Anyone else have a very fit and thin spouse/SO?
bluellies
Posts: 82 Member
When I met hubby I was 5'7 and 120lbs. Three kids and disc degeneration later I'm almost 5'6 and SW was 188.6. He was then, and is now, 5'7 and 135lbs. Oh, and he also comes complete with smokin' hot arms (sigh, my weak point on a man), wash board stomach, and legs that I would KILL to have.
I want to make it clear that, for whatever reason, he still finds me attractive. Don't have any issues in that department on his end, it's all me. Of course he's behind me with losing weight, and would like to see me lose for multiple reasons, but me being heavy isn't an issue in our relationship.
Now, with that being said, it's harder than hell to lose the weight with him! He works in the construction field, and for the last few years he's been doing architectural sheetmetal,mainly installing skylights. He's in a harness way up in the air, using his arms, shoulders, legs, whatever. He's super active at work, and always doing something at home. The man consumes massive quantities of calories, usually 1000 before lunch. And he doesn't understand how I can eat just a bit more than that in my whole day.
He's constantly offering me food. Thinks it's OK if I have just a handful of his greasy popcorn, if I have just one fully leaded Dr.Pepper, or an ice cream. Offers me bread, passes me the butter...you name it, and he's offering it to me. Not shoving it down my throat, doesn't seem to matter when I always decline, but he's always offering. I've asked him not to, explained that I don't mind watching him eat (usually, some days it's just killer to see what goes down his gob), but if he could refrain from asking it would help me out. He says he's just being nice, and he doesn't understand why a little bit would hurt. And I truly believe that he doesn't understand, he's never had an issue with weight. Never. And when I cook at home for him and the kids (I've been a vegetarian for years, only eating meat if we don't have the money for me to get my protein other ways) I use a lot of whole foods that aren't always calorie friendly. Real butter, thick cut farm bacon, I make rolls, bread, and pastries from scratch, pies, calzones...the only food that comes in a box in my house is generally cereal and pasta. I make my own bbq sauce, can veggies...you get the idea. He should be as big as a house! My meals are healthy in moderation (don't want you thinking the kids aren't eating healthy), but he has no concept of it. He'll eat four sticky buns. These are massive, and I use over half a pound of butter in them.
Whew! Sorry for the long rant. I just wanted to know if anyone else was in my shoes, and how they dealt with their spouse's kind hearted, although ill placed offerings.
I want to make it clear that, for whatever reason, he still finds me attractive. Don't have any issues in that department on his end, it's all me. Of course he's behind me with losing weight, and would like to see me lose for multiple reasons, but me being heavy isn't an issue in our relationship.
Now, with that being said, it's harder than hell to lose the weight with him! He works in the construction field, and for the last few years he's been doing architectural sheetmetal,mainly installing skylights. He's in a harness way up in the air, using his arms, shoulders, legs, whatever. He's super active at work, and always doing something at home. The man consumes massive quantities of calories, usually 1000 before lunch. And he doesn't understand how I can eat just a bit more than that in my whole day.
He's constantly offering me food. Thinks it's OK if I have just a handful of his greasy popcorn, if I have just one fully leaded Dr.Pepper, or an ice cream. Offers me bread, passes me the butter...you name it, and he's offering it to me. Not shoving it down my throat, doesn't seem to matter when I always decline, but he's always offering. I've asked him not to, explained that I don't mind watching him eat (usually, some days it's just killer to see what goes down his gob), but if he could refrain from asking it would help me out. He says he's just being nice, and he doesn't understand why a little bit would hurt. And I truly believe that he doesn't understand, he's never had an issue with weight. Never. And when I cook at home for him and the kids (I've been a vegetarian for years, only eating meat if we don't have the money for me to get my protein other ways) I use a lot of whole foods that aren't always calorie friendly. Real butter, thick cut farm bacon, I make rolls, bread, and pastries from scratch, pies, calzones...the only food that comes in a box in my house is generally cereal and pasta. I make my own bbq sauce, can veggies...you get the idea. He should be as big as a house! My meals are healthy in moderation (don't want you thinking the kids aren't eating healthy), but he has no concept of it. He'll eat four sticky buns. These are massive, and I use over half a pound of butter in them.
Whew! Sorry for the long rant. I just wanted to know if anyone else was in my shoes, and how they dealt with their spouse's kind hearted, although ill placed offerings.
0
Replies
-
Yes! Yes! Yes! My husband was a hockey player and used to have a very lean physique and low bf percentage...he is still in amazing shape. He also is Italian and cooks amazingly wonderful meals all the times and would try and force feed me EVERYTHING. I just had to make it very clear to him that I love him, but I eat differently than he does. We just agreed to disagree about food. I eat clean, fresh, green and organic... he eats, well, different
I also made it clear that I wanted to feed my kids the way that I eat. Fortunately because of my son's special needs, that was a no brainer and we had to go that route. Now he has gained about 20 lbs... but doesn't dare touch the "healthy" stuff. Maybe someday he will learn 0 -
That my husband, he won't touch what I eat. Money is a bit tight right now, but as soon as the garden starts producing I will be all over the fresh veggies. He has slowly gotten used to not eating a ton of processed junk, but like I said in my post you can use whole foods and still eat high cal/fat.
He's not a cook, but he never gets why I don't cook what I eat/bake. Occasionally I'll have a very small piece, or make a mini for me, but usually I just stay away. As far as the kids eating what I eat, he's a mighty hunter and couldn't stand the idea of the kids being veg heads. We compromised, and if they don't want what I make for dad they'll eat what I'm having. I always get a big kick when my kids say they want to be vegetarians...until I pull out the smoker and they decide they'll convert next week
I wish he'd gain a bit of weight like yours did, I've been telling him for years that it will catch up to him. Luckily for him his whole family is this way, and the weight will probably never happen. I do get him screened for cholesterol and such yearly, when he's on his own he eats horrendously.0 -
My husband is super thin and can eat anything, but I swear I look at food and I gain 10 pounds. When we got married I was 5'10 and weighed 140. Now another baby and 2 years later, Im still 5'10 and weight 200...
0 -
Amen sister! My hubby isn't fit and thin, but he can lose 10 lbs by just thinking about it. He looks good, probably could stand to lose 20 lbs - whereas I need to lose another 50. But he does the same thing... I dont want ice cream, but he buys it twice a week, eats it in front of me... "want some ice cream?? I got your favorite!!" in that tempting tone... when I say no, he sits next to me, scoops some up on his spoon and puts it in my face! "just one bite..." ugh! or chips, snacks whatever... I hate it! He's gotten a little better, but not much.0
-
My Husband isn't necessarily "fit" but he's naturally lean and has a nice tall 6'0 lean body - he's a professional golfer and in the off season this year, he's delivering pizzas (his favorite food) and often gets frood from work for free and brings it home. Are you kidding me? I've eaten the same (THE SAME) things he has for the last 2 years, he lost 3 lbs.. I gained 40.............. Blasphemous demons!!! I wish I had soaring testosterone.
When I met my husband I weighed 255 - I lost 90lbs during the beginning years of our relationship together (because I wanted to - I was 24 and couldn't walk up a flight of stairs... really???) and the only reason anything changed between us was becuase of how good I was feeling. Now that I've gained 40 back, I feel like I'm right back where I started. He still loves me, thick or thin, but I have to love me before I can truly see how he feels. It sucks 0 -
My husband is super thin and can eat anything, but I swear I look at food and I gain 10 pounds. When we got married I was 5'10 and weighed 140. Now another baby and 2 years later, Im still 5'10 and weight 200...
I use weight gain as a sex deterrent with my kids. My girls are in awesome shape (my seven year old can do 8 pull ups on the pull up bar if she climbs on the counter and latches on herself, or 14 if someone picks her up to it), and they wonder why I'm heavy. I let them know that pregnancy can change a woman's body
Of course, I use just about anything I can to deter them from having sex to young. 0 -
Amen sister! My hubby isn't fit and thin, but he can lose 10 lbs by just thinking about it. He looks good, probably could stand to lose 20 lbs - whereas I need to lose another 50. But he does the same thing... I dont want ice cream, but he buys it twice a week, eats it in front of me... "want some ice cream?? I got your favorite!!" in that tempting tone... when I say no, he sits next to me, scoops some up on his spoon and puts it in my face! "just one bite..." ugh! or chips, snacks whatever... I hate it! He's gotten a little better, but not much.
Oh! I forgot to mention, the first week I started dieting we went to Dariy Queen THREE TIMES! I was like, seriously???? The first time I had a mini blizzard, but when I got home and looked up the calories I about died. The other two times I had a diet Orange Julius, but wow. He doesn't egg me on to eat or anything like that, but it's harder than hell to keep on track with it all over the place. I have so far, this is by far the best I've ever done. Three weeks in and I haven't gone over more than a few calories any day.0 -
I can totally relate to you and your hubby! I am in the EXACT same situation except my hubby doesnt have to do anything to have a great body. It just is. He tries to get me to eat his crap food too but I have just learned to say no. He doesnt push too hard but he does offer and there are times I am tempted but over all I just maintain a 'nope' and I feel much better for it. I know it sucks, but hey, at least they dont put us down the road for being heavy and they are happy to support us 0
-
Bevvykins--I gained my weight after children as well. Lost it after my second, but gained it back and then some after my third.
And Pamela3--when you mentioned that he loves you thick or thin, but you have to lose to see it his way...that is EXACTLY how I feel. I personally couldn't imagine him loving the way I look now. I know that's my own insecurities, but in this instance I'm going for it, another reason to lose. I'm tired of being unhappy with the way I look, and it's affecting our relationship. Nothing on his end, it's me not wanting to do anything because of my self image. Losing is improving it, though.0 -
My husband had ALWAYS been thinner than me. He is 6 ft 2 180 lbs (at the moment) but when I met him he was 155lbs. I was 160 lbs when I met him and 5 ft 4. He likes his women with meat on their bones (so do I, I dislike skinny women but LOVE the athletic ones, they look much more healthier).
I get upset when he wants to feed me his french fries, his chicken nuggets, his ....something really high cal no nutrient food.... I know he is just being loving but I MUST have my vegetables , which he HATES. We will see how this goes, he isnt as supportive like I would like him to be but he isnt trying to sabotage my efforts quite yet.0 -
Bevvykins--I gained my weight after children as well. Lost it after my second, but gained it back and then some after my third.
And Pamela3--when you mentioned that he loves you thick or thin, but you have to lose to see it his way...that is EXACTLY how I feel. I personally couldn't imagine him loving the way I look now. I know that's my own insecurities, but in this instance I'm going for it, another reason to lose. I'm tired of being unhappy with the way I look, and it's affecting our relationship. Nothing on his end, it's me not wanting to do anything because of my self image. Losing is improving it, though.
I feel you, my weight keeps me from doing more than just being intimate with him - I'm a grumpy biotch when I lead an unhealty life and am unhappy wit myself.. I don't know how he does it, becuase I don't even like living with myself sometimes. He says it's a challenge, but he loves challenges and that's why he likes it. LOL I don't know if I should be offended or not.....0 -
Loves challenges...I lol'd at that one
And Mericksmom, feel free to add me if you need any extra support. (hopefully I got the right screen name down) Sometimes I think it's harder for those who have thinner spouses/SOs, it's so easy to get discouraged. Especially if they say things like why don't you just quit, you're miserable, I love you the way you are, etc.
And yes, I AM glad that he's still around. I have a friend that is going through a divorce because her husband just up and said he wasn't attracted to her anymore 0 -
Loves challenges...I lol'd at that one
And Mericksmom, feel free to add me if you need any extra support. (hopefully I got the right screen name down) Sometimes I think it's harder for those who have thinner spouses/SOs, it's so easy to get discouraged. Especially if they say things like why don't you just quit, you're miserable, I love you the way you are, etc.
And yes, I AM glad that he's still around. I have a friend that is going through a divorce because her husband just up and said he wasn't attracted to her anymore
Now, that's a shallow *kitten*! The grass is ALWAYS greener and he'll realize what he left behind!
I'm going to bed or I'm going to go get taco bell and I REALLY don't want to do that - nice talking to you all! Have a good night!0 -
How about telling your husbands to bring you flowers instead of food to make you happy.0
-
Night Pamela! I should be hitting the hay as well. Waiting for my late night stack to process though
And about the flowers--he actually did buy me some the other day! I was shocked, as it wasn't Mother's day or anything like that. It's an awesome idea though, I love having flowers for the table.0 -
My boyfriend is 6'4 and about 150... very tiny thin. He doesn't necessarily eat that badly, like some of you are saying, I think he actually mostly sticks to reasonable calorie totals. He runs, and is starting to work out more, and is completely supportive of me losing weight, although he doesn't quite understand why I want to - as he has a more "victorian" taste in women. I actually used to be somewhat concerned that he wouldn't be attracted to me anymore if I lost weight, but I'm pretty much over that.
All that having been said, there is one thing that kills me. He BAKES. I mean, constantly. "What do you want to do tonight honey?" "Let's make chocolate chip cookies... and Scones... and Croissants... and Pies". It's all such amazing freshly baked yummy goodness, and he's so proud of himself for baking it, it's so hard to say no. I think it's always been his thing that makes ladies swoon, so he doesn't quite know how to take it when I get sad when he bakes... It's also somewhat difficult when we go out to eat, because he is of the same opinion as everyone elses skinny SO's... "Just eat it - what difference does one meal make. Let's order dessert". For instance, this last weekend, do to a variety of unfortunate circumstances we ended up eating out a lot. When I mentioned that I had gained 3lbs over the weekend, his response was "It was worth it". Bahh! I don't think so!!!
The other annoying part is his family... Don't get me wrong, I love them to death. I mean, really, they are great and have been so welcoming to me - I live about 3 blocks from their house so we end up eating dinner over there pretty often. His mom is always getting this cute little concerned look on her face, and asking if I liked the meal, because I didn't eat enough. I've explained before that I'm dieting, but I try not to talk about it too much, as I've been told it's not exactly comfortable for polite conversation...
So yeah. [/rant]0 -
my best friend wants to date me. he is over the top skinny so is his dad. they can eat absolutely everything and not gain weight. he finds me super sexy even though next to him i look like a whale and on top of that he looks way younger than he really is and i'm afraid of getting weird looks. so i told him that i would give him a change as soon as i lose weight. it motivates me and gives me a reason to keep going. the thing is that my weight isnt an issue for him @ all0
-
SwinginChandra--I agree, totally not worth the gain! It must be hard when he likes larger women, my sister is in a similar boat. And what about finding a place to donate the baked goods? School bake sales, community fund raisers? I'm a baker as well, but I have no problem not eating my own. Part of the reason I bake so much, by the time I'm done you usually couldn't force me to eat it. As long as the family eats it quickly (and they usually do) there isn't much chance of me nibbling.0
-
yes! My wonderful hubby was a football player/wrestler/mma fighter, and is in the Army, he did put on a FEW "baby pounds" with me when I was pregnant but barely noticeable. It sounds stupid, but I HATE that he always tells me I am beautiful! When I gave birth I weighed 183 (used to weigh 120) and he still told me I looked beautiful and that he "didnt notice" that I was heavier. Kind of kills my motivation, because how am I supposed to know when I REALLY look good, if he thinks I ALWAYS do??0
-
I can definitely relate to this one. My hubby is also in the Army and does PT regularly. BUT, he lives on junk food, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and chocolate cake, he never eats veggies and consumes an insane amount of sugar daily. This man never gains weight...he actually loses it. His eating habits are atrocious and should negate whatever gains he gets from exercise. MEN!! i was also in the Army, but there is no way I could have made weight if I adopted his dietary habits. He always tells me he will love me no matter how much I weigh, and just wants me to be happy with myself, regardless of what the scale may say. I do agree with other posts when I don't believe him when he says I look great, because he's seen me thin and somewhat overweight, and his responses are always the same. I'm not buying it! Especially when his assessment contradicts what I see in the mirror. But hey, I'm happy to have someone who loves me even when I may not love myself.0
-
I HATE being heavier than my husband! He 6'1, 145-150 pounds at his thinnest. He's extremely naturally lean and thin, but somehow he still has AMAZING arms (I'm a sucker for 'em) and that beautiful inverted triangle shape that fit guys have. He used to be 180, pure muscle, before I met him. But then he stopped lifting weights for various reasons. I'm 5'3, and I have no idea how much I weighed when I first met him. I would guess about 145. I gained about 10 pounds after we started dating, but it doesn't matter how bad I think I look, he is always telling me I'm beautiful/sexy blah blah blah. It isn't as good as it sounds! It's frustrating because I can't see what he sees! Now that I'm back in the 140's I definitely feel smaller but I would still love to lose about 10-15 more pounds simply to put a large weight buffer between us. He's pretty good about not offering my food if I stress that I'm trying to cut out sweets/eat healthier. But the first week I started on MFP he took me to Dairy Queen to meet with friends,...twice! And acted shocked when I wouldn't order my usual blizzard or peanut buster parfait -drool- I wish I had his metabolism....0
-
allibawtez, I don't know how he manages to be in shape when he eats calorie packed MRE's everyday!0
-
allibawtez, I don't know how he manages to be in shape when he eats calorie packed MRE's everyday!0
-
Oh my goodness ladies you have hit the nail on the head with this one! I also have a soldier for an "other half" and he is ripped!! When we first got together 3 years ago I fell in love with his arms/shoulders before we even spoke! The first time we went for dinner, I couldnt believe how much he ate! In fact everytime i saw him after that I think he had something in his mouth! It makes me sick as I've put on about 30lbs since we met (and i'm only 5'5!) and he has the tiniest, weeniest, pathetic love handles next to his washboard stomach and he thinks he's fat!!!
Oe thing I will say though is he has NEVER commented on my weight - he has listened to me whine on, cry, throw tantrums while getting dressed and ocassionally canning dinner dates because I had nothing to wear and just put his arms around me and told me i'm still gorgeous. And I thank him for that - in fact I thank him every single week for putting up with me - I know I couldnt do it lol!
Even now I have lost almost 20lbs and he is overseas for 6 months so not seen and he's begging me not to lose my bum!! Baby - that was the first thing I worked on!!!0 -
I am so glad that there are others with a similar situation to me. Makes it easier to cope 0
-
LOL @ Tawneekay0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.2K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 421 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions