so frustrating and feel like i have no control :(

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gl7985
gl7985 Posts: 2 Member
in Goal: Maintaining Weight
Hey everyone! After a 2 year battle with anorexia ending in 2012, I had just only finally (within the last few months) been able to deal with my anxiety around food and eat intuitively, rather than binging or under eating as i did previously. This is in part due to the fact i moved away from home to study in a different state,where i have more discretion in choosing my meals etc. I think this has kind of let me slip into bad unhealthy habits however (e.g. chocolate for dinner when i'm not bothered to cook). Nonetheless, I was able to maintain a healthy weight for a few months and the best part was that I really wasn't anxious about food. However, after returning home to my family for holidays, I literally gasp every time i step on the scale. Just by eating normal meals, my weight has been climbing significantly over the last week. I think I have gained around 2kg (4 lbs) in the space of 8 days. I am stressing about my weight/what i eat 24/7. I weigh myself before and after using the toilet. It's becoming so obsessive and without sounding over-dramatic, ruining my life. I even have started to purge meals when the guilt gets too much. Basically, i'm paranoid i've ruined my metabolism and i'm so frustrated that i can't eat a normal amount like my friends and stay within a reasonable weight range. I seriously don't know what i can do to get rid of this weight whilst being healthy and not starving myself :( Has anyone gone through something similar?? (ie. changing diet and experiencing scary weight gain??). Sorry for the long post :(

Replies

  • istrain71
    istrain71 Posts: 1 Member
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    This is the best advice any layman can give you on the internet. Seek the help of a medical/eating disorder specialist. Soon.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    gl7985 wrote: »
    Hey everyone! After a 2 year battle with anorexia ending in 2012, I had just only finally (within the last few months) been able to deal with my anxiety around food and eat intuitively, rather than binging or under eating as i did previously. This is in part due to the fact i moved away from home to study in a different state,where i have more discretion in choosing my meals etc. I think this has kind of let me slip into bad unhealthy habits however (e.g. chocolate for dinner when i'm not bothered to cook). Nonetheless, I was able to maintain a healthy weight for a few months and the best part was that I really wasn't anxious about food. However, after returning home to my family for holidays, I literally gasp every time i step on the scale. Just by eating normal meals, my weight has been climbing significantly over the last week. I think I have gained around 2kg (4 lbs) in the space of 8 days. I am stressing about my weight/what i eat 24/7. I weigh myself before and after using the toilet. It's becoming so obsessive and without sounding over-dramatic, ruining my life. I even have started to purge meals when the guilt gets too much. Basically, i'm paranoid i've ruined my metabolism and i'm so frustrated that i can't eat a normal amount like my friends and stay within a reasonable weight range. I seriously don't know what i can do to get rid of this weight whilst being healthy and not starving myself :( Has anyone gone through something similar?? (ie. changing diet and experiencing scary weight gain??). Sorry for the long post :(

    Get in contact with your recovery team.
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,179 Member
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    Seek professional help. This is not something you can deal with advice you find on the internet. Good luck.
  • ohmscheeks
    ohmscheeks Posts: 840 Member
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    Yes, when I change my diet (for the worse), I experience scary weight gain. That's pretty much the only reason I joined MFP.

    Pseudo-therapist says that you are either (a) in denial about your habits while away from home, or (b) having an anorexic relapse. But, it's probably best to talk it out with a real therapist. :)
  • bunnypy
    bunnypy Posts: 109 Member
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    Shame sorry girl, I've been through the same thing and decided to fight for my life, I envied everyone around me because they ate their breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks without any worries and most of them stayed the same weight. I just wanted to be normal again, forgot about losing / gaining weight, had 3 (normal sized) meals a day and a snack for 2 months, and today here I am happy as a clap, sometimes I even forget I have to eat lunch, and to me that feels like an accomplishment :smiley: All the best!!!
  • beemerphile1
    beemerphile1 Posts: 1,710 Member
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    You are obsessing over a four pound fluctuation????? My weight fluctuates that much every day.

    Please seek professional help starting with a school counselor or your family doctor.
  • daralfox
    daralfox Posts: 4 Member
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    I have similar food problems and work hard to have better habits around food. I doubt I'll ever be normal, but I try to maintain my weight without binging or purging. I have trouble staying away from laxatives and either under or over eating. I lost 85 pounds gradually, starting in April of 2012 and have struggled to keep it off for the past year or so. Maintenance is hard and scary. I don't want to gain the weight back, but I don't always want to eat perfectly. I struggle with sweets and quantities. It is really hard some days. I actually pray to God for help and the willingness to go to any lengths to keep away from binging and purging. I live day by day. Thanks for writing about your struggles. It helps me to know others have the same problems.
  • deceived1
    deceived1 Posts: 281 Member
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    A 4 pound fluctuation is completely normal. Like an earlier poster said, I can step on the scale at X weight in the morning, and be X+5lbs by the evening. These fluctuations are normal.

    As everyone else said, you should seek professional help immediately.

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