Can't forget the past..

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myweightloss2016
myweightloss2016 Posts: 147 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm sorry if this is not food-related or anything.. but there is something I would like your advice on.
In the past, when I was about 14 years old I did some stuff that I regret deeply, and I feel deeply ashamed of doing it. When I'm even thinking of it, I could cry and I feel so bad and ashamed and just.. I hate thinking about it.
Some people know about it, people I don't see anymore.. they are not in my life anymore, but even thinking about the fact that they know makes me crazy.
Summarised: I can't forget about it and I can't seem to let go of the past. It makes me so sad and I also feel like I don't deserve it to go on or something..
How do you handle being so ashamed of something you did..

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  • lessismoreohio
    lessismoreohio Posts: 910 Member
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    We all have things in our past that we regret; you are not alone. In my experience, I have only been able to conquer my regrets when I ask for forgiveness from whomever it was that I offended and ask for forgiveness from God. Then the hardest part for me is forgiving myself. But I'm working on forgiveness, and as I get older I understand and embrace this (forgiveness) more and more.
  • alyhuggan
    alyhuggan Posts: 717 Member
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    Living in the past makes no difference to the future. You should be pushing forward and living for the now.
  • myweightloss2016
    myweightloss2016 Posts: 147 Member
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    Thank you for your advice.
  • TheRoseRoss
    TheRoseRoss Posts: 112 Member
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    I hate quoting those cliche phrases that you see in people's email signatures and what not, but this one helped me get started:

    "We're products of our pasts, but we don't have to be prisoners of them."

    Again, I didn't suddenly just "get over it" once I read that, but it helped me to begin to think "start moving forward." I sometimes find myself talking out loud as I'm remembering events, but what I'm saying makes no sense in the context of the thing that I'm remembering. Perhaps like you, it's often things that other people know about. People that I will never see again, and that honestly have never given me another thought. But every once in a while I will find myself debating:

    "I wonder if he/she is sitting around thinking about me and what happened, or was it not even a blip on their radar, and they have long since forgotten it all."

    I don't know how to "bury it." I've learned to live with it. And each time I find myself thinking about it I consciously say:

    "Stop. Now tell me, why did that happen? It happened because of X, Y, and Z. Good. Now tell me, what have you learned from it? Good. Don't forget the lesson."

    I don't think that it ever truly, fully, goes away, but I hope that you're able to find peace.
  • myweightloss2016
    myweightloss2016 Posts: 147 Member
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    RossAH wrote: »
    I hate quoting those cliche phrases that you see in people's email signatures and what not, but this one helped me get started:

    "We're products of our pasts, but we don't have to be prisoners of them."

    Again, I didn't suddenly just "get over it" once I read that, but it helped me to begin to think "start moving forward." I sometimes find myself talking out loud as I'm remembering events, but what I'm saying makes no sense in the context of the thing that I'm remembering. Perhaps like you, it's often things that other people know about. People that I will never see again, and that honestly have never given me another thought. But every once in a while I will find myself debating:

    "I wonder if he/she is sitting around thinking about me and what happened, or was it not even a blip on their radar, and they have long since forgotten it all."

    I don't know how to "bury it." I've learned to live with it. And each time I find myself thinking about it I consciously say:

    "Stop. Now tell me, why did that happen? It happened because of X, Y, and Z. Good. Now tell me, what have you learned from it? Good. Don't forget the lesson."

    I don't think that it ever truly, fully, goes away, but I hope that you're able to find peace.


    Thank you for this! I can relate to the thought; will they be thinking about this.. They probably will, as these people were very close to me. I did learn a lot from this! Thanks for your kind words.
  • Oldbitcollector
    Oldbitcollector Posts: 229 Member
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    Forgiveness is a choice, and act of will. If doesn't matter if you are forgiving someone else, or yourself.

    Take the lesson for your mistakes, and forgive yourself. Write down the stuff you are beating yourself up with, fold the paper, then walk out on your back porch and light it on fire, with the words, "I forgive myself." -- Write the date down on your calendar and each time you have these feelings come back, remind youself that you are forgiven.
  • myweightloss2016
    myweightloss2016 Posts: 147 Member
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    Oldbitcollector wrote: »
    Forgiveness is a choice, and act of will. If doesn't matter if you are forgiving someone else, or yourself.

    Take the lesson for your mistakes, and forgive yourself. Write down the stuff you are beating yourself up with, fold the paper, then walk out on your back porch and light it on fire, with the words, "I forgive myself." -- Write the date down on your calendar and each time you have these feelings come back, remind youself that you are forgiven.

    I actually really like that idea :open_mouth:

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