My life is on hold...

anbtjp · May 2015

...until I lose weight. I feel as though I am stuck inside my house until I lose weight. I have gained 70 lbs in 4 years and just 15 recently because I quit smoking. I currently weigh 230 lbs and fear leaving my house because I don't want anyone I know to see me. I have no clothes that fit and will not go shopping for new ones.

I have the summer off (no school or work) so I am focusing on exercising every day and eating healthy. I am struggling with not drinking alcohol because I had started drinking every day after my divorce four years ago, hence the 70 lb weight gain.

I am afraid that I will not drop weight quick enough and I will revert to my old ways because I will get anxious and depressed and start having some drinks again. No, I am not an alcoholic, I would have 2-3 beers a day to unwind, occasionally more, socially, on the weekends. I have social anxiety disorder so being around people has always been hard for me but now that I am obese it is almost impossible.

I fear that I am going to screw up my relationship with my boyfriend because I do not want to leave the house. His folks live in another state so we see them only a few times a year and I do not want to go see them until I lose weight.

I guess I just needed to vent because I am too embarrassed to talk to my boyfriend or anyone else about how ashamed I am that I gained so much weight. Everyone preaches "slow and steady" for weight loss but I feel like I need to lose weight fast so I can function in the world again.
I was wondering if anyone else felt extremely uncomfortable going out in public.

livingleanlivingclean · May 2015

You sound like you really want to succeed at this - that's one of the most important steps! I would really encourage you to talk to your partner.... He needs to know how you feel, and he should support you. Having him understand how you feel and what you want to achieve may help him to help you.

If you have any close friends you can talk to i would also talk to them - you may be pleasantly surprised at how supportive they are. You will need friends to lean on, and people to talk to if things get tough. Your friends are friends with you because of what's inside, not for what you look like! I'm sure they want you to get out of the house and enjoy things with them

allaboutthefood · May 2015

I do, but I push myself, I have 3 kids and they need their mom. When I started my journey I weighed in at 295, I am down to 263. It does sound like you need some help for your drinking, depression and anxiety, which only a professional can give you. I wish you much luck and success with your weight loss journey

bigelle16 · May 2015

I feel that way. I just don't have a choice. I have to go out in public. and I drink so I can deal with it. I just had a function this weekend where I had to shop in plus size so I could attend it, and I drank too much so I could get through it, and all the pictures were awful, but I couldn't NOT go. Every day I feel gross, and I feel like I cant get it back together. my weight fluctuates all the time, but maybe we can be encouragement for eachother

999tigger · May 2015

The problem is not how much you weigh, just mental in how much you deal with anxiety.

Hide if you want, but i dont believe you have things in perspective or its at all helpful for you.

It sucks , but maybe the person to get you out of the situation is you and that means making some choices in the real world which will require you to face up to things and eother commit or keep on hiding. Its your choice. There are people on this site who have gone from 300 and 400lbs down and although its not great being overweight it shuldnt stip you living your life. Its not that i dont have sympathy but you havent lost your legs , dont have cancer and you cna do soemthing about it.

One of the most popular ways to fail and make yourself miserable is by dieting with unrealistic expectations. If it took you 4 years to gain 70, then is it reasonable to expect it to lose it over the summer. 1lb a week is more reasonable rule of thumb, but healthy weight loss is 1-2lb a week, keep it up and you cna be most of the way there by Christmas. The point is it takes time, go too fast and you risk quitting losing excess muscle and being miserable.
Drink is calories, you cna have it if you can fit it into your allowance. Your aim is to be at a consistent deficit. Moderate the amount you drink or move more.
If you worry about not droppubg fast enough get soem realistic expectations to stop putting pressure on yourself. If you cnat commit long term then dont start until you cna see it though. Progress normally motivates.
You can exercise at home by doing youtube workouts if you cnat join a gym or just walking. You should do some resistance training as well.
The bf and not seeing his parents is soemthing youll need to see the Dr about or join a group contact a charity to deal with the social anxiety. Dont use it as a crutch for your weight loss.
Weight loss is straightforward. The only way you are going to change being less awkward about it is to do something and if you are then do it properly. Weigh and log your food so you are at consistent deficits. Dont make excuses and deal with your other issues by finding people who understand the condition and can give expert advice. From the weight loss journey then progress motivates and helps you feel you make progress.

Good luck

http://www.nopanic.org.uk/beginners-guide-anxiety/

http://www.social-anxiety.org.uk/

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-anxiety/Pages/Social-anxiety.aspx

http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/shynesssocialphobia.asp

http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/shynesssocialphobia.asp

anbtjp · May 2015

Thank you everyone for taking the time encourage me; it means so much! My boyfriend and my daughter are my only friends. I really have isolated myself.

I started working seriously on my health and weight loss last Monday and have been planning my meals and doing a little bit of exercise each day (small bike ride, walking doggy around the block, and leslie sansone walk video) - over the weekend my boyfriends children and his grandchildren were in town and came over for a bbq and for dinner and I had a bottle of wine in two nights. Other than that I haven't had any alcohol.

I am trying to get out of a bad cycle - depression/anxiety

>drinking---->weight gain---->depression/anxiety

At this point I am extremely focused and dedicated to losing weight and becoming more healthy and active. I just wish it would happen faster!!!!

anbtjp · May 2015

bigelle16 wrote: »

I feel that way. I just don't have a choice. I have to go out in public. and I drink so I can deal with it. I just had a function this weekend where I had to shop in plus size so I could attend it, and I drank too much so I could get through it, and all the pictures were awful, but I couldn't NOT go. Every day I feel gross, and I feel like I cant get it back together. my weight fluctuates all the time, but maybe we can be encouragement for eachother

I have totally been there!!! If I HAVE to go to a social function I have to go to the store to buy an outfit and I have to have drinks before so I can handle it.

anbtjp · May 2015

Unfortunately the problem is my weight. I have always had social anxiety and learned to function through counseling. Social anxiety is the fear of being judged...when I wasn't overweight I would be nervous but not to the point of having an anxiety attack. Now that I am obese just the thought of being around people who will judge my weight gain makes me sweat and cry.

I don't expect to lose 70lbs by September but I would like to lose enough weight that I can fit in to some of my clothes again. I really want to be down to 200lbs by then.

clsxplor · May 2015

You can do this.....for yourself! Join one of the groups on MFP to have some social interaction without having to face anyone in person until you feel ready. If you have had counseling for social anxiety you are aware that is is something you CAN deal with when you have to. I worry that you need alcohol to get through....I was there at one time. Sometimes that is considered self-medicating, which might indicate a need for some anxiety medication that a doctor can prescribe. Much better than trying to do it on your own, because anxiety is a serious disease. The weight loss will happen - it sounds like you truly want to do this for yourself, which is a huge step in the right direction.....once the wight starts coming off, you will feel better about yourself and your anxiety may lessen. Hang in there, join a group here where you can get encouragement, and KEEP IT UP!

999tigger · May 2015

Stop setting yourself targets until you understand about weight loss, what is and what is not possible. Whilsy i can see the two are linked id still look at each issue separately. For weight loss then you need to understand how to lose it effectively the same as everyone else. once you have that established then you cna see how to adapt the diet to deal with your anxiety problem.

How much do you weigh now? 3 months and you are looking in the region of 12-24lbs, but you might have some water weight boost and its all based on you managing your deficit effectively. Are you weighing your food and logging it all so you are at a consistent deficit? Exercise and progress will help substantially with depression and anxiety.

Saritarose · May 2015

Alcohol is just empty calories - I bet if you stop drinking you will notice a nice, satisfying loss right off the bat! That might help encourage you to keep pushing forward. It's great that you're taking steps to get back where you want to be!

I got up to over 255 (stopped weighing myself at that point, so who knows how bad it got!) and I'm now almost to 200... I was very slow going at first (2 years) because I wasn't really pushing myself at all, just making small changes here and there. Now I'm working out 5x/week and counting my calories and I've lost about 25lbs in the past 3 months. Having a date in mind and setting mini goals along the way can really help. (I'm having a hysterectomy at the end of July, so my goal has been to get to 185 before surgery.)

You can do it! And the more active you get, the better you will feel. Exercise has helped my anxiety 10000%!! When you feel anxious and want to drink or eat, go for a walk first (or do one of those Leslie videos). If you still want it when you're done, okay, go for it. But I bet 9 times out of 10 you'll come back feeling refreshed and happier and you will pass on the junk or drink, etc.

peachyfuzzle · May 2015

30lbs in four months is definitely doable. It will be difficult, but there is no reason why you can't get there if you're committed to doing so. Just remember that the more weight you lose, the slower your weightloss will go because you need less calories for your body to function at a lower weight. You can offset this somewhat by exercising more, and not eating back those extra calories.

I know where you come from though. I have had social anxiety in one form, or another since I was a kid. I didn't realize how big I had become until I shot straight through 3XL shirts, and started fitting into 4XL. I didn't want to leave the house, and half of my personality is already that of "**** it" toward just about everything, so it was easy to just let myself keep sliding.

However, the other half of my personality is absolute industriousness with a heavy dose of personal responsibility. I had to force one half of my personality to stomp the other half into the ground.

I was in the midst of a six hour car trip on the night I decided to get healthy. When I pulled back into town, I went straight to the gym, and signed up for a membership. I started the next night after work, and I was utterly TERRIFIED the first time, and the second, and the third... and so on. I didn't get comfortable for at least a few weeks, and I still feel that rush of anxiety every time I first walk through the doors.

But, I stuck to it. I am down nearly 60lbs, and I continue to lose while getting more fit every day.

You can do it, but you have to take responsibility for yourself. Nobody else is going to do it for you, and nobody else can motivate you to do anything you're not committed to doing in the first place. Do it, and get it done, but never forget the way you currently feel so that you will do anything to not allow yourself to slip back to where you are now ever again.

bug1114 · May 2015

anbtjp wrote: »

I am struggling with not drinking alcohol because I had started drinking every day after my divorce four years ago, hence the 70 lb weight gain. I am afraid that I will not drop weight quick enough and I will revert to my old ways because I will get anxious and depressed and start having some drinks again. No, I am not an alcoholic, I would have 2-3 beers a day to unwind, occasionally more, socially, on the weekends.

No one can tell you that you are an alcoholic, but what you described above is alcoholic behavior. Drinking on a daily basis because of anxiety or depression is a slippery slope that can lead to alcoholism.

You mentioned that you learned to live with your social anxiety through counseling when you were not overweight. Have you thought about starting up counseling again? I know that you said you don't want to leave your house, but having a licensed professional to talk to may help you. I have anxiety (general, not social) myself, so I know how horrible panic attacks are. The best thing I ever did for myself was to go and see someone about it. There is nothing wrong with talking to someone, or even being prescribed anxiety/depression medication if you need it. Losing weight will help you feel better about yourself, but it will not totally fix these problems. You have work to do on the inside as well (we all do), otherwise this cycle will continue forever for you. Besides that, you shouldn't have a support system of just two people (your boyfriend and your daughter). Family is of course there to support you, but when you don't have anyone else, you wind up putting a lot of pressure on them and it can strain relationships or create a situation of co-dependency.

Something I just wanted to note - Not everyone who sees you will judge you. Some people will, well, because some people are A-holes. And from what I've found, those people will judge you whether you are underweight, normal, or overweight. But there are a ton of people out there (like those that you meet here on MFP) that don't think one bad thought when they see someone who is overweight, because they have been there themselves and they know how you feel.

Saritarose · May 2015

peachyfuzzle wrote: »

... and half of my personality is already that of "**** it" toward just about everything, so it was easy to just let myself keep sliding.

However, the other half of my personality is absolute industriousness with a heavy dose of personal responsibility. I had to force one half of my personality to stomp the other half into the ground.

Sounds so much like me!
I'm one half OCD/control freak/responsible and the other half used to be of the "**** it" variety. I think I've stomped that down to about 10% now. lol

basia_a · May 2015

anbtjp wrote: »

Thank you everyone for taking the time encourage me; it means so much! My boyfriend and my daughter are my only friends. I really have isolated myself.

I started working seriously on my health and weight loss last Monday and have been planning my meals and doing a little bit of exercise each day (small bike ride, walking doggy around the block, and leslie sansone walk video) - over the weekend my boyfriends children and his grandchildren were in town and came over for a bbq and for dinner and I had a bottle of wine in two nights. Other than that I haven't had any alcohol.

I am trying to get out of a bad cycle - depression/anxiety
>drinking---->weight gain---->depression/anxiety

At this point I am extremely focused and dedicated to losing weight and becoming more healthy and active. I just wish it would happen faster!!!!

All we can do is a little at a time so you are on the right track. Keep it up. Just remember weight loss is a journey and a commitment to a life style change. There will be ups and downs and all you can do is keep positive and focused on moving forward .

My life is on hold...

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