How does this work?!

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moledew
moledew Posts: 71 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I wasn't sure what to title this, or really where it should go and please bare with me while I try to cohesively explain my train of thought...

I have always been overweight. Everyone in my family is overweight. I know now that overeating has always been the norm for me because its all I've ever known or seen. But now that I'm making a conscious effort to lose the weight and maintain a healthier lifestyle I find myself struggling some days with the old cravings and bad habits. So I'm sitting on the couch next to my boyfriend who could stand to lose 10 pounds but in no way is fat and never has been, and I'm trying to talk myself out of my cravings and desire to gorge. And I ask him, " how do you deal with this? Do you just not crave things? How do you eat whatever you want, albeit, you don't gorge yourself with junk food, but you don't think twice about eating whatever, whenever?". And he just shrugs. Typical "man answer".

Then I realize, this is something he has NEVER had to worry about. He is active all day at work but he thinks nothing about downing a #3 biggie sized with a large Coke AND eating my leftovers at times. Do slim people just not feel the urge to eat all day like most of us fatties do (I hope this doesn't offend anyone, I poke fun at myself all the time-all in good humor people!) I have to log what I eat, make very conscious efforts to plan out my calories and prepare ahead of time and stick with it or else I KNOW i'll over indulge.

I'm the type of person that if I fall off this bandwagon for a week, these jeans wont fit next Tuesday or they'll be snug at the very least. But there are people that don't think twice about what they put into their bodies and wear the same pair of pants for years. No gain, no loss, just a natural maintained weight. How is it that I, and I'm sure a lot of us on here, have to be so strict with ourselves or else we skyrocket again? Even the people maintaining have to keep track in effort to keep the scale from climbing back up. I see so many friends of mine that have been in the same clothes for at least 6-8 years and in that same amount of time I have been a 14-20 and every size in between?! I hope this makes sense, I can't really even sort out my own questions lol
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Replies

  • ManiacalLaugh
    ManiacalLaugh Posts: 1,048 Member
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    I think a large part of the difference is mentality. I started out this leg of my journey at 270. I didn't think food took up such a huge portion of my thoughts until I started losing some of that. Now that I'm sticking between 1200 - 1400 calories a day, I realize that it was probably the foremost thing on my mind most of the time. Why? Because now I have to constantly check myself. When I was heavier, I would eat every time I wanted, and then I forgot about it because I'd sate my desire. Now, my thoughts are constantly filled with "Can I eat now? No, I have to wait another hour." "Can I have that donut? No, it won't fit into my calorie allotment." I notice it more because I'm denying myself of most of my cravings, but that fixation was always there.

    For people who have stayed skinny, I don't think food is as prevelant an issue in their day-to-day lives (beyond the occasional thought of eating better for general health). You see your boyfriend downing a massive meal at dinner time, but you might not see him skipping meals because he isn't hungry, or is hungry, but simply doesn't see food as the top priority at that moment. I know skinny people who probably eat less than I do even on my diet, simply because they forget to eat during busy workdays. I can't even imagine forgetting...

    On the curious side, I'm interested in knowing how old your boyfriend is. I grew up with two super-skinny guy friends when I was in school ~15 years ago. One of them now has to work his butt off to keep extra weight off, and the other has completely let himself go and is now probably 250+. Metabolism does change with age and activity level.
  • TeaBea
    TeaBea Posts: 14,517 Member
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    Here's my take - lifestyle changes are not temporary things that I will do to lose weight. Instead they are things that I will try to do for FOREVER. This is why so many people re-gain the weight they lost (myself included) - they try to eat only "healthy" food....whatever that means to you. They knock themselves out exercising. But these restrictive diets and balls to the wall exercise plans turn out to be temporary.

    I give into cravings....but, I measure and LOG my cravings. Now, that doesn't mean I get to have chocolate whenever I want to. Logging the chocolate make me accountable. Also, when I look at the calories of certain things....it's just not worth it. I deal with cravings by putting them in perspective. What do I want the most.....not what do I want right now. I allow myself 2 snacks everyday. I may lose weight slower.....but this needs to be learned behavior for me. I can't just reach in the cookie jar.....no way. Mindless eating has to stop. I don't eat in front of the TV.....ever (my downfall). I keep my hands busy (crochet).

    Exercise for me is moderate. I'm over 50 and not going to do high impact to lose weight (ouch)....because I can't do high impact for years to come. I choose exercise that I WILL do (hopefully for many, many years...Leslie Sansone). This sustained activity should give me a little wiggle room to maintain.

    Slim people have figured out how to maintain. They may binge (a little) here....but then there is a lower calorie day....to make up for it. Many slim people are naturally active. Wear a pedometer (or activity tracker) and it may open your eyes a bit.
  • futuremanda
    futuremanda Posts: 816 Member
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    People are different. It's like, some people can barely pay attention and ace math. Others work really hard for their grades, and others will not get good grades in math even with hard work, or won't be able to make themselves put in the work. People are just different.

    People have different calorie needs, different activity levels, habits, appetites, backgrounds. We have different things going on in our bodies and lives that will affect those habits. We have different personalities and responses to things in life. Even something simple and common like not getting enough sleep can have a domino effect for some, because it can rev up appetite significantly.

    Your boyfriend is a male, so his needs are likely higher than yours. He's active at work, which can boost that a lot. Does he also do some of the more physical chores? And even if it LOOKS like he eats a lot, he may not always. My partner is super tall and slim and sometimes I swear he eats a ton... but other times I think he undereats, and it balances. His eating habits and needs are totally different than mine -- he may skip a meal if he has a big one earlier in the day, or if he doesn't feel like prepping something, or whatever, whereas I feel physically sick if I don't eat more or less on time, regardless of how many calories my last meal was.

    You also don't know about those friends who maintain their weights. You don't know that they don't think about it or work on it, or have their own methods for it. I was a great weight in high school, and maintained it with a sort of loose mental system of a) counting treats (so if I had cookies when I got home from school, maybe I wouldn't have ice cream later -- if I didn't, I would, type deal) and b) weighing daily, and cutting back on treats and seconds if my weight went up even 1 or 2 lbs. I didn't talk about it or write it down or anything, but I was essentially working on it daily.
  • MYhealthyjourney70
    MYhealthyjourney70 Posts: 276 Member
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    i so totally understand where you are coming from as i wonder the same.. i have struggled for years... i get cravings give in.. my hubby seems to work through his cravings... he loses so fast and i seem to find what he loses LOL... wish i had an answer but nice to know that i am not alone.. good luck on your journey
  • socalkay
    socalkay Posts: 746 Member
    edited June 2015
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    Why me? While I understand your envy of those who don't have to watch their weight, that doesn't get us any closer to our goals. I'd rather put my energy into learning what I can about nutrition and exercise and slowly making changes. You can make the changes, too. Hang in there.
  • TimothyFish
    TimothyFish Posts: 4,925 Member
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    I can't get over you using the word "albeit" when talking to your boyfriend.

    I have a friend who is a surveyor. Apparently, that's a good job to have if you want to be thin. He's close to 50 and still eats pretty much whatever he wants. In his case, it isn't lack of eating that is saving him, but his activity level. Of course, men have a natural advantage because we tend to be bigger than women. I could eat fast food three meals a day and not gain weight, if that were all I ate. A woman eating the same diet would soon be overweight. It does no good to compare yourself to someone else, because what they can do may be very different from what you perceive it to be.
  • benzieboxx
    benzieboxx Posts: 253 Member
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    Comparing myself to others? Been there. Done that. Bought the t-shirt. I get what you’re saying, though. I have a friend who lives a totally sedentary life. She eats junk constantly and never seems to do anything else. She’s maintained the same weight for as long as I can remember. Her body just works differently than mine and there’s nothing I can do about that except learn how MY body works and work to improve it. Simple as that.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,715 Member
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    TimothyFish wrote: »
    I can't get over you using the word "albeit" when talking to your boyfriend.

    I have a friend who is a surveyor. Apparently, that's a good job to have if you want to be thin. He's close to 50 and still eats pretty much whatever he wants. In his case, it isn't lack of eating that is saving him, but his activity level. Of course, men have a natural advantage because we tend to be bigger than women. I could eat fast food three meals a day and not gain weight, if that were all I ate. A woman eating the same diet would soon be overweight. It does no good to compare yourself to someone else, because what they can do may be very different from what you perceive it to be.

    Dare I ask why? I use the word fairly regularly. Just curious.
  • moledew
    moledew Posts: 71 Member
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    maniacallaugh wrote: »
    I think a large part of the difference is mentality. I started out this leg of my journey at 270. I didn't think food took up such a huge portion of my thoughts until I started losing some of that. Now that I'm sticking between 1200 - 1400 calories a day, I realize that it was probably the foremost thing on my mind most of the time. Why? Because now I have to constantly check myself. When I was heavier, I would eat every time I wanted, and then I forgot about it because I'd sate my desire. Now, my thoughts are constantly filled with "Can I eat now? No, I have to wait another hour." "Can I have that donut? No, it won't fit into my calorie allotment." I notice it more because I'm denying myself of most of my cravings, but that fixation was always there.

    For people who have stayed skinny, I don't think food is as prevelant an issue in their day-to-day lives (beyond the occasional thought of eating better for general health). You see your boyfriend downing a massive meal at dinner time, but you might not see him skipping meals because he isn't hungry, or is hungry, but simply doesn't see food as the top priority at that moment. I know skinny people who probably eat less than I do even on my diet, simply because they forget to eat during busy workdays. I can't even imagine forgetting...

    On the curious side, I'm interested in knowing how old your boyfriend is. I grew up with two super-skinny guy friends when I was in school ~15 years ago. One of them now has to work his butt off to keep extra weight off, and the other has completely let himself go and is now probably 250+. Metabolism does change with age and activity level.



    I think you answered this perfectly. Its a mentality thing. I'm used to eating ice cream just because I saw it on TV and it looked good so why not? My friends on the other hand don't crave sweets the way I do which I'm sure plays a big factor in this but I have heard many of them say on more than one occasion that they forgot to eat today. what?! you FORGOT to eat? food is my life, how can you forget something so crucial and delicious? something so perfect and comforting? <- THAT is my problem. Food is my comfort whereas to them it's just a part of life. You just helped me solve my question lol.

    My boyfriend is 27, 6'1 and a mechanic so he's on his feet at least 12 hours a day. He doesn't get to eat lunch most days so by the time I see him, that one massive drive-thru meal is all he has and will eat for the day typically. People that are overweight have a relationship to food whereas the rest of the population eats to be social (girls day lunch, family gathering) and to maintain life. Now I'm curious though if the veterans that have hit their goal weight an maintained it for some time feel as if their old relationship to food has ceased or just changed into a healthier form now that they know the repercussions of making bad decisions on a regular basis?
  • lthames0810
    lthames0810 Posts: 722 Member
    edited June 2015
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    I remember as a kid, being engrossed with playing to the point that dinner time was an unwelcome intrusion. And I was a skinny kid at that time. When I got a little older and my time was more taken up with boring tasks like homework and music practice, I was eager for a food break and thought about food a lot more. I began to put on fat then.

    It's the same with "naturally" slim adults I know. At times, they can't be bothered to eat. It balances out those times when I see them pig out. I may witness them eating a lot, and I might assume that's how they always eat, but that's not at all the case.

    Edit: My point/conclusion is that finding something you can be passionate about and that keeps you too busy or in a circumstance where eating is inconvenient, can turn you away from thinking about food so much.
  • Jruzer
    Jruzer Posts: 3,501 Member
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    This is something I've wondered about, and I think at least part of it comes down to natural predilection. While I don't think there are "naturally thin" people, I do think there are people who don't feel the need to overeat. These people do eat "as much as they want", they just don't want as much as those of use who are/have been overweight.

    I remember reading a story written by a woman whose boyfriend had always been lean. She discovered a stash of some kind of candy bars in his house and was amazed that the supply didn't dwindle day after day. She asked him about it, saying "Don't you like these?" Puzzled, he replied "They're my favorite." He just didn't feel the urge to down them all right away like many of us might.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,988 Member
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    moledew wrote: »
    ...But now that I'm making a conscious effort to lose the weight and maintain a healthier lifestyle I find myself struggling some days with the old cravings and bad habits. So I'm sitting on the couch next to my boyfriend who could stand to lose 10 pounds but in no way is fat and never has been, and I'm trying to talk myself out of my cravings and desire to gorge. And I ask him, " how do you deal with this? Do you just not crave things? How do you eat whatever you want, albeit, you don't gorge yourself with junk food, but you don't think twice about eating whatever, whenever?". And he just shrugs. Typical "man answer".

    I've been finding the less simple carbs I eat, the less I want. I hope that holds true when I'm premenstrual, lol.

    I was really stressed at work last week and would normally have had a lot of chocolate or ice cream, but I made a chocolate raspberry smoothie that satisfied the craving for a lot less calories and fat. I have also found that I can be satisfied with a mini-cup of ice cream instead of a pint.

    Are you eating enough, and getting enough protein, healthy fat, and fiber?

    http://www.nutrition.org.uk/healthyliving/fuller/understanding-satiety-feeling-full-after-a-meal.html

    Tips on how to feel fuller

    So how can we best try to enhance these feelings of fullness to help us control how much we eat? Here are some top tips for helping you feel fuller:
    1. Foods high in protein seem to make us feel fuller than foods high in fat or carbohydrate, so including some protein at every meal should help keep you satisfied. Foods high in protein include meats such as chicken, ham or beef, fish, eggs, beans and pulses.
    2. If you are watching your weight, opt for lower fat versions, using leaner cuts of meat, cutting off visible fat and avoiding the skin on poultry as this will help reduce the energy density of the diet, which can help to enhance satiety (see below).
    3. Foods that are high in fibre may also enhance feelings of fullness so try to include plenty of high-fibre foods in the diet such as wholegrain bread and cereals, beans and pulses and fruit and vegetables.
    4. Alcohol seems to stimulate appetite in the short-term and therefore drinking alcohol is likely to encourage us to eat more. Alcoholic beverages can make you forget about your intentions to eat healthily by making you lose your inhibitions. Alcoholic drinks are also calorific, so you should cut down on alcohol consumption if you are trying to control your weight.
    5. The ‘energy density’ of food has a strong influence on feelings of fullness or satiety. Energy density is the amount of energy (or calories) per gram of food. Lower energy density foods provide less energy per gram of food so you can eat more of them without consuming too many calories. Low energy density foods include fruit and vegetables, foods with lots of water added when cooking such as soups and stews, and lower fat foods. Click here for more information on energy density.



  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,988 Member
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    Also, yoga helps me with cravings triggered by emotions.

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-willpower/201007/how-yoga-can-help-end-binge-eating

    ...To find out more about how yoga might have helped the women make peace with food, themselves, and their bodies, I talked to Maggie Juliano, director of Sprout Yoga, a non-profit organization that provides yoga to people with disordered eating.

    According to Juliano, yoga gives people the skills to stay with what they are feeling, rather than turning to food to escape. People who are obese or suffering from eating disorders have a tendency to dissociate from their bodies -- to choose not to feel what they are feeling when they are angry, anxious, or sad. Often, they turn to food to numb themselves. "There's this sense that I have to feel better right now, " Juliano says. "There is a complete intolerance of what is happening right now." This need to escape unpleasant feelings triggers a binge.

    When you eat to escape what you are feeling, you lose touch with the experience of eating, as well. This is one reason binges can spiral out of control. "You have no understanding that you are full, way past full, into uncomfortable, because you're so out of it," Juliano explains. "You have no connection to what you're eating. You're eating a pint of ice cream and can't even taste it. Or you go to make yourself some toast and before you know it, half the loaf is gone."

    Mindful yoga directly challenges the habit of dissociating from your body and your present-moment experience. "The whole point of yoga is to stay connected to your body. You learn it through practice, through breathing, and through breathing through the sensations."...
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,119 Member
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    moledew wrote: »
    I have always been overweight. Everyone in my family is overweight. I know now that overeating has always been the norm for me because its all I've ever known or seen. But now that I'm making a conscious effort to lose the weight and maintain a healthier lifestyle I find myself struggling some days with the old cravings and bad habits. So I'm sitting on the couch next to my boyfriend who could stand to lose 10 pounds but in no way is fat and never has been, and I'm trying to talk myself out of my cravings and desire to gorge. And I ask him, " how do you deal with this? Do you just not crave things? How do you eat whatever you want, albeit, you don't gorge yourself with junk food, but you don't think twice about eating whatever, whenever?". And he just shrugs. Typical "man answer".

    Then I realize, this is something he has NEVER had to worry about. He is active all day at work but he thinks nothing about downing a #3 biggie sized with a large Coke AND eating my leftovers at times. Do slim people just not feel the urge to eat all day

    For me, it comes down to activity level. Most of my life I've been very active and have been one of those slim people who seem to be able to eat anything we want. I could do that because I cycled to and from work, then I went out and cycled after work and on the weekends. I walked at lunch, to get groceries, to go to church, to the library, to the Dr, and anywhere else I needed to go. In the winter, I set my bicycle up indoors and put in anywhere from 30-120 minutes a night on it + snowshoeing, and cross country skiing, and weight lifting and yoga. I did all that because I enjoyed it and still do. I love being active. :)

    My coworkers saw me eating all the time and remaining slim, and would comment on it: "How do you eat so much and not gain weight?" What they didn't see were the hours of activity every day.

    However, when the activity level drops for some reason, the amount I eat also has to drop. So I do reduce the amount I eat and think more carefully about what I eat ... but it is hard to go from being able to eat whatever I want to eating less. And I usually end up gaining weight. Not so bad if my activity level increases again a couple months later ... but this time, it didn't. I haven't been as active as I used to be for about 4 years now ... so ... here I am.

    Yes, you can lose weight without exercise. I've done it and so have many others. But I find it easier to lose weight if I increase my activity level. Being more active gives me room to eat extra food. I can have a small treat now and then. I can go out to restaurants on the weekend. I can eat a slightly larger portion at dinner. And being active also distracts me.

    Now activity doesn't have to be going to the gym and lifting weights (although that's good too). It can be things like, for example, my husband and I did a brisk 3 km walk yesterday evening down to the beach and back. It gives us a chance to talk without the distraction of TV, computer, etc., I love listening to the waves (it's winter here so I can't actually see the waves anymore because it is dark), and I burn a few calories. Not a huge amount but enough so that I could have a small snack in the evening before bed. :)

  • Jruzer
    Jruzer Posts: 3,501 Member
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    Couldn't find the story I was looking for, but here are a few similar links:

    http://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/2ncsrx/whats_it_like_in_the_mind_of_a_naturally_thin/

    http://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/1qp1u5/so_naturally_overweight_vs_thin_peoplewhats_the/

    http://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/304t5n/kinda_mind_blowing_thought_about_people_i_thought/
  • britishbeau
    britishbeau Posts: 60 Member
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    its the art of distraction. the only time ive ever lost weight is when i was working fulltime plus overtime on nights. I was so busy none stop that i didnt even think about food.

    my brother was the same, as a kid he was always obsessed with computer games, to the point he forgets to eat and waits until hes absolutely starving, now he works with computers too, he eats fast food for lunch and tea (kfc then dominoes pizza) almost every night, never has breakfast and hes starting to put on weight because hes forced to have a lunch break and eat with friends.

    if you can find yourself something to do when craving foods then do so. otherwise it sounds like you eat out of bordom.
  • TimothyFish
    TimothyFish Posts: 4,925 Member
    edited June 2015
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    BZAH10 wrote: »
    TimothyFish wrote: »
    I can't get over you using the word "albeit" when talking to your boyfriend.

    I have a friend who is a surveyor. Apparently, that's a good job to have if you want to be thin. He's close to 50 and still eats pretty much whatever he wants. In his case, it isn't lack of eating that is saving him, but his activity level. Of course, men have a natural advantage because we tend to be bigger than women. I could eat fast food three meals a day and not gain weight, if that were all I ate. A woman eating the same diet would soon be overweight. It does no good to compare yourself to someone else, because what they can do may be very different from what you perceive it to be.

    Dare I ask why? I use the word fairly regularly. Just curious.

    I use it in writing, but never in spoken language. To me, it is much too formal of a word to use with a close friend.
  • whmscll
    whmscll Posts: 2,254 Member
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    I have been a healthy weight all my life. I have never been obese. I have only been truly overweight once (a few years ago) and I lost the extra 27 pounds. I gained half of it back again, which is why I am here. I am what you would probably call slim, yet I struggle mightily with food. Constantly. I binge occasionally, eating an entire package of cookies or graham crackers in one or two sittings. If I am not vigilant my weight starts to go up right away. I must constantly be mindful of everything I eat.

    So I think it has more to do with upbringing. I was constantly rewarded with candy and other treats as a child. My mother was constantly on a diet. I learned at an early age to use food to make myself feel better, and I am still an emotional eater. I also eat when bored.

    So it's not just overweight and obese people who struggle! "Slim" people struggle too!
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,195 Member
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    I am a fat person and I have no desire to eat all day or to gorge myself. Sometimes I struggle to get enough calories. I never did that, even at my highest weight. Everybody is different and we all have different challenges.

    It sounds like you need something interesting to occupy your time other than eating. Do you do any crafts? Have you ever tried knitting or doing some other kind of manual work when you are tempted to eat too much?

    Do you have enough challenge and activity in your life? Maybe taking a class, learning a new hobby, etc. would be helpful.

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