Its hard staying motivated when ur better half isnt really into it

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jnewton909
jnewton909 Posts: 15 Member
in Motivation and Support
its crazy how hard it is to stay motivated when your partner isnt on the same page as you even grocery shopping is much diffrent my cart is full of nothing but organic heathier foods while hers is more of the "junk" food items ... Which more the likely will lead to an arguement ... when this weight loss journey was decided between the both of us i just stuck to it

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  • whmscll
    whmscll Posts: 2,254 Member
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    Why does it lead to an argument? Can't each of you just eat what you want? My husband is not watching calories in any way while I am trying to lose and we don't have any conflicts.
  • jnewton909
    jnewton909 Posts: 15 Member
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    Because all i here is complaints daily of how she would like to change as far as weight and health but it seems its all talk and no action and when i try to help the arguments begin
  • LoreA1960
    LoreA1960 Posts: 108 Member
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    My husband is not trying to lose weight and I do all the shopping. I buy him ice cream, cookies and the like. For some unexplainable reason it doesn't bother me. I do ask that he keeps the cookies and non frozen stuff away from my sight. You unfortunately cannot force someone to take care of their health. She may say she wants to change but actions speak louder than words. Please don't let it deter you from your path to better health and well being. Maybe seeing your success will motivate her. Good luck! :)
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    jnewton909 wrote: »
    Because all i here is complaints daily of how she would like to change as far as weight and health but it seems its all talk and no action and when i try to help the arguments begin

    Stop talking to her about weight and food if you want to live a harmonious life. Sometimes the partner catches on eventually on her own. For now, stay out of it and leave her alone.
    Congrats on your weight loss. Keep feeling good about what you are doing to help yourself. :):):)
  • ms_maruska
    ms_maruska Posts: 119 Member
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    I don't think you can talk someone into changing their lifestyle so fundamentally. My SO and I have learned to make separate meals when we need to and some of them we eat together. She's a vegetarian and I'm not and we respect each other, I have a wheat intolerance and she doesn't so we have to deal with that too. In addition to that, I'm dieting now and she's very skinny and has no weight problems, eats everything. Sometimes it bothers me, if I'm being tempted or having a craving and I tell her and she moves out of sight, and most of times, it doesn't bother me and I eat cherries and she eats a bar of chocolate.

    You both have your own choices and need to respect them. Your partner might be more motivated by watching you progress rather than being pushed away from it by constant arguments. It's your journey after all, so focus on yourself and give her time and space. And keep it up :)
  • jnewton909
    jnewton909 Posts: 15 Member
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    Thanks for all the great advice everyone
  • plo4u
    plo4u Posts: 14 Member
    edited June 2015
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    My husband did MFP with me a year ago and then we stopped and now I'm doing it myself and it is harder.
    My husband and son were both on the couch eating ice cream with M&Ms on it yesterday while I did yoga in front of them. I just get myself skinny cow candy or ice cream so I could feel like I was sharing in their dessert festival and try to keep on track.
    I stopped trying to push him to do it with me but I can relate to the small arguments. He keeps saying "just eat it, it's fine." Not helpful.
    Keep it up! I agree that maybe your success will maybe help her get motivated.
  • rachael00679
    rachael00679 Posts: 186 Member
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    My partner doesn't do mfp. It doesn't impact on what I put into my body or whether I go out and exercise at all.
    Why would it lead to an argument? Be responsible for yourself. She can do the same. Just because your all go on mfp doesn't mean she has to share your passion for change and you shouldn't expect her to.
    I still have cupboards full of crap food and soda in the fridge....I also have fruit and veg and make healthy meals. Tonight I made pizza for everyone.... I ate a salad.
    It's not rocket science.
  • rachael00679
    rachael00679 Posts: 186 Member
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    And if she's whining about wanting to change and not putting in effort to make that change tell her to knock it off. I can see how that would get frustrating and annoying pretty fast.
  • shancourcy16
    shancourcy16 Posts: 49 Member
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    I totally hear where you are coming from, it is tough but just continue on your journey and keeo it up. She may eventually want to join you, feel free to add me we can try and motivate each other to stay on the right path!
  • RobertDupuy
    RobertDupuy Posts: 48 Member
    edited June 2015
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    Wow, my wife and I were not always on the same page. She weighs 100 lbs which is her ideal weight and has never varied by more than a couple pounds. We are not big about arguing but we were not on the same page. She has no temptation issue with food, whereas I did. I really wanted her to not buy sweets and leave them on the table. Her argument was that I put the food in my mouth, don't do it. We are on the same page now. She still buys sweets but hides them out of sight. Except for sweets, though, her diet was a healthy one of salads and fruits and soups...and I used to go by myself to Hardee's. Now her diet and mine are close. It took us about....oh 13 years to come to a compromise...lol :smile:
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
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    My husband is a larger man, hes over 300lbs. Right now he has no interest in my journey and thats fine. We have more things to talk about besides health or fitness anyway so it isn't a big deal. Ive just learned that i cant force him to do it and he will have to do it when hes ready. He buys cookies, cakes, candy and so on. It doesn't bother me any because its up to me if i eat it or not. He isnt forcing me to eat it, its my choice. I just had to realize that this is up to me and nobody can derail me unless i let them.
  • Chucky9371
    Chucky9371 Posts: 38 Member
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    My husband and I are finally on the same page regarding health and fitness. However, this wasn't always the case. He has been 100% committed to healthy eating ( no fried foods, lots of organic vegetables and fruit an so on) while I continued to happily consume fried chicken, cookies, and whatever I liked. Now I am finally starting to embrace his much healthier lifestyle! (3 years later!). Did this pose a problem for us when we were not on the same page? Not really! Once your partner sees the positive changes you have made and the health benefits that follow, (He lost 35lbs in 6 months!) she may decide to get back on board. If not, you continue on your journey with nonjudgmental encouragement and hopefully she'll recognize the positive changes you have made and get back on board. Stay the course!
  • gothicfires
    gothicfires Posts: 240 Member
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    I had to move into my mother's home about 8 years ago. At that time I had dropped down to 150lbs and added some holiday weight. But I was forced to move back into her home. I had no money. Of course I could have asked my mother to buy me specific foods. She would have done so. But for herself she bought nothing but crap. Then she wouldn't eat it because she was rarely home and ate out most of the time. So here was food that I didn't want to eat but I felt tremendous guilt because if i didn't eat it and it got thrown away then we would be wasting money. I had argument after argument with her. I begged her to loose weight with me and I begged her to stop buying all the crap she was bringing in.

    Her response to me was 'you don't have to eat it.'

    It took a long time to get over the guilt of wasted food. I just dropped a pack of pork chops in the trash yesterday because they were so old that i didn't feel right even giving them to the dog. She still buys me food but I buy most of my own now. I have to look out for me. I would love for her to loose weight. She has the same genetic problem as me thought not as severe as I do, so being over weight isn't easy on her joints and it causes her pain. But she isn't going to change until she is ready.

    You need to do what is right for you. I don't think it unreasonable to expect your wife to compromise a little. I have found at times that my mom would hide food in her room so I wouldn't be tempted. But it is only recently that the temptation doesn't matter to me anymore. I have decided that I don't want to put those things in my body. I didn't eat one doughnut the last time she brought them in the house. If her food is going bad I feed it to the dog or I through it away.

    The main reason is I even opened your thread is because you called her your better half. She should be your equal half. You are worth the good you to for yourself. If she is going to be able to be your equal half while and after you do this for yourself has nothing to do with eating habits. I wish you luck.
  • JTB51
    JTB51 Posts: 60 Member
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    My wife and I had the same issue. I was trying to avoid buying sweets. I am never tempted to buy them, but once they are in the house I can't stop eating them. It always resulted in an argument when I would do the groceries and not come how with some sort of desert. I finally realized that I can't stoper her. So I just pushed myself and built up my will power, Now that I have lost 30 lbs, she is finally coming around
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    Do your own thing. Let her do hers. Don't preach or judge her food or efforts.
    She could lose weight solely eating low nutrition higher calorie foods if she still sticks to the right number of calories for her goal. Maybe the thought of throwing out all the food she likes makes it very hard for her to stick with a plan for long. Changes need to be sustainable. If she brings up wanting to lose weight again suggest that she set up a MFP account and eat whatever fits the calorie goal she is giving. After seeing how much some stuff is she might choose to eat less of those foods on her own.
    No one else in my house needs to lose weight. They eat the food they like including chips, cookies, ice cream, etc. I eat a lot of the same foods that they do but my portions have to be an appropriate size for my calorie goal. I choose other foods that fit my goals better and are more satisfying for the amount of calories.

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