Struggling.
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ltgordon526
Posts: 15 Member
I am feeling tonight like I will never lose weight. I thought I had found the answer when my doctor diagnosed me with insulin resistance, but even taking medicine, I'm still hungry and have cravings all the time. I've logged my meals for a month and a half and haven't been under goal but once or twice. My whole body hurts, I'm always tired, even at my very strenuous outdoor job I don't get more than 5000 steps per day and after working in the heat for seven hours I do not feel like working out. I know that the answer is to "just do it" but I don't know how. I've been dieting since I was 12- that's 13 years. More than half my life. I've never been successful. I'm hungry and tired all the time. My libido is low, I'm irritable. I want to be healthy. I don't know how to get myself in the right frame of mind. I've had long periods, up to a year, of clean eating with little weight loss (20 lbs, ten of which I've gained back). I've been so optimistic and felt so good and strong and healthy that I laughed at the thought of ever backsliding. I've seen the light and still ended up back down here in the ditch. I will be sick and then I will die if I don't change my ways but these habits of mine are so ingrained now. The damage has been done to my body and now the descent is much steeper and longer and harder to navigate. I believe I am strong enough and smart enough to do this, but after so much failure I feel helpless. I can't figure out an exercise plan that won't throw out my bad knee. Even yogic stretches cause swelling. My doctor thinks I can lose 30 lbs in three months and it's been one and a half and I haven't lost anything. Maybe two or three pounds. I want to cry. I have so long resisted being a poor fat sad sack making excuses for why she can't stop stuffing food in her face but that's exactly how I feel now, along with despair because I don't want to make excuses. I don't want to overeat. I find myself standing in the kitchen eating cake over the sink with my hands or I wake up in the morning and remember with a sick stomach and self disgust the 2 am trip to Taco Bell. I have long periods where I can deny myself these stints of mindless, ravenous eating but no matter how long I resist, the moment I give myself some slack, the binger inside is still sitting there, rubbing her hands together, ready to get back to her old tricks. Every time I think I've figured it out and finally might not have to fight against myself every single day, I'm wrong. I just don't know what to do. And Probably no one else here knows what to do either. I just needed to vent into the void so I can try to get some sleep.
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I'm sorry. It's terrible to feel so discouraged. I know, I've felt the way you do now many times. I've been fat and thin and in between, and now I'm fat agin. And I'll get thin again, but because I've never TRULY dealt with the issues in my relationship with food, I don't have a huge amount of confidence that I'll keep it off forever.
It sounds like you need more support. Do you live with people or a partner who can help by being a point of accountability?
If you have the resources, I think some counseling might be helpful too.
Sometimes you have a *kitten* day and need to let it all out. I get that.
I just want you to know that there are others out there who have struggled mightily and continue to do so, just like you. Sending light and love your way.0 -
Sorry you are going through this. It takes some serious discipline to not eat whatever you want, whenever you want. I would also do the 2 am fast food run or for ice cream. You need to think of these kinds of foods as a treat, something you dont have very often. Its ok to treat yourself, but only do it like, once a week. Once you get in that mindset, you will get excited when that day comes around. You could try and squeeze a little something within your limit everyday, if you wanted - its possible! That way, you could look forward to the end of the day when you have that snack waiting for you - and after you've had it, you need to be strict with yourself and wait until the next time to have it again! When you can grab a hold of the situation, you should find it easier to stay on the right track. You just have to keep up with the mindset, track and weigh everything you eat, but don't starve yourself. You dont need to workout if you dont feel like it at the moment. Just take it one step at a time. You did it before, just try to get your head back in the game and you can do it again. It was brave of you to post that. Show yourself that you are worth the effort!0
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Edited
Your doctor's plan is unrealistic.ltgordon526 wrote: »My doctor thinks I can lose 30 lbs in three months and it's been one and a half and I haven't lost anything.
Find another doctor who has at least two working brain cells.
You could benefit from a therapist who will help you deal with these feelings.
For now, pay no mind to exercise. Most weight loss is mostly about the amount of food we are eating.
The first thing I had to do was overhaul the kitchen and pantry . . . get rid of food and appliances that were in the way of my plan and bring new ones in. I completely cleared off the counter so I had tools I needed, esp. food scale.
I had some help from hubby. He has learned not to bring stuff home and if he does, it is not supposed to sit around because he has to eat it that day.
Most importantly, no one is perfect. It is o.k. to have good moments in the day along with some not so good moments.
Be as kind to yourself as you are to other people.
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ltgordon526 wrote: »I just don't know what to do. And Probably no one else here knows what to do either. I just needed to vent into the void so I can try to get some sleep.
Actually there are plenty of people here who do know what to do when it comes to weight loss.
From reading your vent it seems you would benefit from dealing with the following:
1. You dont understand the physical process of losing weight. It simply requires you to consume less than you burn so that the resilt is you are at a consistent calorific deficit for a sustained period and you will lose. You can get the basics of how this all works from the following 2 threads. Read and understand them and you will have a good basis upon which to formulate your plan.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1296011/calorie-counting-101/p1
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p1
At the moment you are simply eating more than you need or even think, hence you will gain or at least not lose weight. Te process begins by logging your food accurately and that really involves weighing it with a scale.
2. If you accept you are simply overeating (its unclear to me that you do), then its a mental thing and you need to commit by taking the whole thing seriously and doing what it takes consistently. If you cannot motivate yourself enough in carrying out a consistent deficit and your relationship with food is so dysfunctional then I suggest you go and see your Dr to get assistance or look into support groups like overeaters anonymous.
3. You misunderstand about the role of exercise, it burns calories, bit its about 80% diet and 20% exercise. Look to exercise for fitness and calorie deficit for weight loss. You cna lose (all things being equal) with exercise but its much harder to burn significant calories to lose than it is from simply reducing consumption. If you do exercise then do a combined program of resistance and cardio for weight loss as they do different complementary things. Pick something you enjoy and can sustain.
4. You appear to have misinformed yourself about several dieting myths, which have helped back you into a corner and added to your feeling of helplessness.- You will lose weight if you master being at a deficit.
- Your logging is innefective, see 1.
- You misinform yourself about the necessity for clean eating. Its the deficit that matters.
- You are hungry all the time, which indicates the types of food you are eating are not filling, so you should look for foods that fill you.
- You misinform yourself about exercise. Any movement is good, but all you need is a deficit. people start with walking and swimming or whatever movement you cna manage.
- You practice restriction and denial which can cause you to binge and approach a diet as torture, which results in you being unable to stick to it and binging. Its a lifestyle change and you should just eat less and that includes the things you enjoy, which is easier to adapt to.
- You need to work on your mindset, take responsibility, stop being a victim, less woe is me and start to think you know how to lose (see 1), take small steps, one day at a time amd progress tat way by focusing on each day and each pound to build consistency.
- Not many people will care if you lose weight or not, you have to care enough about yourself to do it, so decide whether you wnat to commit. All the basic information is in that guide. Good luck.
0 - You will lose weight if you master being at a deficit.
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Don't set a time limit on weight loss. If you eat at a deficit, the weight will come off when it comes off.
If you can't meet the calorie goal for 2 pounds a week, readjust your MFP goals to 1 pound a week or even 0.5 pounds a week. After you get the hang of meeting your daily goal then you can reassess if you want to try for 2 pounds a week. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
I barely exercise because of knee and back pain. I probably get about 500 steps in a typical day and a bit more on good days. Do what you can but don't stress over exercise. As stated above, the key part of weight loss is calorie intake.
You need to find foods that satisfy you and don't send you running off to Taco Bell in the middle of the night because you just can't take it anymore. There's nothing wrong with Taco Bell occasionally if you make choices that fit into your calorie goals but it doesn't sound like you are doing that. I keep tasty 300-calorie frozen dinners in the freezer for a quick meal and bags of frozen veggies for when I'm starving and want a lot to eat. I buy single-serving packs whenever possible and weigh every solid on a food scale and measure every liquid so that I know exactly how much I'm eating. I have a bag with individually wrapped 35-calorie pieces of chocolate for when I need some chocolate. The goal is to eat and not feel deprived.
If you are prone to binging, you may need to just keep some things out of the house for now until you find a satisfying food mix. You may find alternatives that don't cause you to binge but are just as satisfying or be able to slowly work them back into your eating plan.
Make it a habit to pre-log your food so that you can see how many calories you are eating before you eat. Some people pre-log entire days but I like more flexibility so I record immediately before I put anything into my mouth. If you pre-log, that allows you a bit of time to think about if you really want to eat that food and in what amount.
Record everything. If you have an off day, that data is just as important as the data for a good day. Keep a journal of what worked for you and what didn't. As time progresses, you can figure out what you need to do to reduce the number of off days.
You can do this! The important thing is to keep plugging away at it. Rome wasn't built in a day.0 -
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These may be related.ltgordon526 wrote: »I am feeling tonight like I will never lose weight... I've logged my meals for a month and a half and haven't been under goal but once or twice.
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ltgordon526 wrote: »I don't want to overeat. I find myself standing in the kitchen eating cake over the sink with my hands or I wake up in the morning and remember with a sick stomach and self disgust the 2 am trip to Taco Bell. I have long periods where I can deny myself these stints of mindless, ravenous eating but no matter how long I resist, the moment I give myself some slack, the binger inside is still sitting there, rubbing her hands together, ready to get back to her old tricks.
It sounds like you might suffer from Binge Eating Disorder (B.E.D.). I've struggled with this as well. It is psychologically much more deep-rooted than a simple lack of self-control, despite what society will tell you. I suggest you start by finding a good counselor or therapist. A good one will help you discover where these issues stem from and how you can learn to recognize and control them. If you can't afford professional counseling, you could also see if a local university has an internship program where a student could give you supervised counseling for free or a significant discount. Or if all else fails, there are several very good books out there now that might be beneficial to work through. However, if your insurance covers or if there is any way you can re-arrange your budget, it is worth paying for the professional help.0 -
1.) You need to be eating bulkier foods so you don't feel as hungry. Btu eat stuff you actually LIKE.
2.) Meet your calorie goals or you WILL never lose weight.
3.) Your outdoor job is sedentary if you're not walking 5,000 steps a day. It really is.
4.) Learn to recognize REAL hunger from just wanting to eat. There is a syndrome where you actually do feel hungry all the time, but it comes with a fairly serious mental handicap. And obviously, that's not you. You may not even recognize what real hunger feels like.
5.) Expect to feel ACTUALLY HUNGRY before each meal.
6.) If you have insulin resistance, this can make you hungrier, so stuff with a low glycemic index (not exactly the same as low carb) will really help you there.
7.) Recognize that it's actually okay to be hungry sometimes. It really is.
8.) One pound a week is PLENTY if it's all you can manage right now. The key is to get on the right track, one that's sustainable for the long term.
9.) Clean eating doesn't lose the weight. Calorie deficit does.
10.) A bad knee? Ahaha. Yeah, join the club. Most of my joints are chronically unstable. I have tears that can't be repaired and they're always in danger of partial dislocation. That doesn't stop you from losing weight. I've lost 22lbs since September. There are people on this site who are wheelchair bound who have lost and maintained their losses.
11.) Cut out the unplanned runs to fast food completely. Instead, look at the calories and plan some into your meals regularly.
12.) If at all possible, keep the stuff out of the house that you like to binge on. Don't even buy it. I have a bit of a "thing" for salty, crunchy things, so I get them like ONCE A MONTH, and then I portion them out to make sure I don't just eat that for two days straight instead of anything else. I know lots of people have self-control not to overindulge. WEEEEEELLLL, I don't. Not really. I can trick myself by putting things in mentally off-limits locations, like the garage, though.
13.) Replace your eating habit with SOMETHING else. Some of this is simply habitual. Break up the situations where you usually overindulge and avoid those triggers for a while. Eat all foods--every bite that you take in your house--sitting at your kitchen table, in a bowl or plate, measured out, with proper utensils, if applicable.
The fact is, right now...you're not actually on a diet of any sort at all. You're logging, but you're not restricting. So why do you feel hungry all the time? It's probably mostly psychological.
As you lose weight, your energy will rebound. I'd recommend walking (as much as your knee can handle) and weight lifting to start with, AFTER you're eating a deficit. For one, heavier people usually do well with weight lifting and often enjoy it as they find something that their body appears to be "naturally" good at. For another thing, traditional cardio can cause more injuries if you start it at too high a weight.0 -
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It seems like you've spent an awful long time getting to this point and state of mind, you can't expect to change everything overnight. Be patient and kind with yourself. Take ownership and responsibility. It's good to vent but no one can do this for you, you have to do it yourself and you have to want to do it for yourself. You will find that "Aha" moment eventually. All of the suggestions above are excellent but I think you should start with a clean slate. There are too many issues going, too many ideas, too many problems, too many road blocks, too many rules and things to think about. You can't take all of this on at once. Start by admitting to yourself that there are problems and you created the problems (real or not), you created them and you're fostering them. Give all of that up... no backward thinking, only forward motion from this moment. Decide that you want to lose 5 pounds. Eat less and move more. Set a goal and give yourself 30 days. Read the goal several times a day and use your willpower to keep yourself on track. It doesn't always have to be about eliminating something (giving something up), it can be about making a very small change, it can be about replacing something. Look at it in a positive light (e.g., I'm going to eat cake at 3 AM but not the whole cake, only half of the cake) Not a great example but you see what I mean. Give yourself permission to be mad and angry, find that fire in your belly and get fed up with how your life has been so far... get MAD at it and make some positive changes. Baby steps... Forget about all that has transpired. Bad habits can be broken and good habits established. I don't know you but I have all the faith in the world that you can do it. Don't talk badly about yourself. If you have a bad day, vent it out, get yourself a punching bag and a pair of gloves. Physical inujries get better with exercise... start small and slow and don't ever be ashamed of yourself. As long as you're trying, you're succeeding.0
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A few more things...
I've been dieting since I was 12- that's 13 years. More than half my life.Stop dieting. Diets don't work. Make small changes in terms of how you want to live the rest of your life.
but these habits of mine are so ingrained now.
Habits can be broken and/or created in only three weeks. Stop blaming past actions and take action to move forward with new habits.
I don't want to overeat.
Than DON'T. Enough said. Not complicated, just say No.
these stints of mindless, ravenous eating but no matter how long I resist, the moment I give myself some slack, the binger inside is still sitting there
Maybe you should seek actual face to face support. Overeaters anonymous is a good group. Check with your local medical center or hospital to see what kind of support groups run in your area. And don't say you don't have the time. Humans can always find the time for what they really want to do.0 -
Re knee issues, I'm going to plagiarize myself from another thread:
I have knee issues when I'm over a certain weight, but am still able to swim, walk in the woods (not on pavement), use a recumbent bike, and do yoga.
This veteran injured his legs while in the military and was told he would never walk again without crutches but transformed his health and life through yoga:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIXOo8D9Qsc
Best,
KK0 -
More on yoga, this time for binge eating:
How Yoga Can Help End Binge Eating
One breath at a time, end the suffering of binge-eating
...According to Juliano, yoga gives people the skills to stay with what they are feeling, rather than turning to food to escape. People who are obese or suffering from eating disorders have a tendency to dissociate from their bodies -- to choose not to feel what they are feeling when they are angry, anxious, or sad. Often, they turn to food to numb themselves. "There's this sense that I have to feel better right now, " Juliano says. "There is a complete intolerance of what is happening right now." This need to escape unpleasant feelings triggers a binge.
When you eat to escape what you are feeling, you lose touch with the experience of eating, as well. This is one reason binges can spiral out of control. "You have no understanding that you are full, way past full, into uncomfortable, because you're so out of it," Juliano explains. "You have no connection to what you're eating. You're eating a pint of ice cream and can't even taste it. Or you go to make yourself some toast and before you know it, half the loaf is gone."
Mindful yoga directly challenges the habit of dissociating from your body and your present-moment experience. "The whole point of yoga is to stay connected to your body. You learn it through practice, through breathing, and through breathing through the sensations."
Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-willpower/201007/how-yoga-can-help-end-binge-eating0 -
Hey Girl,
I read your post and I've felt like that myself. Many times. I'm not going to reiterate what these fine people said above me. They all have fantastic ideas on how to help. I am going to say add me as a friend. I'm here if you need to talk, cry, scream, yell, laugh, etc. We are all in this together!0 -
Thanks for all the tough love and advice. I know I have a long emotional/psychological/spiritual road to go down. I'm going to start with yoga and monitoring the glycemic index of my foods and work from there.
I appreciate the support and welcome any friend requests. I think being involved in a community of people making progress will help.0
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