need help please ! :c

Hey there! Im jo jo. Im a 22 year old mom of a two year old boy and a girlfreind of a wonderful man. Before i was pregnent i was at a comfy 175lbs i dident mind having meat on my bones so to speek. I acually loved my body so much.. i started gaining waight rappitly when i became pregnent. Hitting the all time hight of 220lbs. I never thouht in a million years i would ever be over 200lbs.. i constently obssess over my waight now. I make fun of my self constently.. and i hide from old hight school freinds. Im embaressed to see them im ashamed of myself. I lost a lot of waight the first year i had my son. Breastfeeding and no stress from being home helped this alot. I was 190lbs then 180lbs and teeling great. But as soon as i returned to work the waight piled right back on. Its fustrating knowing how close i was to my post pregnent waight. I dont feel girly ever and finding clothes that flatter me is impossable now. I feel like im trapped in somome els body. I dont feel sexy anymord. Or disired by my boyfreind.. i feel tired and old. I am now 218lbs and i feel like all the work i did was for nothing. I am so fedup with myself and despraite beond words at this point. I also lack coffdence. Modivation. And time. My life is busy and i work alot. I bearly get sleep. Please somons out there help me from this quicksand that is swallowing me hole. Before i feel like it is to late and give up.