No support from family and friends?
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memorizinmo
Posts: 8 Member
Hi everyone,
I apologize for the long post but I wanted to give some of my back story first.
I was skinny with a fast metabolism and relatively active for most of my life, so I always ate junk food to my heart's content and never worried about my weight until I hit my mid-20s. Combine a slowing metabolism with a desk job and stress eating/drinking when I already had ingrained poor eating habits? I put on 30+ pounds over the course of several years.
Earlier this year, I stepped on a scale to weigh my new kitten (my weight minus our combined weight) and was completely floored by the number. I mean, I knew I had to buy larger clothes and even most of those no longer fit, but I didn't realize how much of a problem it was until I saw it in plain numbers.
My closest friend is a trainer and she helped me put together a diet and exercise plan. I started the couch to 5k program and signed up for a road race this summer. I've lost 8 pounds and people have started to notice!
Here's the problem - for the first month or so, everyone accepted that I was watching what I ate. As time goes on, though, it's getting more difficult to leave the house. Family birthday parties, weekly trivia night at the local pizza place... I'm surrounded by unhealthy food and people urging me to make unhealthy choices because "it's not that big of a deal", "it's just one night", "you can make up for it tomorrow" and "you need to relax!" Even my fiancé told me I shouldn't worry so much as I was trying to figure out the calories in the lo mein we had last night.
I understand that cheat days are allowable, and I do give into my cravings with moderation. But I can't just ignore my diet plan every time I set foot out of my front door. That's how I got to where I was in the first place!
How do you shut down the people that try to derail your diet plans? What can I say to my loved ones to make them understand how important this is for me, and that I can't just pretend I'm not a diet tonight? Has anyone else had to deal with these types of issues? How did you move past it?
I apologize for the long post but I wanted to give some of my back story first.
I was skinny with a fast metabolism and relatively active for most of my life, so I always ate junk food to my heart's content and never worried about my weight until I hit my mid-20s. Combine a slowing metabolism with a desk job and stress eating/drinking when I already had ingrained poor eating habits? I put on 30+ pounds over the course of several years.
Earlier this year, I stepped on a scale to weigh my new kitten (my weight minus our combined weight) and was completely floored by the number. I mean, I knew I had to buy larger clothes and even most of those no longer fit, but I didn't realize how much of a problem it was until I saw it in plain numbers.
My closest friend is a trainer and she helped me put together a diet and exercise plan. I started the couch to 5k program and signed up for a road race this summer. I've lost 8 pounds and people have started to notice!
Here's the problem - for the first month or so, everyone accepted that I was watching what I ate. As time goes on, though, it's getting more difficult to leave the house. Family birthday parties, weekly trivia night at the local pizza place... I'm surrounded by unhealthy food and people urging me to make unhealthy choices because "it's not that big of a deal", "it's just one night", "you can make up for it tomorrow" and "you need to relax!" Even my fiancé told me I shouldn't worry so much as I was trying to figure out the calories in the lo mein we had last night.
I understand that cheat days are allowable, and I do give into my cravings with moderation. But I can't just ignore my diet plan every time I set foot out of my front door. That's how I got to where I was in the first place!
How do you shut down the people that try to derail your diet plans? What can I say to my loved ones to make them understand how important this is for me, and that I can't just pretend I'm not a diet tonight? Has anyone else had to deal with these types of issues? How did you move past it?
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Replies
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Instead of saying "I can't have that," I say "I don't want that." Most people won't argue with it when I phrase it that way.0
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Three little words...
No thank you.
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I think it comes down to your attitude and approach a lot of the time, unless your close friends/family are just absolutely *kitten* people. you'll have to deal with the fact that most people around you will push back because you are trying hard and they aren't (yeah even your family...sometimes they are the worst ones). but you'll have to find a good way to turn them down without getting angry with them or being snappy. just play it cool and be laid back about it, try not to seem really up tight about the dieting. y'know? if someone is being particularly pushy then calmly tell them to chill out.0
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It's hard when there's nothing at all to eat that wouldn't blow my calories for the day. I find myself sitting there counting potato chips in the corner trying to keep people from noticing. Should I bring my own snacks? Eat first and then say I'm not hungry?0
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Instead of saying "I can't have that," I say "I don't want that." Most people won't argue with it when I phrase it that way.
I actually really like this and never thought of it!
I have similar issues - seems like a few of my loved ones tend to unconsciously (is that the right word??) try to sabotage me. It's so frustrating! This is a TOUGH journey and I've attempted many times. (I'm on a 26 day streak and I'm fairly certain it's the longest in years!! AND - I have no plans on quitting any time soon!) I've found that I actually try NOT to tell anyone that I'm shedding pounds. That being said, I haven't lost nearly enough for folks to notice yet...
So I'm pretty sure I'm NO help, other than to get ideas as to what others suggest.
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You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. A simple no thanks will do in most situations when people are trying to push food and/or drinks on you. That, or you can say I'm not hungry, I'm not drinking tonight, etc...pick your excuse.
As for your fiancé, tell him you need his support or at the very least no comments about what your doing.
My husband is very supportive of me, but sometimes I'll throw out there for fun "Hey honey! Give it some time and I'm gonna look smoking hot for you!" Oh, and if he gives me $#it about drinking a beer or whatever, I just say "Don't you worry about what I'm doing. I do what I want!" LOL!0 -
sherbear702 wrote: »You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. A simple no thanks will do in most situations when people are trying to push food and/or drinks on you. That, or you can say I'm not hungry, I'm not drinking tonight, etc...pick your excuse.
As for your fiancé, tell him you need his support or at the very least no comments about what your doing.
My husband is very supportive of me, but sometimes I'll throw out there for fun "Hey honey! Give it some time and I'm gonna look smoking hot for you!" Oh, and if he gives me $#it about drinking a beer or whatever, I just say "Don't you worry about what I'm doing. I do what I want!" LOL!
I find myself telling my hubby "NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" He's a skinny dude that has NEVER struggled with his weight so his advice is WORTHLESS.0 -
My fiance is normally very supportive of me... I didn't mean for it to come off as though he's not. But I think he just wants me to be able to enjoy a meal. Right now, though, I'm not in a place where I'm able to do that. Especially when we're eating Chinese food!0
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chelmonaco wrote: »It's hard when there's nothing at all to eat that wouldn't blow my calories for the day. I find myself sitting there counting potato chips in the corner trying to keep people from noticing. Should I bring my own snacks? Eat first and then say I'm not hungry?
I wouldn't feel self-conscious about it. you're working to improve yourself0 -
Them: "it's not that big of a deal", "it's just one night", "you can make up for it tomorrow"
You: "You're right. This is what I would enjoy, and it's what I'll have. You get to decide what you would enjoy, and I suggest you have that."
For the pizza (or whatever) night where you know the food won't fit your plan, eat first. Gatherings are supposed to be about enjoying your friends. If you can make it fit, and you would genuinely enjoy it, have it in moderation.
When I am really counting closely and I'm going to a party/restaurant where I have no idea what to pre-log (let's say it's Friday), I log my Saturday dinner on Friday. On Saturday morning, I log my actual Friday night meal and fit the rest of Saturday around that. And eat the Saturday dinner I previously logged. I know it's a little AR, but it averages out in the end and it saves me spur-of-the-moment guesstimation when I've probably had a glass of wine.
And I would really not say anything to make loved ones understand. In fact, I would say as little as possible.0 -
I don't consider the way I eat a "diet" (just a healthy lifestyle!), but I usually politely say "no thank you" and don't offer a reason why. If they keep pressing the issue, I feel they're being rude, and I allow that to come across in my demeanor.
I hope you do have some people in your life who are being supportive!!! It's awesome that you've taken the initiative to do this and are doing well!!0 -
sherbear702 wrote: »You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. A simple no thanks will do in most situations when people are trying to push food and/or drinks on you. That, or you can say I'm not hungry, I'm not drinking tonight, etc...pick your excuse.
As for your fiancé, tell him you need his support or at the very least no comments about what your doing.
My husband is very supportive of me, but sometimes I'll throw out there for fun "Hey honey! Give it some time and I'm gonna look smoking hot for you!" Oh, and if he gives me $#it about drinking a beer or whatever, I just say "Don't you worry about what I'm doing. I do what I want!" LOL!
I lol'd
"don't worry bout me muthafucka!"0 -
sherbear702 wrote: »You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. A simple no thanks will do in most situations when people are trying to push food and/or drinks on you. That, or you can say I'm not hungry, I'm not drinking tonight, etc...pick your excuse.
As for your fiancé, tell him you need his support or at the very least no comments about what your doing.
My husband is very supportive of me, but sometimes I'll throw out there for fun "Hey honey! Give it some time and I'm gonna look smoking hot for you!" Oh, and if he gives me $#it about drinking a beer or whatever, I just say "Don't you worry about what I'm doing. I do what I want!" LOL!
I lol'd
"don't worry bout me muthafucka!"
I think I'll use this one instead of "mind your own business". 0 -
I know how you feel. I recently had the gastric sleeve performed, so I can't eat all that much...just a couple of ounces of food at a time. At home I eat off of a saucer to ensure I don't plate too much food for myself.
I go to visit some family of mine, and they know that I've had this surgery; and where do they want to go eat? Claim Jumper. Now, I don't know if you've ever been to one, but even when I was at my heaviest I'd take home left overs because of the portions they serve.
But I still went along to have lunch with them. When it came to my order, I had the Sirloin Tips - no soup, no salad, no drink. (Can't drink 30 minutes before or after eating, and I would've filled up on the soup/salad anyway.)
First thing that comes out is the bread. Mmmmm...the warm, delicious, fresh-baked bread...that I can't have.
So while everyone else is enjoying the bread, I take the bread plate I was served and put my silverware and napkin on top of it so it wouldn't be taken away.
Then come the meals. When mine came I pushed my plate forward, set the bread plate in front of me, re-plated my meal with how much I could eat, and then asked the waitress to box the rest to take home.
My family was quiet.
I was like, "What?"
One of them asked: "That's all you're gonna eat?"
"Uh, yeah. That's all I'm able to eat, since the surgery."
"Oh yeah."
Sometimes family aren't too bright or clued in to what you're doing because they're used to your old tendencies and habits. Sometimes they just need a new reality check to shake up what was once familiar to them with what is going on now.
(Quote from "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams.)0 -
Maybe harsh to say but it is your journey
I dont mind no support i only mind when they would be rude ( dont get me wrong they dont lol)
But the other side is you can say no thank you. Or say I am sorry it looks delicious but i ate before or dont want it whatever.
If they say its only one night you can replay yes and yesterday it was one night too with ice cream or pizza, and tomorrow i have another party too. so it isn't just one night i have so much friends
etc.
when they push be clear but firm
But always remember its your journey, you want to be healthy. The ones who understand you and what your doing stop pushing and asking.
Than you will always have the people who dont care about your health and keep pushing
And you even have the people who have to be rude.
Just ignore it.
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OP, I know what you're saying. A lot of people give advice that just doesn't address the underlying problem. You're trying *not* to offend them and make waves, and they pressure you to conform.
No one will talk about it, and I'm sure I'll get flamed, but tons of people will support you on the outside, until you start to get somewhere. And then they will try and subtly stop you. They just can't stand that you have more drive and determination than they do. Or something, I don't know why people pull each other down, but they do..
You acting fit reminds them that they are not fit. And time and time again, people will have food pushed on them, when the others KNOW that they're on a cut.
Yes. Eat first, and say you aren't hungry. Bring your own snacks. When you get sneers, and nasty comments, and people bringing sweet treats for no particular reason, DON'T DO IT. Peer pressure is a mother--- and it WILL get you, if you go in hungry, and those people push on you to make CICO horrifying choices.
There is nothing you can say to your loved ones that will make them be more supportive of you. If they aren't already cheering you on seeing you take these first steps... then why would they do that going forward?
Screw them, this is for you
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I hope you do have some people in your life who are being supportive!!! It's awesome that you've taken the initiative to do this and are doing well!!
My family loves me and is well-meaning, but they are highly critical of anything they don't understand or is different from their way of doing things.
And my friends are ball-busters. Most of it is just their usual teasing, but it still makes it difficult when I'm already struggling to make the right choices.
My best friend (the trainer) lives far away but I text her frequently and she is my cheerleader. My fiance is supportive in his own way, but he is skinny (I only weigh a few pounds less than him and he is significantly taller) so he doesn't understand how much work it is!0 -
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One of them asked: "That's all you're gonna eat?" "Uh, yeah. That's all I'm able to eat, since the surgery."
"Oh yeah."
Right there though, I'd say that the way they phrased the question betrayed what they really thought. That question wasn't intended to garner information, it was intended to shame.
And it has nothing to do with humans being stupid, we miss *nothing*, and we try and slip by and get away with everything. Including backhanded demotivational comments.
The choice of restaurant before that was even worse. You just had weight loss surgery, and they choose the place with the biggest plates, and then ask why you aren't eating.
And I call BS at the end of it, because they HAD to know, have their attention called to it because you refrained from the bread. You deserve better than that, and BRAVO for fighting for your own health Cronniss!!!
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Just make sure that you are not sabotaging yourself with friends or family. We tend to use people we trust to air complaints we would not express in public.
If the only thing our friends and families hear is the negatives, like how hard it is and how miserable we feel, and they hear none of the positives, we shouldn't be surprised if they encourage us to stop.0
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