Hello fellow ex alcoholics :)

I feel i have the need to talk to some fellow ex addicts, mainly because i never expected from everything i have done that alcohol would have made such an impact in my life.

Ofc like every addict in the beginning i thought i had it under control and i could stop easy at any moment.

Ive been drinking pretty much since i was 16 (turned 35 last month) but that was only in the weekends, smoking weed, smoking tabacco, every now and then on (dutch) hardcore parties some xtc and every now and then some coke.

Now the X and coke never really stuck with me but the alcohol did slowly. I became homeless in my early 20's and moved from place to place, work to work and then when i finally thought "i need help" i ended up in a homeless shelter for the first time when i was 26. From there on i almost drunk daily but small amounts, just to get that buzz.

2010 after been in shelters several times, past haunting me, failed relationships i once again ended up in a shelter but this time determined to solve my past. It has been a long road but after sticking with it i have my own apartment again since dec.2014, and have worked out my debts that i have 2,5 yrs left.

But, since 2010 i have been boosing like crazy, pretty much to feel something, i dropped several times into depression cause i would get frustrated by my past, having no mom and dad or family and then i would feel dead inside so i would grab the whiskey again to at least feel something and feel nice for a little while. This went from 1-2 times in the week to every other day for the past 2 years.

Now you would think having one family where a uncle and aunt died before they were 30 cause of drugs abuse and a grandfather i never knew that was a alcoholic i would know better,
but I would go hardcore, start off with a bottle of cheap whiskey, after i would drink anything i would get my hands on, beer, wine, rum etc.

This went on till last month, when im totally wasted i would message friends with total bs and dont remember it the next day and the last time i said some really bad *kitten* to a female friend of mine who is the gf of one of my best mates.

Now they have forgiven me but that was the moment i realised i really needed to change plus the weight i gained from all those sugars didnt really benefit my health either.

So, i have not touched any alcohol for almost 20 days and finished the first week of working out but it has been hard. Ive quite smoking for 9 months but that didnt cost me any problems, quitting alcohol is harder than i thought and i just wanted to see how my fellow ex addicts cope with it and how they are doing.

Hmm, i actually only wanted to type the last paragraph and not this whole story so sorry for the long story gheghe at least its out of my system