1 year later....life after competing!

So, here I am a year after my final competition.....(the dress hides a lot)!




Sometimes I say, "I wish I never did it" and other times I'm so happy to have gone through it, proving to myself and all the nay-sayers out there that I can do whatever I set my mind to. That I am STRONG willed, persistent, and all around amazing! Which, I AM, duh!!!

Why do I say I wish I never had? Well, here goes:


I don't feel "normal" anymore. I always say to my husband, "I just want to be normal again". After dieting, training, and looking the way you do for competitions, regular life just seems "wrong" or "not enough" in some twisted way. I almost feel like I developed an unhealthy relationship with food where it is an ALL or NOTHING mentality. I either eat ALL (everything and anything, anytime with no regard for moderation or cheat meals) or NOTHING. Not "literally" nothing. What I mean is no cheats at all, therefore, leaving me feeling that I'm "fat" or "undisciplined" if I eat something indulgent or deprived if I eat in a completely clean way.


The happy medium I once lived so blissfully in was GONE. Happy medium, you ask? I'll tell you.


Before I ever competed I used to live in a perfect little world where I worked out/trained during the week 4-5 days, ate relatively good and on the weekends, if I had a party, event, or function to attend, I'd go and actually ENJOY it along with the food and drinks. I was able to keep myself at my goal weight of 123 (when being really good) to 128 (when I'd let up a little). I'd maintained that weight for as long as I can remember. At least 20+ years. I've been working on getting to that happy medium once again. I went up to 140 after my last show in June (2014). Yes, I do realize and can see that I've put on some muscle mass, but I KNOW I didn't put on 12lbs of muscle! Right now I'm working on getting myself back down to 128-133, as only 5lbs of my weight gain is probably muscle. I've been up and down from 150-139 in the past year and no matter what I've done cannot get back down. I've busted my *kitten* in the gym, dieted like I did before and nothing. My metabolism has been damaged from the extreme dieting involved in competing. My body is holding onto literally everything I eat and not responding to any cardio. I really wish someone would have warned me about this, not that I would have listened! I'm currently at 147 and trying to reverse the damage done by only lifting and doing some HIIT sessions, NO CARDIO and no extreme dieting. I've read up a lot on metabolic damage and this seems to be the only way to fix it. I just have to be patient and not be so hard on myself. Easier said than done.


All this said, I won't compete again. It's a taxing life....on your wallet, emotions, and body. I'm 41, it's not like I'm going to become a PRO and make this my "bread and butter". For me, it was more of a challenge...Which I completed gloriously! Bucket list checked off and I'M PRETTY DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF!



xoxoxo, BLING