Comment from coworker
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sorry quicksylver was trying to post to original
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date and time stamp it with a complaint to your supervisor via email and cc the co-worker on it so that it IS on record and she knows you aren't taking anyone's *kitten*... WE teach people how to treat ourselves.. NOT saying anything or bringing it to your superior's attention teaches this person that YOU can be talked to and treated this way... saying something... says to everyone YOU won't put up with that kind of behavior0
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2 words -- Human resources, 2 more words -- Unemployment line. Sounds like a real B!+(# to me, don't address it with her but do tell your human resources department. No need for you to get involved in work drama with shallow people who feel the need to talk horribly about others to try and make themselves feel better.
^^This^^ Harrassment is not acceptable in the workplace.0 -
RuefulRabbit wrote: »So twenty minutes later, I've decided to take the moral high-ground. I am going to ignore this person (other than the interaction I must have with her for work), and take it as motivation to keep up with my plan to lose weight and get healthier.
Unfortunately for making an HR complaint, being fat isn't a protected status.
While I do applaud you for taking the high ground and not retaliating with similar behavior, I will say this: what that person did is body shaming; it's bullying. These create a hostile work environment, which IS protected status under harassment guidelines. And HR rep worth their salt will address it when it's put like that! Go to your HR rep. Otherwise, this bully will think she/he can continue their hostile behavior--and that's how bullies win.0 -
I work in the personnel and accounts department at my job (we're a small office so it's all wrapped up in one), so I can tell you that you can take a complaint against the employee to HR and they will thoroughly investigate the matter.0
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I wouldve said "you dont look nearly as ignorant with your mouth shut" gah people are rude0
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deannasimon2 wrote: »And that comment was pure motivation for me to work harder.
After the shock wore off, I'd probably use it as motivation to make her eat her words. She who laughs last, laughs best.
I don't know if HR is warranted at this point. But I'd definitely send an email to my boss about the incident in order to document it and to let my boss know that if this type of behavior continues, you will DEFINITELY be taking it to HR. Following the proper chain of command can only help you should there be future incidents.
Good luck, and don't let the *kitten* get you down.
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I have a *kitten* like that at work, she's always telling me how fat I am, and I should lose weight. In the beginning it would bother me, and I would answer her back. Then, I just ignore her now. Funny thing is, she needs to lose at least 20 to 30 lbs herself. I don't let it bother me anymore, I take it from where it comes from. An old, bitter jerk. She was never married, I was twice, she's ten years older than me. And she's insignicant.0
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I don't even know what to tell you to say...I would be so angry!0
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I think this depends on your relationship with your co-worker before she made the comment.
If you two are typically friendly, then consider that some times people make mean spirited jabs in the name of fun, not realizing that it might hurt your feelings. If you two had a pretty good rapport before this, perhaps you can just let them know that the comment was hurtful to you and you might be surprised that they are shocked to hear it.
If it's someone that you do not have the best rapport with, then you should deal with it directly first. Tell the person that what they said was inappropriate and unacceptable and that they should refrain from making personal comments in the future.
After that if it continues, and it is affecting your work, go to HR.
I agree with Jeff. Handling the situation directly (and respectfully) shows that you demand respect for yourself and are a capable problem-solver. Going to HR without trying to handle the situation first makes you look like a person who likes to stir up trouble. I would email her (so you have documentation if it happens again, or she humiliates anyone else). You could say:
"[Rude Person's Name],
I have to admit, I was caught off guard when you made the comment regarding my weight this morning. We have not had many conversations before, and I'm sure you did not mean ill will. With that being said, I am the type of person who is not comfortable discussing my weight or physical appearance. However, please feel free to ask me any work-related questions, as I am happy to oblige.
Thank you,
RuefulRabbit
In order to be effective and professional, you should avoid discussing your weight at work. If she heard you and a bunch of co-workers talking about your weight, then you're allowing your weight to be a topic of discussion to anyone within ear's reach.
I would deal with it as per these two^^^^^^^^
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Some people are just plain rude!!0
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tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »I think this depends on your relationship with your co-worker before she made the comment.
If you two are typically friendly, then consider that some times people make mean spirited jabs in the name of fun, not realizing that it might hurt your feelings. If you two had a pretty good rapport before this, perhaps you can just let them know that the comment was hurtful to you and you might be surprised that they are shocked to hear it.
If it's someone that you do not have the best rapport with, then you should deal with it directly first. Tell the person that what they said was inappropriate and unacceptable and that they should refrain from making personal comments in the future.
After that if it continues, and it is affecting your work, go to HR.
I agree with Jeff. Handling the situation directly (and respectfully) shows that you demand respect for yourself and are a capable problem-solver. Going to HR without trying to handle the situation first makes you look like a person who likes to stir up trouble. I would email her (so you have documentation if it happens again, or she humiliates anyone else). You could say:
"[Rude Person's Name],
I have to admit, I was caught off guard when you made the comment regarding my weight this morning. We have not had many conversations before, and I'm sure you did not mean ill will. With that being said, I am the type of person who is not comfortable discussing my weight or physical appearance. However, please feel free to ask me any work-related questions, as I am happy to oblige.
Thank you,
RuefulRabbit
In order to be effective and professional, you should avoid discussing your weight at work. If she heard you and a bunch of co-workers talking about your weight, then you're allowing your weight to be a topic of discussion to anyone within ear's reach.
I would deal with it as per these two^^^^^^^^
I agree with this as well, but maybe for somewhat different reasons, and from a management perspective. If you're in the U.S., OP, there is a legal definition of hostile work environment, and yes, you do have to be in a protected class to claim it. It also must be pervasive, not just one or two incidents. And it must interfere with your ability to do your job. One of the first things management would do is ask if you let your objections be known directly to your coworker. If not, they will likely ask you to do that first. Since this doesn't seem to currently come under "hostile work environment," it's more an issue to direct to your immediate supervisor rather than directly with HR if your coworker continues to make these kinds of statements and does not respond to your (professionally stated and courteous) requests to stop. From a non management perspective, however, let me say that this person simply sucks.0 -
I had a coworker say "wow I thought you were around 35 " when hearing I am 25....I'm overweight maybe that ages me but that hurt a lot.0
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I think this depends on your relationship with your co-worker before she made the comment.
If you two are typically friendly, then consider that some times people make mean spirited jabs in the name of fun, not realizing that it might hurt your feelings. If you two had a pretty good rapport before this, perhaps you can just let them know that the comment was hurtful to you and you might be surprised that they are shocked to hear it.
If it's someone that you do not have the best rapport with, then you should deal with it directly first. Tell the person that what they said was inappropriate and unacceptable and that they should refrain from making personal comments in the future.
After that if it continues, and it is affecting your work, go to HR.
Great answer.
People can be a--holes. Running to HR after one isolated incident is not the way I would go, personally. You did document it, which is good. Another comment from this d-bag, and I'd definitely go to HR, though.
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RuefulRabbit wrote: »I'm sitting here at my desk this morning, drinking my unsweet tea, and coworker I barely know comes up and says "I never realized how fat you are."
Me: "Pardon me?"
Her: "You don't look nearly as fat when you're standing up."
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I admit to being completely taken aback. How the flarks do I respond to this?
Oh my goodness. How rude. I'm sorry you can't slap the stupid out of people. Please tell us she is some young DUMB, IGNORANT KID!!!
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I would have replied " At least I am not ignorant, nasty, egotistical and a nitwitt like you", but only in my head. That's harassment and is not on at all. How dare they say that to you. That's just nasty. Maybe they just jealous that you better looking than them or better at your job. Ignore that person because they don't have a brain.
You are a better person for not saying something back to them. Well done! You are a hero!
You are beautiful no matter what anyone says so forget it happened. But if they do it again, inform management or hr.0 -
Some people in this world just have no filter and haven't been taught otherwise.
My grandmother (who has since passed on) made a comment to one of my friends at church. She said that she liked the shirt she was wearing that particular day. My grandmother then followed it with the statement " all your other shirts make you look so fat." I could have died. My mouth just hung open. My grandmother was in her 80's so we all knew that some of it was probably her age, and no one wanted to be rude to her, but still it was humiliating for me to witness my grandmother say that to someone. My mom told me that she often made comments like that to her and my aunt. I think there was something wrong with her mentally. But I guess I'll never know for sure.0
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