Having the talk with your significant other about your weight loss quest

opalle
opalle Posts: 234 Member
edited November 20 in Getting Started
I am really determined to make these life changes and to lose the weight. I'm not doing a diet that will end and I go back to old habits. I want to make new lifelong good habits. So with that kind of change, I think I really need to have a talk with my partner about what I'm trying to do.

However, I am terrified about talking to him about my weight.

When I met my partner years ago I was a size 7. I'm now a size 16. He has never said a word about my weight. I never mention it either because I'm embarrassed at how big I've gotten. He hasn't gained any which makes it harder in a way. So the topic is avoided in our house. I know he has noticed. How can you not notice 40+ lbs?

I don't want to have this conversation but I think in the end it will be better having him on board. Still, just to hear him agree that I've gotten too heavy is going to be hurtful, even though it's true.

Has anyone else had the same kind of anxiety when talking to your partner about making changes to lose weight? Was it as bad as you imagined or did it go OK? Is there any way to approach it that won’t be as painful?

Replies

  • whirlygig60
    whirlygig60 Posts: 37 Member
    Don't mention weight. Focus on health. "[Insert name here], I want to be healthy, and here is how I plan to do that...."
  • JustMe2691
    JustMe2691 Posts: 111 Member
    whirlygig60 wrote: »
    Don't mention weight. Focus on health. "[Insert name here], I want to be healthy, and here is how I plan to do that...."

    Yep, yep, yep. Make it about healthy changes/choices.

  • arose928
    arose928 Posts: 31 Member
    I agree, hes obviously very gracious to not mention your weight. I dont think you need to make a plea to him. Especially is he hasnt gained a pound. Keep it to yourself and keep a promise to yourself to change..you might surprise him and yourself
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    If this is someone you plan to stay with, then you will probably need to get used to discussing hard or uncomfortable things. Just be honest and let him be honest. Don't take honesty as an insult. You've gained a lot of weight. That's not an insult or judgement, it's just fact. You want to do something about it. That's great and I imagine your partner will be supportive. Best of luck to you.
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
    Tell him your goals, tell him your plan for achieving your goals, and tell him how he can support you.
  • opalle
    opalle Posts: 234 Member
    Thank you all for your suggestions. Focusing on wanting to healthy is a great way to approach it.
  • professionalHobbyist
    professionalHobbyist Posts: 1,316 Member
    It sounds like he loves you as you are.

    He will support you in your quest for health. And make no mistake about it, it is a healthy choice you are making

    I find it awesome you are loving and caring enough to share your life goals with him.

    It sounds like you have a solid relationship.

  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,267 Member
    I didn't have a "conversation" he just saw it...

    Like you I was a size 10/12 when we met...in less than a year I gained over 30lbs...ah the bliss of newly weds...

    Anyway I just decided I was done...I started losing he commented when I got to a point where he noticed...he is supportive and helps in whatever way he can.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    When I told my dh that I was going to be logging my food and exercising and what my goal was he told me he loved me at any size and just wanted me to feel good. It really wasn't that painful. Perhaps your partner will respond much the same way.
    After losing some weight dh noticed that I seem happier and more energetic.
  • opalle
    opalle Posts: 234 Member
    Thank you everyone for the tips. I went with the getting healthy approach and it went great. Weight never came up. Just eating better and getting more active.
  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
    I didn't tell my husband about my plans for about a week and a half after I had already started, lol. It was just something I wanted to take the initiative for myself. When I told him I basically said that I was making a serious attempt at becoming healthier and losing weight. He said that it was great. He then took it a step further for me, to keep me motivated. He asked me what I felt would be a challenging loss/goal that I thought I could achieve. At the time I had just started so I really didn't have any idea. So I said 155 lbs (I'm 5'2 so it's still overweight but I started at 211.6 lbs). He said, well, if you get down to 155 lbs, we can try for a second child. That was my little extra nudge and it was his way of saying that our family would benefit moreso if I accomplished my goal. And I did. Baby #2 was born in January and now I'm working on getting to a healthy BMI. :)
  • soprano1949
    soprano1949 Posts: 6 Member
    opalle wrote: »
    I am really determined to make these life changes and to lose the weight. I'm not doing a diet that will end and I go back to old habits. I want to make new lifelong good habits. So with that kind of change, I think I really need to have a talk with my partner about what I'm trying to do.

    However, I am terrified about talking to him about my weight.

    When I met my partner years ago I was a size 7. I'm now a size 16. He has never said a word about my weight. I never mention it either because I'm embarrassed at how big I've gotten. He hasn't gained any which makes it harder in a way. So the topic is avoided in our house. I know he has noticed. How can you not notice 40+ lbs?

    I don't want to have this conversation but I think in the end it will be better having him on board. Still, just to hear him agree that I've gotten too heavy is going to be hurtful, even though it's true.

    Has anyone else had the same kind of anxiety when talking to your partner about making changes to lose weight? Was it as bad as you imagined or did it go OK? Is there any way to approach it that won’t be as painful?

  • soprano1949
    soprano1949 Posts: 6 Member
    soprano1949 wrote: »
    opalle wrote: »
    I am really determined to make these life changes and to lose the weight. I'm not doing a diet that will end and I go back to old habits. I want to make new lifelong good habits. So with that kind of change, I think I really need to have a talk with my partner about what I'm trying to do.

    However, I am terrified about talking to him about my weight.

    When I met my partner years ago I was a size 7. I'm now a size 16. He has never said a word about my weight. I never mention it either because I'm embarrassed at how big I've gotten. He hasn't gained any which makes it harder in a way. So the topic is avoided in our house. I know he has noticed. How can you not notice 40+ lbs?

    I don't want to have this conversation but I think in the end it will be better having him on board. Still, just to hear him agree that I've gotten too heavy is going to be hurtful, even though it's true.

    Has anyone else had the same kind of anxiety when talking to your partner about making changes to lose weight? Was it as bad as you imagined or did it go OK? Is there any way to approach it that won’t be as painful?

  • futrformrfatty
    futrformrfatty Posts: 38 Member
    Sometimes I feel like it's better not to talk about it. That way they don't harp on you when you slip up or say...should you be eating that? For me personally I equate it to making a wish. If I don't talk about it to many people out loud maybe it's more likely to work out lol
  • chrissygree3
    chrissygree3 Posts: 3 Member
    opalle wrote: »
    I am really determined to make these life changes and to lose the weight. I'm not doing a diet that will end and I go back to old habits. I want to make new lifelong good habits. So with that kind of change, I think I really need to have a talk with my partner about what I'm trying to do.

    However, I am terrified about talking to him about my weight.

    When I met my partner years ago I was a size 7. I'm now a size 16. He has never said a word about my weight. I never mention it either because I'm embarrassed at how big I've gotten. He hasn't gained any which makes it harder in a way. So the topic is avoided in our house. I know he has noticed. How can you not notice 40+ lbs?

    I don't want to have this conversation but I think in the end it will be better having him on board. Still, just to hear him agree that I've gotten too heavy is going to be hurtful, even though it's true.

    Has anyone else had the same kind of anxiety when talking to your partner about making changes to lose weight? Was it as bad as you imagined or did it go OK? Is there any way to approach it that won’t be as painful?

  • chrissygree3
    chrissygree3 Posts: 3 Member
    Hi I had the same similar situation and I decided to tell him how much weight I gained I didn't tell him my exact weight but I had to because it seemed like everytime I start losing weight he would start bringing all types of junk foods in the home. I would ignore them but it just wasn't good for me or the kids. He stopped for a little while but started back up. This time I the kids started realizing that the junk food was very bad for them and he had to hear it from not only me but from them. That's when he realized what I was telling him about the weight and had started bringing more fruit in the home instead of junk food and greasy food. So telling him how much weight you gained may help. I would say it depends on how he is. Mine love me with the extra weight. I was just like you a size 7 now in a size 16.
  • rainshiner
    rainshiner Posts: 3 Member
    When it's someone you food-shop, plan and eat with I think you absolutely need their understanding and support. I've found the best way to approach it is to reassure them you're not trying to change or dictate their eating habits but will find ways to adapt meals so that you can do what you need to do. Good luck x
  • galprincess
    galprincess Posts: 683 Member
    I said to my partner you've see me give birth we did ivf so he saw me yo-yo in weight I was a uk size 12 when I met him and was a 16 at my biggest. I said to him after our 3rd baby was born ive given us a family now I want to get healthy so I can enjoy us all for as long as possible. We both run and eat healthier as well as our children so I would say do it just be honest he will see you at your worst why not let him help you on route to your best.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories