Is it normal that i never got over her callous remarks about my weight..........?

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Ewing69
Ewing69 Posts: 4 Member
in Motivation and Support
One day this girl at work gossiped behind my back about how much weight I had gained within my ear shot. She was telling the other lady but she said it a loud voice and made sure I heard it as well.Then I told her that I didn't appreciate her comments and I was hurt by it but she acted all surprised and she said sorry.I know she was playing dumb.

Anyways,we used to be very friendly towards each other but things hasn't been the same between us since.She still says hi and try to be friendly but I just feel the same way.The vibe and energy is just not there anymore.I don't make eye contact with her,i don't say hi unless she does and I go out of my to avoid her.I have had other people offend me before but I was able to get over it and patch up things with them but things are ruined between us.

Is this normal to for comment like that to have a lasting effect?
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Replies

  • akirkman86
    akirkman86 Posts: 89 Member
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    I mean, I'm not sure if she meant for you to overhear or not, but still.... I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who was talking *kitten* about me behind my back. I would be cordial and keep it professional/amicable, but I wouldn't be buddy-buddy.
  • bmb42
    bmb42 Posts: 19 Member
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    Absolutely. Words can hurt. My freshman year of college I gained the "freshman 15." When I came home to visit my parents my mom would tell me over and over again that my face looked swollen, when it reality I had just gained weight. I never got over this comment and to this day it replays in my head making me fear gaining weight again.
    My best advice is to try and move forward. People make rude comments all the time. People will say stupid things. Easier said than done, right? Good luck. :/
  • Ewing69
    Ewing69 Posts: 4 Member
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    Oh she did.I was with ear shot and she said it very loudly on purpose.She decided to say it as soon as she saw me walk by
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
    edited May 2015
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    I'd try not to keep being hurt by it, but there's no reason for you to patch it up with her if you don't feel it. Getting over being deliberately hurt by someone doesn't necessarily mean you have to go back to being friends, you can move past it within yourself while also moving on from her.
  • BigLifter10
    BigLifter10 Posts: 1,151 Member
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    Well, as an example: My mother is 80 and she STILL talks about a person at her high school that teased her about her hair one time. I wouldn't say normal, but I wouldn't say abnormal, really either. It is all in how you respond and what you do with those criticisms in between your own two ears. Choose not to dwell on it. If the intent was to hurt you - you gave her all the power she needed to do that. That isn't acceptable.
  • MoiAussi93
    MoiAussi93 Posts: 1,948 Member
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    Ewing69 wrote: »
    One day this girl at work gossiped behind my back about how much weight I had gained within my ear shot. She was telling the other lady but she said it a loud voice and made sure I heard it as well.Then I told her that I didn't appreciate her comments and I was hurt by it but she acted all surprised and she said sorry.I know she was playing dumb.

    Anyways,we used to be very friendly towards each other but things hasn't been the same between us since.She still says hi and try to be friendly but I just feel the same way.The vibe and energy is just not there anymore.I don't make eye contact with her,i don't say hi unless she does and I go out of my to avoid her.I have had other people offend me before but I was able to get over it and patch up things with them but things are ruined between us.

    Is this normal to for comment like that to have a lasting effect?

    I understand why you're hurt. You say the two of you had been friendly? Did she have a reason to be angry at you (not that this would justify it...just explain it)? If not, is it possible she did it out of some warped kind of concern? In other words, she thought that as a friend she should talk to you about it but didn't have the courage to bring it up to your face? It just seems odd for her to DELIBERATELY say it so that you could hear it if you hadn't done something that offended/angered her.

    But regardless, I can understand why you don't want to be friendly, but for your own sake you should let it go. You don't need to be her buddy, but going out of your way to avoid her and obsessing over one comment isn't healthy for you.
  • davert123
    davert123 Posts: 1,568 Member
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    I think it is normal ... but think about this. All of the stuff you are thinking is stopping you from having a good day. Try and let it go for you. I would keep my distance from her but don't let tossers live rent free in your head, she isn't worth it but you are :-)
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    It at least seemed like she deliberately said something hurtful intentionally for you to hear it. I wouldn't be really willing to be friends with someone who did that unless they made some significant attempt at reconciliation, even if did forgive her.
  • dubird
    dubird Posts: 1,849 Member
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    I think if you keep being angry and hurt, you're just going to make yourself feel bad for longer. Don't let her do that to you. Let it go, but yeah, I wouldn't be friends with her at all. Polite and professional yes, since you work together. But weither she ment to actually hurt you or was trying a passive-aggressive way to be concerned, that's not the kind of friend I'd want to have.
  • Ewing69
    Ewing69 Posts: 4 Member
    edited May 2015
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    I was always nice to her and respectful. I can't think of anything that I have done to anger her or offended for her to say something hurtful .

    She even said Good morning and asked me how I am when she saw me that day and as soon as I turned around she was like"jenny put on so much weight , look at her butt! she was telling the other lady but she said it very loudly for me to hear it as well.Then she kept looking at me afterwards.

    If she was concerned about my health she could talked to me privately and not point th at out in front of others.I understand that I have to let it go but I feel uncomfortable around her now since I always feel like she is looking at me judging me.I avoid her because I don't know what tactless and insensitive thing she will point out again. Maybe she is one of those people who have no filter and talk before they think but she is not someone I want to be close too
  • dubird
    dubird Posts: 1,849 Member
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    Ewing69 wrote: »
    If she was concerned about my health she could talked to me privately and not point th at out in front of others.I understand that I have to let it go but I feel uncomfortable around her now since I always feel like she is looking at me judging me.I avoid her because I don't know what tactless and insensitive thing she will point out again. Maybe she is one of those people who have no filter and talk before they think but she is not someone I want to be close too

    She may have no filter. She may just be passive-aggressive and does her best to avoid any kind of confrontation. Either way, just ignore her for the most part. She doesn't have the right to judge you, and her opinion only matters if you let it matter.
  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 776 Member
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    Wait.... What..
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,574 Member
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    Wow...did your coworker just make her own thread about how rude she was to you?
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,574 Member
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    DanniB423 wrote: »
    Wait.... What..

    Right?
  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 776 Member
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    Tell me everyone else sees this lol
  • Crumpet_Girl
    Crumpet_Girl Posts: 276 Member
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    haha I was wondering if it was a coincidence?
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,089 Member
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    There is another thread going on about work place comments.
    It's not okay for co workers to make comments about each others weight at all. It's not appropriate for work talk at all.
  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 776 Member
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    It can't be. It's like exactly the same. Down to ignoring "hi".
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
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    Wouldn't be surprised if this is the other OP' s sock puppet.
  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 776 Member
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    And both ops asked if this was a normal time frame to be upset. We are just getting punk'd:)

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