What would you do????

cbratthauer
cbratthauer Posts: 228 Member
edited September 27 in Chit-Chat
Ok, so I'm going to try and make a long story short.... My cousin has a 9 year old daughter who is my Goddaughter. When she was born I watched her 7 days a week, waking up with her, going to bed with her, because my cousin was always out partying and picking up guys. I did this until she was 5, when I moved 2 1/2 hours away. Now I take her one weekend a month so we can still spend time together, I am very close to my cousin's daughter, and I was pretty close to my cousin.

When I got engaged, and my cousin found out, she said, and I quote, "I better be in the wedding". This was last September. In December my cousin got engaged to a guy she had been dating for a month, and set her wedding date for 2 weeks after mine. My bridal shower and graduation party are on the same weekend in July. My mom lives in AL, we live in IA. She told my cousin she was very excited for her, but she has been having some financial problems lately and she wasn't going to be able to make it back for my cousin's wedding because of the trips for my bridal shower/graduation and my wedding in September.

My cousin flipped out telling me I was being selfish for wanting my mom to come back in July for my shower/graduation and why couldn't I realize it was important to her to have my mom at her wedding. Then she dropped out of my wedding and told me I wasn't invited to her wedding. Her wedding is no longer taking place and her and that guy are no longer together. She still isn't talking to me, but her daughter is still in my wedding. I have pretty much come to terms with the fact that I am probably paying for everything for her daughter now. I let her know the dresses were in and that I would pick her up for her fitting. I already put the deposit down on the dress. I asked if she had silver shoes (I'm letting my girls pick out their own shoes and thought silver was a color that they could wear again) and she said no I'd have to get her some.

So I don't like asking for money, I'm not going to ask her for money for the dress. I think I'll just pay for it. Is this what everybody else would do? (Also I'm not trying to come off rude or anything I really just want to know what everybody else would do. I am perfectly fine paying for everything for her, because she is such a big part of my life and it is very important to me to have her stand up there with me!)

Replies

  • bethrs
    bethrs Posts: 664 Member
    I don't know what I would do- but I can guess that the least amount of drama, heartache, and stress will result in the option of you paying for the things necessary to make this little girl apart of your wedding. If you can swing it- it sounds like a situation where you want to be effective- not right.

    *edited for spelling error
  • waster196
    waster196 Posts: 138 Member
    Yep I'd pay. It's not your goddaughters fault her Mum is being a tool & she shouldn't have to suffer and miss out on your big day. Plus it'll annoy the hell out of her petty-sounding mother if you still make her a big part of the celebration :)
  • Goal_Seeker_1988
    Goal_Seeker_1988 Posts: 1,619 Member
    I would bc it sounds like you are more of a mother to her then what her own mother has been towards her.
  • ceschwartz
    ceschwartz Posts: 240 Member
    I would do the same thing. This is your wedding so if you want her there it may mean bitting the financial bullet. Try to keep things polite and friendly with mom, even though she sounds like a completely toxic type of person. It's frustrating, but it will make you happier in the long run. Good luck to you.
  • Nharah
    Nharah Posts: 42 Member
    Just as an FYI. We paid for all the clothes for our attendents at our wedding. It never occured to us to ask anyone to pay for the clothes that we wanted them in. Different areas have differing customs when it comes to that sort of thing so there is no "right" or "wrong". Do what you need to do to have as stress-free a wedding as possible.
  • freerange
    freerange Posts: 1,722 Member
    Your cousin is a,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, how do I put this nicely,,,,,,,,,,,,, floozy. I would not worry about her at all, you pay for your niece, and if your cousin talks to you at all tell, her she is welcome to come but will not be in your wedding.
  • em_lou007
    em_lou007 Posts: 117
    Yep I'd pay. It's not your goddaughters fault her Mum is being a tool & she shouldn't have to suffer and miss out on your big day. Plus it'll annoy the hell out of her petty-sounding mother if you still make her a big part of the celebration :)

    I agree with this! As long as your not doing anything to be childish (that would bring you down to her level in my opinion) then go ahead - pay for your god daughter, have her there, she is a major part of your life and your wedding (and marriage) is too!

    Does it matter if it annoys your cousin? Nope not 1 bit! might make you smile in the end tho!!

    They say you can't choose your family but I believe you can, you might still be related but that doesn't mean anything unless you want it to.

    Good luck xx
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