Maybe it is best to keep your weight loss private?

MenonWaves
MenonWaves Posts: 8 Member
edited November 18 in Motivation and Support
Business travel was a nightmare today and I found myself with free time and running shoes packed in a suitcase that had already been loaded onto the plane. So, I decided to break a general rule of mine to not share my weight loss journey and check out the forums here. Wow, instead of support I saw a lot of judgmental comments from people who are having an easy time and basically saying "If the pounds aren't melting off, you're doing something wrong....I'm not even exercising and I dropped 50 pounds!!!" "You're not being honest with yourself about what you're eating....", "You're not exercising enough."

I have hit a plateau. My boyfriend has dropped 20 lbs. in a month while I've lost 3.5. I'm very self-conscious right now and sensitive and could have really used an encouraging word. Instead I broke down in tears. Thank God airport food is nauseating to me or I very well may have just caved right then and there.

I read an interesting article a few years ago around New Year's about how people who share their health goals can actually end up sabotaging them. Weight loss is a very personal journey. We have different bodies, different goals, different health concerns and considerations. You can't compare yourself to others trying to lose weight, and if you aren't progressing as you should, consult a professional who knows your health history. The last thing you need is self doubt and humiliation cast upon you by strangers who very well may be acting out on issues of their own.

Replies

  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,032 Member
    I agree I think sometimes the weight part of it could best be kept to ourselves so others don't use it for whatever their own craziness is. lol That's what's nice about being on here... you can find a group and get to know others that you learn to trust and share whatever you care to. Never have to share what you're not ready to. :)
  • Carol_
    Carol_ Posts: 469 Member
    That is true. But also, there are a lot of nice supportive people here as well. I think any social site has it's 'trolls', and when you are trying hard to lose weight, they can be discouraging. I find the forums that have nice people. And I don't respond to the others. Wishin' you the best! Keep safe on your trip. :) carol
  • Carol_
    Carol_ Posts: 469 Member
    Hearts_2015 wrote: »
    I agree I think sometimes the weight part of it could best be kept to ourselves so others don't use it for whatever their own craziness is. lol That's what's nice about being on here... you can find a group and get to know others that you learn to trust and share whatever you care to. Never have to share what you're not ready to. :)

    I agree. Well said!

  • hdawg06
    hdawg06 Posts: 4 Member
    Sometimes it is just slower for certain people. Keep going. A month isn't a huge amount of time to gauge. I've had weeks where I lost like nothing then 3 weeks later it all kind of came off in a few days. It's a long process. Just keep working and don't let others stories or comments cause you grief.
  • alyhuggan
    alyhuggan Posts: 717 Member
    Em 3.5lb in a month isn't a plateau. That's only just under 1lb per week, that's still good...
  • strong_curves
    strong_curves Posts: 2,229 Member
    I don't see the comments as judgemental, a person will post that they're not losing and wondering why. Usually it really is as simple as eating more than they realize. And 3.5 lbs lost is really good, it's not a plateau. I lost 2 lbs in 1 month and I'm damned proud of myself and thats less than you! It's not a race to lose weight quickly and usually those that do have a lot to lose thats why they lose a lot upfront or they're starving themselves and working out hours at a time. IMO thats not sustainable, its not a race and usually ends up with them being right back where they started.
  • Freckledmama1
    Freckledmama1 Posts: 9 Member
    I have told people my goals before and didn't reach them then ended up depressed and gave up. My new technique which has been working for a few months, and has given me the most success, is to not share my goals, but share my progress! Every 2 weeks I take a picture for progress, sometimes the scale doesn't move but something in your body is improving. I only post the pictures to my Facebook once a month, but I do give updates on something that I've improved on for #motivationmonday, like "my husband says since I've started exercising he sleeps better because I snore less" :-)
    This journey to better ourselves whether through weight loss, or weight gain is incredible personal. For me, it has been emotionally, mentally and spiritually challenging. I eventually had the revelation during a devotion time that I can't judge others by my capabilities and I can't judge myself by others' capabilities.
    Don't get discouraged, you're not doing this hard work for anyone else but you.
  • awesomejdad
    awesomejdad Posts: 493 Member
    not telling people only make failing easier to handle. If you don't plan on failing then don't worry about telling people.
  • DrLauraDVM16
    DrLauraDVM16 Posts: 64 Member
    dunnj949 wrote: »
    I have told people my goals before and didn't reach them then ended up depressed and gave up. My new technique which has been working for a few months, and has given me the most success, is to not share my goals, but share my progress! Every 2 weeks I take a picture for progress, sometimes the scale doesn't move but something in your body is improving. I only post the pictures to my Facebook once a month, but I do give updates on something that I've improved on for #motivationmonday, like "my husband says since I've started exercising he sleeps better because I snore less" :-)
    This journey to better ourselves whether through weight loss, or weight gain is incredible personal. For me, it has been emotionally, mentally and spiritually challenging. I eventually had the revelation during a devotion time that I can't judge others by my capabilities and I can't judge myself by others' capabilities.
    Don't get discouraged, you're not doing this hard work for anyone else but you.

    Wow. Great post.

  • chukabird
    chukabird Posts: 8 Member
    Your post showed just how important this journey is for you. I can't blame you feeling the way you do, but there are a lot of people here who are encouraging, and share with those of like mind. Just a little side note, it's a proven fact men loose much quicker then women & I for one am married to a man who has what I like to call "the skinny gene". I swear he can eat 3 times as much as me and not gain an ounce, just unfair. LOL!
  • jorinya
    jorinya Posts: 933 Member
    Don't let what people think or say derail you. Everyone has their own opinions and are different. We lose weight differently. What works for you might not work for me. We are all unique. Continue in your weight loss journey and find people who are supportive, motivating and helpful to you. Trust me there are lots of them on MFP, you just have to look in the right place. Good luck!
  • BrownSheep
    BrownSheep Posts: 30 Member
    I don't raise the topic with people. Part of my work puts me in front of people on a regular basis. (I am the equivalent of an Associate Pastor of a church as an Episcopal deacon.) People have started to notice a change in my appearance. Those closest to me have noticed how much more energy I have and how I seem to have this energetic vibe.

    When people ask about my weight loss, I tell them that I am working on adopting a new lifestyle that includes more activity and intentional eating. [I don't use the word diet since I am not really on one.] I love talking about how regular walks have been transformational for me because I love being an active person again.

    I have been blessed that I have chosen people on MFP to friend with who are mostly interested in supporting me. They do not give advice or commentary on the substance of my Food or Exercise diaries.

    I confess I wish there were more people around me who were exercising and eating intentionally. However, I appreciate that I have 2 or 3 people I talk to about the details of what I am trying to do. Other than that, I do not share about it a lot because it is just one piece of all the things that make up who I am.

    Just my thoughts . . . we all have to find what makes us feel comfortable with ourselves.

    -Em aka BrownSheep

  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,573 Member
    Why would you not tell someone they're eating too much if they're not losing weight? That would be just mean.
  • SideSteel
    SideSteel Posts: 11,068 Member
    I've seen both of the following:

    a) People legitimately being rude on the internet.

    and

    b) People being honest and offering advice that isn't necessarily what the advice-seeker wanted to hear.



    And quite often, b) happens and people confuse it for a)


    Not saying that's the case here, just pointing it out.
  • downongreenacres
    downongreenacres Posts: 327 Member
    Here is my experience:
    Unsolicited advice is usually not welcome whether on a message board or with your family members.
    If someone is asking for advice be honest in a gentle way.
    If they just need to vent their frustrations then just listen (if you can do so with respect).
    Just my opinion!
  • barbecuesauce
    barbecuesauce Posts: 1,771 Member
    MenonWaves wrote: »
    Business travel was a nightmare today and I found myself with free time and running shoes packed in a suitcase that had already been loaded onto the plane. So, I decided to break a general rule of mine to not share my weight loss journey and check out the forums here. Wow, instead of support I saw a lot of judgmental comments from people who are having an easy time and basically saying "If the pounds aren't melting off, you're doing something wrong....I'm not even exercising and I dropped 50 pounds!!!" "You're not being honest with yourself about what you're eating....", "You're not exercising enough."

    I have hit a plateau. My boyfriend has dropped 20 lbs. in a month while I've lost 3.5. I'm very self-conscious right now and sensitive and could have really used an encouraging word. Instead I broke down in tears. Thank God airport food is nauseating to me or I very well may have just caved right then and there.

    I read an interesting article a few years ago around New Year's about how people who share their health goals can actually end up sabotaging them. Weight loss is a very personal journey. We have different bodies, different goals, different health concerns and considerations. You can't compare yourself to others trying to lose weight, and if you aren't progressing as you should, consult a professional who knows your health history. The last thing you need is self doubt and humiliation cast upon you by strangers who very well may be acting out on issues of their own.
    MenonWaves wrote: »
    It's not that hard if you don't have a life. If you are losing weight to have a social life, a relationship, to enjoy more activities, giving up 4 hours a day exercising is no big deal. I am giving up social activities and time I spend with family and friends to fit in those four hours in addition to working a full time job and spending at least six hours a night trying to start my own business and the daily practicing, writing and recording that comes with being a musician. I don't even meet my caloric intake (I'm usually a about 700-900) in trying to schedule meals around when I can work out and everything else I do. I even canceled my vacation because the hotel where usually stay has closed their gym for renovations and everything else is now booked.

    Yes, this is so easy...

    I saw your post in the "it's not hard" thread, and I've re-read the replies. I don't think anyone meant to be mean-spirited, but I do think you're being too hard on yourself. Losing 3.5 pounds in a month is not a plateau--it may be that your body is catching up. Stalls happen.

    But your post in that thread combined with this post makes me wonder if you need to take a break from this and seek medical attention. Use MFP to maintain your current weight and see a doctor about whether your goal is too aggressive. If you are eating 700-900 calories a day and really do have a further 35 pounds to lose, the weight should be dropping off (and you should be a cranky, tired mess--eat more). The replies to your post seem to have been meant to tell you that you are making yourself miserable unnecessarily. You cannot compare yourself to anyone else, especially a man who has a high enough fat percentage to shed 20 pounds in one month.

    Canceling vacations, blowing off social engagements, avoiding friends and family--these are red flags. You need to take a step back and reevaluate your weight loss goals and how you plan to get there. Because excessively purging your life of joy until you reach your goal is a surefire way to go off the rails and end up back at square one.
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