Too much on my plate

Hey there! I have IBD myself. I have been living with Ulcerative Colitis since July of 2010 (going on five years). It can be very managable for some and completely dibilitating for others, so I can understand feeling overwhelmed. Your husband's experience is my greatest fear. When I was first diagnosed, I had holes in several layers of tissue and my body was starting to shut down. My health yo-yo-ed for years. More than one specialist warned me that although I was confirmed UC and not Chron's, there would always be a chance that a colectomy would result in a new diagnosis. And I have been very close to surgery on more than one occasion. Let me just say, that I am so sorry for what you are both going through. There is not nearly enough attention given to this disease and its impact.
Although I am on a similar diet to yourself for obvious medical reasons, I understand your pain in regards to weight gain. When you have other stressful events in your life, limited diet coupled with weight gain is just another straw on the camel's back. Since my original diagnosis (granted I was VERY sick and I am now sort of nearing remission), I have gained 70 pounds. It sucks. My metabolism is shot to hell and my organs are still learning to accept fiber. Some days my colon just flat refuses to play along. ONLY dietary benefit of this disease: my body does not like greasy, fatty, or fried foods (although I do).
My advice to you would be: portions, substitutions, and low-cal-low-fiber options. Starches and carbs are often high in calories and not long-term filling (for me at least), so smaller portions are not necessarily fun, but they are necessary for me to acheive a calorie deficit and lose weight. Substitutions might be the best path for you. It's not fun to cook two separate meals (probably part of why my cooking has caused my boyfriend to gain weight). However, substituting one portion can make a huge difference. If your husband is eating chicken, applesause, and rice, consider swapping rice for veggies on your own plate. Almost all of the starches can be easily exchanged for something lower in calories if you don't mind cooking one side for him and another for yourself (or just raw veg). Of course, I understand that you might feel guilty doing so. Often my family has avoided eating high-fiber or "danger" foods around me because they know how much I miss them. I LOVE veggies. If you feel like this is the case, there are ways you can decrease starches while still being safe, together. All of these options are dependent on your husband's dietary restrictions of course. One: juicing. People on this site constantly complain that juicing is not effective because most juicers remove the fiber, but that's exactly what I need. Two: health shakes/protien powders, etc. Not exactly awesome, but not bad either. A low calorie chocolate shake mix blended with yogurt, milk, and banana is an awesome breakfast. Three: cook/stew the crap out of some veg. Sometimes if veggies are lower in fiber and also cooked to death (really soft) I can digest them without a problem.

Anyways, I really hope this is helpful. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope your husband goes into remission soon. IBD sucks, but our lives don't have to.