Do you ever have this fear?
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cwolfman13 wrote: »Our past makes us who we are today
This.
Never beat yourself up for past behavior and actions, just take care of yourself in the here and now.
And, you are taking care of yourself now. That's all that matters.
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I will just add it to the pile of regrets and disappointments.
Always with things like this you think why didn't I do this 2 years ago or 10 or 15.
Use the regret to hopefully take that first step years earlier next time. Instead of leaving it.
Or use your regrets to push your self to do something to make up for it a bit. Jump out of a plane etc0 -
I totally know where you are coming from. I have had weight problems literally all my life, I think since about 18 months old. Like already 100+ pounds in early elementary school! I have also always had problems with depression and anxiety, and have realized that my mental issues feed into the weight issues and vice versa. It is an evil, ugly cycle that is hard to escape from. I am 32 now and have tried losing weight so many times in my life.
But this time feels different somehow. It is going far too slowly for me, but I am trying to be patient, because getting depressed over it is what always sends me over the edge and I give up. I get so depressed that I have lost my whole life so far to this weight.
I missed growing up like a normal kid, teenager, college girl. I didn't get to wear the cute clothes I wanted to wear. I didn't get to experience having boyfriends, and I only had my first one last year--and it was really hard for me because I didn't know what I was doing, and my mom died in 2010, so I had to awkwardly talk to my dad when I needed to talk to someone about if it's normal the way the relationship was (it was hectic, fighting, etc).
But I do know that I am back on the road to weight loss and I hope to be "normal" by the time I'm 35, at the latest. Even if I'm not, I don't care what anyone says, I am going to go clothes crazy and wear the cute stuff I never got to wear!
When I was pretty young my mom told me that I was pretty, but if I lost weight I would be so gorgeous that the boys would be all after me. At the time, I think that kinda scared me, because I was scared of boys. lol Actually, I sometimes wonder if that has any bearing in my inability to stick to losing weight all those years. Now I don't care... I want this for me, I don't care if it means that I have to ignore advances. I want to look good for me. It still depresses me that I've lost half of my life to this, but I am determined to live the rest of my life better than my past.
The worst part of the slowness of weight loss is, I feel like I can't live my life until I lose the weight. Part of it is definitely the depression and anxiety talking, but I know the sad reality, society doesn't care that I am losing weight, all they see is that I am not normal, and I am far too fragile to expose myself to their judgement at this time.
Sorry this was so long, I just wanted you to know that I know exactly what you are feeling. I wish that I would have been able to do this earlier as well, but since it didn't have to, I just have to hope I get there before I am too old to do the things I want to do.
If you want to add me on here you can. 0 -
It's never too late for anyone.0
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Grass is always greener on the other side. We really have such a tiny picture of another's reality - sometimes even those closest to us. Though it's much easier said than done, try not to compare your life to someone else's or to envy another. You have so much life ahead of you and you are beautiful whether your body is little or big. All you can do is work on being the best you that you can be.0
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"What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals."0
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pinkpetals84 wrote: »Your friends might be happy or they might appear happy. Just think that it was just their time, yours is coming too. Right now you have the luxury of being by yourself and working on the most important person on this earth, which is you. The rest will fall into place eventually.
Forgive yourself for not starting this journey sooner. But you can't punish yourself forever or think that you ruined your chances of a happy ending just because of your appearance. Live in the present and learn from the past. You never want to go back to being the person that you were and now you have the strength to move forward.
The reality of life is hard to understand. I certainly have frustrations of my own. But I know that happiness is not attached to a person. It comes from within, and it is self generated. Keep up the good work and don't be so hard on yourself. The negative thoughts will drag you down and will not let you move forward.
Why suffer when you can smile? You have been reborn!!!! Don't compare yourself with others because their book has their story and you have yours, and you get to pick your happy ending.
I needed to read this. Ty for posting and I will say "ditto" from you to our OP.
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"It's better to regret something you HAVE done than to regret something you haven't done" - a wise person.
Think of all the things in life you've learned.
Life does not revolve around one's size.
art
music
science
beauty
books
sport
raindrops
animals
family
friends
games
movies
Love
heartbreak
laughter
bacon
penguins
... I'm sure you can add hundreds of things special to you that you love, and that made you who you are, and hundreds of things that you want to know about in the years to come.
That you've gained and lost weight is an amazing, empowering thing. You are awesome for that, and for so many other reasons!
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I will preface this by saying that i have never been more than 50lbs over weight, but i can understand what you're saying... there are a lot of emotions with transformation. I've gone up and down A LOT. anywhere from 135 to 210 and it makes me sad looking back to remember that even when i was 135 i still thought i was fat. and looking back on when i was 210 i feel ashamed that i let myself get that big. right now i'm in the middle at 172 (had gotten back up to 180 from 150) and working my way back down- AGAIN. and all along it's hard to not judge your current and old self. i'm trying to learn how to forgive myself, kind of like looking at myself as i would some one else and giving myself that same compassion. but it's easier said than done!0
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And as others are saying, in an alternate history where you did meet someone at a younger age, you might not have had the opportunity to develop your character in the way you have. If, say, you got mixed up and stayed with the wrong person, for example, or even a bad or sick person. That happens, too, and it can be harder than you think to extricate yourself from something like that, especially for certain kinds of romantic young women. Being single is infinitely better than being in a bad relationship, there is no doubt in my mind about that. So that's something you've been free from. You've got a clean slate to work from with an adult mind, that's a kind of gift. I don't know if you can see it like that, but it is.
I did meet my current (and final) husband at a younger age. We were highschool sweethearts 45 years ago and seemed destined to marry young, but I broke up with him to my parents' dismay and my friends astonishment after highschool. It was a good thing, too, because the people we became could not have been more incompatible. Twenty odd years later, we reconnected, older, wiser and scarred by bad decisions and failed marriages that we each blamed ourselves for. We now have a marriage strengthened by our differences because over those years apart, we learned what is important and learned how to accept and appreciate each other's vastly different ways and views.
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@jezhab things will get better You will have moments of regret as we all do in life at different times and about different things. As for being bitter I doubt it. You are already doing the work physically, mentally and emotionally. You are identifying the things that lead to weight gain and working through them so that it is less likely to occurr. MFP is filled with awesome people who are Real, we understand and we know how you are feeling. So, keep up the good work and when uou reach your scale goal, take on another fitness goal and continue to share the reality of your journey
. I also recommend that you blog about your journey as well rather you share it or not.
Take photos of urself n outfits that flatter you and whenever u feel discomfort use those as positive reinforcement.0 -
Definitely I needed to read this thread!
For myself, feeling fat doesn't leave as quickly as the pounds for some reason! I finally bought jeans that fit me now and a smaller top, wore them on Sunday and felt so horribly exposed. Like an imposter. I was so glad to have a sweater that I put on again to cover up myself, even though it was a miserably hot day.
It made me worry though. Everything else I have in my closet is so baggy at this point! I often feel like a bag lady! How on earth do I get past this unexpected thing? Lol0 -
serasmommy wrote: »Definitely I needed to read this thread!
For myself, feeling fat doesn't leave as quickly as the pounds for some reason! I finally bought jeans that fit me now and a smaller top, wore them on Sunday and felt so horribly exposed. Like an imposter. I was so glad to have a sweater that I put on again to cover up myself, even though it was a miserably hot day.
It made me worry though. Everything else I have in my closet is so baggy at this point! I often feel like a bag lady! How on earth do I get past this unexpected thing? Lol
I'm late to reply but if you're in transitional size (smaller than your old clothes but not quite where you want to be yet) go to goodwill/thrift shops!!!!! get yourself some good staples like a skirt/pants/coat. you might have to do some hunting but you'll save some money and feel good about yourself and your progress0 -
"What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals."
This! I have had many regrets through my life, but once I set the mistakes right, I had a choice. I could wallow in regret for where I was or bask in happiness to be where I am. It wasn't long before I just embraced the happiness.0 -
Getting fat hurts you, not other people.
If you've hurt others, I can see beating yourself up, apologizing, trying to make it up to them.
Hurting yourself? Apologize to yourself, forgive yourself and then make it up to you by getting and staying thin.
Dwelling on it and staying mad at yourself serves no purpose. The only reason to do it is because you enjoy being miserable...and that's a bad reason. 0 -
I have a lot of regrets in my life, but I'm trying to better myself. First thing is to lose all of this weight !!!0
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