what he wants into a healthier version for me. Gosh I am jealous that I can no longer eat like him,:ohwell: but i wont be after i see what my determination will do for my body!!!!:glasses:
  • flachix
    flachix Posts: 256 Member
    Why be polite? they are trying to poison you, to undermine your hard work only for their own gratification. tell them, no thanks, you don't eat crap. take a serving, march it right over to the trash and toss it where it belongs. its garbage. why worry about their feelings? they aren't considering yours are they?
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