Trouble getting started

I don't look at it as dieting. I don't want to go back to old eating habits. That's what got me to needing to lose almost 100 lbs. I feel better when I eat better.

I struggle sometimes with going to the gym. Sure it would be easier not going, but I love how I feel afterwards. I have never regretted going, but have regretted not going.

Iv started so many times and either had life creep in and happen or I just decided wine at night was more important than the whole calorie counting thing.
I guess what makes this time different is my perspective has completely changed. I have lost both my parents in the space of 18 months. I have two kids who rely on me. I have no one to rely on but myself and I'm not going to lie, it's gut wrenchingly sad at times.... but Iv decided to also be empowered by it. That and I had a minor stroke at 35. Bit of a wake up call. Nothing says 'what the *kitten* are you doing to yourself' like landing on a hospital wing with people 2.5 times your age!
You don't need the gym to start. I use fitness blender, I walk, do 30 day shred videos on YouTube with cans of food for weights.
Start by setting your calories to lose 1 pound a week and make small changes each week. Eat an extra piece of fruit instead on the bag of chips, walk 5 minutes longer in your walks, make the decision for yourself to stay within your calorie allowance each day. Or don't, and stay the same.
I just honestly think life is too short to spend it being miserable due to something that you have the power to change.

Best of luck.